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Hundred Thousand Jokes

How do you say good bye to two hundred thousand Indonesians?

A big wave.

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A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening... suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him

and whispers, "Take all the money in your wallet, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!"

The man is first shocked, then becomes curious, and quickly yields, goes to the casino, puts all the money on 27 and wins!

Excited he exists the casino and meets the Devil again. The ...

Old Finnish WW2 joke

Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting in England after the World War II.

British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland.

"A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth.

"Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked.

Eh...

Two multimillionaire friends met up for lunch and started chatting.

"So how's your home life?" asks the first multimillionaire.

"Couldn't be better," replies the second multimillionaire. "I bought an elephant!"

"An elephant? Are you crazy?"

"It's the best purchase I ever made! He grazes the lawn and makes it nice and even. The kids love to ride ...

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A joke my russian friend told...

So stalin was giving a speech to a few hundred thousand soldiers... One soldier then sneezes in the middle of stalin's speech. Stalin stops, looks around and asks: "who sneezed?" there was no answer.... he asks again and sure enough no one answered - Stalin is now pissed, he doesn't like being ignor...

"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.

"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.

Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I...

My life ambition is to have a lot of karma on Reddit.

Unfortunately, it is a hard job. I tried doing it alone first, leaving insightful comments and making quirky posts - but I had no luck. So I decided to ask for advice.

First, I went to a wise guru who had a thousand karma. And I asked him, "Oh wise guru, how do you have so much karma?"
...

Parking Lot Needs Paving

So a town puts a bid notice in the paper to have a parking lot paved. Three guys show up.

First guy in is Polish. "Okay," says the mayor, "how much is your bid?"

Polish guy says, "A hundred thousand dollars."

Mayor says, "Could you break that down for me?"

Polish guy sa...

The fastest chicken

There was once a mountain village in which a certain chicken had unparalleled speed. It boasted to be even quicker than demonic beasts. The owner often bragged to people, saying that his chicken was the fastest.”

A rich man came to the village and fell in love with the chicken at first sight....

A man walks into a bar and makes a bet with a bartender.

"I'll show you a trick, and if you think the trick is good enough, you give me a drink on the house." The bartender, having had a pretty boring day, accepts.

The man takes a rat out of his pocket and an equally tiny piano out of his other pocket. He sets the piano on the bar, and the rat jump...

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I was working as a teller at a bank when a Japanese woman walked in.

I was working as a teller at a bank when a Japanese woman walked in. She comes to the counter with a small stack of ten-thousand yen notes. "Hi, can I help you?" I said. "Yeah, How much American dorrah I can get for hundred thousand Japanese yen?" she asks. Looking up the information on the ever-cha...

An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband...

An elderly wife is on her death bed and calls her husband to lean in, and whispers, "I'm sorry, forgive me..
in the chest in the attic is one million two hundred thousand dollars and five cents.. I earned it hooking, while you were busy working your entire life."

The husband is mad, but fo...

How many North Koreans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A hundred thousand. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the rest for holding the parade.

The crown prince of Saudi Arabia is talking with his counselors.

One of them asks, "What are your current plans?" The prince says, "I'm going to starve to death a few hundred thousand people in Yemen and dismember one journalist." The counselor asks, "Why the journalist?" "See, no one cares about the people in Yemen."

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An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan...

An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan and out comes a silver-suited alien, who floats overs to an old rice farmer standing in amazement.

"HUMAN CREATURE," the alien bellows, "WE LAST VISITED YOUR PLANET A HUNDRED THOUSAND OF YOUR EARTH YEARS AGO. TELL US HOW YOU HAVE EVOLVE...

How many crypto miners does it take to change a light bulb?

A hundred thousand!

One miner to change it, and 99,999 to determine who gets the credit.

A White House aide tells Donald Trump that one hundred people will attend his next event.

"A hundred thousand people?" Trump asks, "Do we even have enough room for 1.5 million people?"

A little girl runs to her mum

"Mummy, I just saw a rat as big as an elephant!".
Her mum starts shouting angrily at her: "I told you one hundred thousands billions times not to exaggerate things!"

An Italian fella

Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons: "I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!" "I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!" "But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He...

Three brothers want to do something great for their mother's birthday

All three men are wealthy as two of them are doctors and one is a lawyer.

The eldest son proclaimed that he'd buy a big new house for their mother to live in and did so.

The middle son proclaimed that he'd buy an expensive and fast new car for their mother and did so.

Then the y...

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Three kingdoms lay on a triangle lake

One kingdom lies on each side of the lake. For decades, the king's had argued over it's true owner, each claiming to be the first kingdom to settle there, and many tales of magical swords and godly favours to claim divine right. Eventually, this story telling and legal battling came to no conclusion...

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country.

The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she hated flying. No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane.

She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety fe...

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Four Jewish brothers left home for college...

Four Jewish brothers left home for college to become a lawyer, a doctor, a hedge fund operator, and a retailer. They all prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Channukah dinner, they discussed the gifts
that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I had a b...

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A factory manager escorts his boss from head office around his site when they open a room to two employees having sex

Immediately the factory manager slams the door shut and apologises profusely to his boss.

"Fire him!" screams the boss.

"Well, actually he is six months into designing some software that we've paid six hundred thousand pounds for, and he'll be finished in another month." retorts the fa...

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The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

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Three men are dying...

Three old men are on their deathbeds. The first says "I've lived a good life. I've supported my family, I've donated to charity, I've lived a good life. But my greatest disappointment is never having sex with an absolutely beautiful woman."

The second man says "I'm a very rich man. I have sev...

A man and his wife have been married for 70 years

One day the man decides to venture into the attic, in the attic he finds a small box with four cloth dolls and one hundred thousand dollars inside. He took the box down to his wife and asked her about the box. She says that when they got married her mother told her to sew a cloth doll whenever she g...

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A father and his son go into a convenience store.

The father purchases a 6 pack of beer and and pack of cigarettes. The son begs his father to buy him a scratch off lottery ticket, and after some incessant pleading the father agrees.

They return to their car and the father lights up a cigarette. The son asks can I have one of those? The fat...

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The Three Challenges

**TL;DR:** Jokes don't have TL;DRs.

A man named Andrew walks into a bar, makes his way to the stool and asks the bartender for some Whiskey, on the rocks.

As the bartender serves Andrew his order, his eyes fall on a relatively large jar of money filled with $100 bills. He gets curious...

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There's this shopkeeper named John...

His business is doing beautifully. One day, a heavenly voice calls out to him, "John, sell your shop."

He says, "What?"

"John. Sell your shop."

John, not going to question a heavenly voice calling out to him, does so for several hundred thousand dollars. Then, "John, go to Vega...

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A little old lady walks into the Bank of Canada with a bag of money.

She insists that she must speak with the president of the bank.

She tells the bank president that she has accumulated several hundred thousand dollars over the years and would like to open a trust in the bank.

The president is curious, so he asks her, "Where did you get all this money?...

One afternoon a man was out playing golf...

He is about to hit a difficult lie next to a pond. suddenly he hear "ribbit, 4 iron". He is alone, so has no clue who is talking. again "ribbit, 4 iron" He looks around and sees a frog looking at him. "ribbit, 4 iron" He says "well I think you are wrong, but what the hell. and hits the 4 iron...

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Bill, a small business owner is at work one day and hears God speak to him.

"Bill, this is God," says a booming voice, "You need to sell your business and go to Las Vegas with all of your proceeds."

Bill is understandably shocked and when he asks God why he should do that, the instructions are repeated, only louder. So Bill, having been raised a God- fearing person, ...

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