Pennies Jokes - 41 Hilarious Pennies Jokes

My friend told me that he thinks pennies are not logical

I just don’t get it. They make perfect cents

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A father walks into a bar with his son and gives him three pennies to play with.

Suddenly the boy starts choking. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up two of the pennies but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father panics and shouts to the bar's patrons for help.

A well-dressed, attractive and seri...

I caught my dad chewing pennies and spitting them out.

I said, "Dad, what the hell are you doing?"

He replied, "Im making us rich son"

"How?" I asked

"Simple", he said, "I'm making bit coins"

Four Pennies

A few years ago, I volunteered with a high school band, who had a performance at a local veteran's home. After the concert, we spent some time with the residents, listening to their stories.

One gentleman came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke. I agreed.

He held out a han...

If I had a penny for every time someone said they think I have OCD...

I'd have 1,526 pennies.

The U.S mint stopped making pennies.

I don't know why, it doesn't make any cents.

Why does Santa only carry pennies, dimes and quarters?

Because he is Nicholas.

Why are 1968 pennies worth almost $20?

Because that's only 32 short.

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The 5 Penny Joke

I have 5 pennies. I lay one on a table.

"Smell anything?"
I point to the penny.
"There's a cent."

I lay a second penny down.
"See any fruit?"
"There's a pair."

Third penny.
"See any cops?"
"There's three coppers right there."

4th.
"See any cars?"...

Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke)

The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.

"A few pennies, sir?" asked the homeless man.

I looked into his guitar case and said, "I'll pass, mate. There's not even enough for a sandwich in there! But thanks, anyway"

If someone drops a couple pennies on the ground, I don’t think you should bend over and pick them up.

That’s my two cents.

Most people don't like pennies, just don't care for em.

I like pennies.

No matter the situation, if it involves water, I can wish my way out of it.

I always carry 2 nickels and 2 pennies

So that way I'll never be so poor that I don't have 2 nickels to rub together, and I gain always put my 2 cents in on a situation.

Why did the man put his pennies in a circle?

To make ends meet.

If the US got rid of pennies

it would be a decent country

What do you call a man with 1000 pennies?

A man with a lot of common cents.

My brother used to throw pennies at me all the time

And that’s why I’m afraid of change

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"Hey Bud, why don't you use condoms?"

"My pull out game is superb. Condoms are also expensive, gotta pinch pennies when you have 14 kids to feed."

What do you call a kennel made of pennies, dimes, and quarters?

A Nickel-less Cage

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The Five Penny Trick

Something I remember from my misspent youth.

Requires five pennies, placed down one at at time, heads up.

Place the first penny on the table..."Can you smell that....that's a scent."

Place the second penny...."Can you see any fruit....that's a pair"

Place the third penny....

Some days I feel like a hundred million pennies

It's a million bucks, but it's kinda heavy

A young boy starts choking on some pennies

The boys dad runs to him and tries to help him cough them out. After unsuccessfully helping, he grabs his phone and calls the local doctor for help.

"Doctor, My son had swallowed some pennies, and he is choking on them, please come quickly before he gets hurt"

"Sorry sir, I'm currently...

A guy goes in to a brothel with only a few pennies in his pocket...

He walks up to the Madame and handing her the coins asks "Who can I get for this?". Taking the money the Madame says "Go see the girl in room 23."

Walking up the stairs the guy thinks "What kind of monster am I gonna find for such little money??".

But as he enters the room he see a gor...

Only if I had a penny for everytime

My boss asked me to work late in the evening. By now, I would have,

Hit him to death with those pennies.

Fake people are like pennies

Two-faced and not worth a dime.

When you find pennies under your couch,

It might just be spiders trying to pay rent.

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(Long) A guy and his monkey walk into a bar

The monkey jumps on the counter and gobbles up a bowl of peanuts.

The bartender asked the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy replied, "Yeah, he does that all the time. He's always hungry. I'll pay for the peanuts", and hands the bartender a buck. The bartender clinks...

If the US stops minting pennies, 99¢ deals will disappear

because they won't make cents any more.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am. My...

They say you should be the change you want to see in the world, so I gonna be two pennies.

It’s common cents

If i had a penny for every time a Ukrainian man saved the world from eventual nuclear fallout

If i had a penny for every time a Ukrainian man saved the world from eventual nuclear fallout due to Russian stupidity, I'd have 2 pennies; it's not a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

Did you hear that the star of Con Air was arrested and put in a jail cell filled with pennies, dimes, and quarters?

It was a nickel-less cage.

My wife was counting all our pennies out on the kitchen table...

My wife was counting all our pennies out on the kitchen table, when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.

I thought to myself, “She’s going through change.”

What do Stephan Harper and pennies have in common?

They're both useless in Canada.

Went to a coin factory the other day, they used to have machines that made pennies and dimes,

It all makes cents now

What do pennies and fat chicks have in common?

Unless you're broke and desperate, they're not worth picking up.

Did you hear about the woman who tried to bribe the police with pennies?

She was taken in by the coppers.

The price motion detectors has gradually decreased over time to the point where they're mere pennies.

There's a great book about this called "Cents and Sensibility"

Franklin 2.0

I used to collect pennies in a jar, but the jar filled up quickly. So I bought an urn.

A penny saved is a penny urned.

A hobbyist metalsmith was arrested for displaying his handmade pennies in public. What was he charged with?

Indie-cent exposure.

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