Horse Manure Jokes

I said, “You may be right, but I still prefer whipped cream.”

Well, the ad promise a stable income.

Patient: Doctor, can you give me anything to help with my halitosis?

Doctor: Take a spoon of horse manure twice a day.

Patient: Will that cure it?

Doctor: No, but it will take the edge off the smell.

But I find it tastes much better with custard

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go a... read more

Someone suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries.

Well, I'm never doing that again...

I'll just stick to whipped cream.

I asked him what he put on his

“Horse manure” he replied

“That’s odd, I put custard on mine”

They put the pessimist in a room full of the latest toys and gadgets, and tell him he can do whatever he wants. Then they close the door. They put the optimist in a room full of horse manure and tell him he has to stay there. Then they close the door.

After an hour they open the door on the p... read more

A guy dies, and winds up in hell...

Satan says, "You must choose a room in hell to spend the rest of eternity in."

"Can I see the rooms first?" he asks..

"Certainly." and Satan shows him the first room, whee he sees a bunch of people, on a wooden floor, standing on their heads... read more

One of the flies grunts and breaks wind. The other fly says, "Geez! Do you mind? I"m trying to eat over here!"

He gave his pessimist a room full of all the toys he’d asked for that year. And for the optimist, he dumped a huge pile of horse manure in the back yard. A short while later, he went in to check on them.

He found he pessimist sitting in the middle of his room full of untouched toys, crying. H... read more

There once were twin boys, age six, that had developed extreme personalities. One was a pessimist and the other a total optimist. Concerned, their parents took them to a psychiatrist.

First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a... read more

They have a rule: whoever is the first to complain about the cooking has to cook the next dinner.

The first evening, they draw straws to see who has to cook first. The new cook does a decent job with their dinner that evening and no one complains. He’s not happy about having to cook, though.<... read more