Horns Jokes - 35 Hilarious Horns Jokes

A blonde sees a cow with no horns...

...so she asks the farmer, "Excuse me, but why wouldn't a cow have any horns?"

The farmer replies, "Well, ma'am, there are several reasons a cow might not have horns. Firstly, some breeds just don't have horns. Another reason is sometimes we cut them off when a cow gets too rambunctious and...

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'

EDIT:I reached r/all, I promised a friend of mine that I would stop calling his mom hot if I reached all.

He sends his regards...

I put horns on my laptop

to improve it's RAM capability

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I find myself very attracted to men with hairy legs, hooves, and horns who play the flute.

I guess you could say I am Pan Sexual.

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there,

and a lot of bull in between.

My daughter just made this one up… What do you call a unicorn with two horns?

A goat.

What do you call a battle where the only weapons are truck horns?

A fight to the deaf!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?

The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.

Why do pyramids have horns?

So you can tootandcomein.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys are settling down after a long day herding cattle.

The first cowboy says, "You know, it takes a real man's man to do this job. I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why? just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second cowboy not t...

A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks…

He called it "Beep Repaired."

Why do French horns make such a loud noise?

You would too, if someone blew in one end of you and shoved their hand in the other

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns

"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up ...

Why do Bulls were bells?

Because their horns don’t work!!

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third B...

Daddy, what are all those cars' horns honking for?

It's for a wedding son.

I thought the horn was supposed to be only used as a warning.

Exactly son.

TIL Ancient Egyptian pyramids didn't have doorbells, they had horns instead.

You just used to toot and come in.

The government in Egypt has asked the city's taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their car horns. It is hoped that the familiar sounds of the city will induce a return to tranquility and normality following the recent pandemic.

Operation Toot 'n Calm 'Em will last for the rest of the week.

So this city blonde goes to a barn

She asks the farmer: “Excuse me, why does that cow have no horns?”.

The farmer, being quite the expert on the matter, explained to her with great detail:

“Well m’am, there’s many reasons why some cows don’t have horns. Some breeds don’t have horns. For example: Angus cows don’t have ...

What has four legs, two horns, and always brags about climbing really tall things?

A mountain gloat.

I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.

I was in shambles.

What is special about unicorns?

Their unique horns.

A blonde was touring a farm...

...and asked the farmer, "Why doesn't that cow over there have horns?"

"There are many reasons why a cow doesn't have horns," began the farmer. "Some cows are bred to be hornless. On some cows, the horns come in later. Sometimes, the horns are removed. And on some cows, the horns fall off...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man with a seeing eye dog crosses a busy street.

The dog leads him across the street with complete disregard for the traffic. Several cars barely miss the blind man, and drivers are honking their horns at the man. The blind man finally gets to the other side of the street and a man comes up to him and exclaims,

"That's the worst seei...

A blonde is walking past a pasture

Being curious about various farm animals and seeing a farmer nearby she asks him "How come those cows don't have horns? I thought cows have horns." Farmer, happy to explain the situation to polite woman nods and says "You see miss, we often remove horns from cows. That way they don't get into accide...

Why do farmers put bells on their cows?

Because their horns don’t work.

(From my 6yo who loves her new joke book.)

Three bulls

Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.

First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a zoo.......

While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.

When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper e...

A man goes to the doctor and complains,

"Doc I have a problem, my wife is cheating on me, but I'm not growing any horns!"

The doctor, amused, explains to him that the whole cheating and horns thing is only a metaphor.

The man breaths in relief.

"Thank god! I thought I was low on Calcium!"

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip

A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip to a farm. One of the chaperones asks the farmer "Why doesn't that cow have horns?"

The farmer takes off his cap, scratches his head and replies

"Well ma'am, there are lots of reasons why an animal doesn't have horns, some breeds,...

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don’t work.

(I can’t imagine this isn’t a repost, so delete if need be)

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

Did you know: the cows with the sweetest, most delectable milk have a unique defensive mechanism?

Horns!

During Cold War, Mossad, CIA and KGB argue which is the best secret service.

They decide to hunt for hogs in a forest. The organization with the most kills after one hour gets the award.

Mossad send in Schlomo, their best agent. After one hour he presents three hogs, all with a clean shot between the eyes.

CIA orders an attack helicopter, spots a sounder and k...

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