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NSFW - This guy sees his appendage in comparison to the guy next to him in the bathroom.

#NSFW
So this white guy notices that the black guy next to him at the urinal has a larger dick. It's not the first time he noticed the relationship. Finally, he summons the courage to ask. "Why are your black dicks larger than our white dicks ?"

The black guy chuckles. "It's cultura...

I heard married women sometimes grow an appendage out of their back side as they age.

Maybe it’s just an old wives tail.

Amongst the usual queue of studded leather, chained piercings and rubber appendages, the S&M club doorman was surprised to see a bespectacled man in a shirt and tie standing patiently, a calculator in one hand. "Who are you, are you lost?" asked the doorman.

"Oh, I'm the statistician" came the reply.

"Then...what are you here for?"

With an unsettling grin, the statistician produced a pencil from his back pocket.
"Just standard deviation."

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A young couple is out for a romantic Valentine's Day walk along a country lane.

They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the lad's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to take a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a nearby hedge. She nods in agreement and...

Proper finger placement on a keyboard...

... is the difference between a doctor hacking off your appendage.... and a doctor jacking off your appendage.

Walked into a dry cleaners the other day and I was amazed.

The chap behind the counter had fluorescent blue gel like hands. To my further amazement, he was using them as detergent on the clothes.

I said, “excuse me sir, may I ask you to hold my bag whilst I take a photo of your appendages?! I feel like the internet would be amazed at this”
...

So a head rolls into a bar...

This guy only has a head. No neck, no torso, no limbs.

He gets helped up onto the bar and asks for whiskey on ice, with a bendy straw so he can drink, and the bartender obliges.

He starts talking with the bartender and the other guy at the bar, answering questions about how he lives wi...

A dog comes upon a set of train tracks

As the pup crosses the tracks a train comes by and runs over the dogs tail, causing the tip of his tail to fall off.

Saddened by his loss, the dog turn around to sniff his lost appendage.

As he is sniffing his tail another train comes by and cuts his head off.

The end.
...

What do you call a guy/girl with no arms and no legs jokes. (WDYCAGWNAANL)

Ok these are pretty common, so I'll start with a couple of standards and then add some I came up with.

WDYCAGWNAANL in a mailbox? Bill

WDYCAGWNAANL in front of a door? Matt

WDYCAGWNAANL in the water? Bob

WDYCAGWNAANL in a pile of leaves? Russel.

In a hole? Doug....

A penguin is driving his car through Arizona...

His engine begins to shudder and overheat, so he pulls off at the nearest exit. As luck would have it, there is a small auto repair shop close to the exit. He drops his car off for the mechanic to inspect and notices an ice cream shop just across the street.

Mr. Penguin chooses a vanilla con...

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The bike accident

Two weeks before his wedding day the groom-to-be is riding his bike when suddenly a child wanders in front of him. To avoid hitting him he swerves, hits a tree and at the force of impact is thrown forward ramming his penis into the handle bars of the bike.

He's immediately rushed to the hos...

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Captain Loony Doubloon

At the last port-of-call before a long voyage, lonely Captain Loony Doubloon decides it's time he needs another parrot. He heads to the port's birdkeep, and finds the perfect talkative parrot perched on its swing within. The keeper discloses, however, that the bird was born with no legs, among anoth...

A man walks into a pub...

... And orders his regular ale from the landlord.
The landlord duly pours him the pint, places it on the bar, but as the man reaches for it a dog runs in, grabs the pint, downs it and runs out the door.
"That's very strange" exclaims the landlord, "let me get you another".
So the landlord ...

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A yellow toad in the land of Oz...

A poor little toad was born the color yellow in the land of Oz. None of the other toads would play with him, and so he had a rough life. As he was crying about his situation, while sitting on a toadstool one day, the good witch came by.

The kind hearted sorceress heard his sobbing and sto...

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Change of Heart

A young couple who recently met are on a date in the park late one evening. They're getting ready to go home, but before they get in their car, the girl says she has to take a pee.

They don't see any public toilets. So the guy, being a gentleman, leads her to a nearby bush and tells her to d...

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