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Nursing Home Jokes

Biden visits a nursing home.

He goes over to an elderly woman and asks, “Do you know who I am?” She replies, “No, but if you go to the front desk, they’ll tell you.”

Nursing Home Police

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge
around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up
to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other
residents tolerated her, and some of the male...

I went to visit my grandad in the nursing home

He was sitting with a gorgeous nurse on either side of him. While we were talking he started leaning to the right and it looked like he'd fall, but the nurse on that side pushed him upright. A little later he leaned to the other side like he was going to fall, but the nurse on that side pushed him u...

I know a guy, who used to be a great hockey scorer, who now works at a nursing home, his name is

Jerry Hattrick

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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box...

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Life in a nursing home

An old man was put into a nursing home by his son. He is unsure if he will adjust to the new living situation.

On his first morning in the home, the old man awoke with an erection. A beautiful blonde nurse had entered his room to check on him and upon seeing it, bent down and blew him without...

Possibly the same nursing home.

An old man and woman become very close at a nursing home. He wants to take their friendship to the next level, but the old woman doesn't want to. He convinces her one day to "just hold it". She does this end enjoys being intimate with a man again. They continue this every day at the same time, in th...

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A guy gets put in a nursing home by his son. He doesn’t know if he’s going to like it at first, but he decides to give it a shot for his son’s sake.

The first morning in the nursing home he wakes up with a hard on. Out of nowhere a beautiful nurse's aide walks in, bends over & blows him without saying a word.
The guy gets on the phone with his son and says, "Son, I love this place! Thank you so much for putting me in this nursing home....

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Nursing Home Sex

An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home. They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each other’s company. After about 3 weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to the woman, "I know we are both old and can't do much sexually anymore, but...

My wheelchair bound grandpa is in the nursing home.

I went to visit him for the first time. As we’re discussing the local baseball team, he starts slowly leaning to the right in his chair. A nurse come running over and straightens him back up.

As the topic turns to football, he slowly starts leaning to the left. The same nurse rushes over to s...

I still don't understand why they call it a nursing home.

There is no way any of those old ladies are lactating.

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Harold in the Nursing Home. This is my grandma's favourite joke.

Disclaimer: I just heard this joke today, so I apologize if this is old news for some of you.


Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One even...

I would never put my parents in a nursing home

I can't afford it

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In the nursing home

-Can I hold your penis in the TV room today?
- I am sorry, Mrs Schultz is doing that tonight.
- What does Mrs Schultz have that I do not have?
- Parkinson’s

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A ninety-year-old woman in a nursing home...

She wandered around the halls of her nursing home, barged into a room, lifted her gown and yelled, “Super Pussy!” She left the room and walked into the next and again yelled, “Super Pussy!” She continued down the hall barging into each room shouting, “Super Pussy!”

When she got to the last ro...

Nursing home

Two old ladies were sitting on the porch of their nursing home rocking in their rocking chairs smoking cigarettes. As it starts to rain old lady 1 reaches in her purse and gets a condom package out, she slides it Over her cigarette to keep it dry so she can smoke it later. Amazed and curious, old l...

Back at the nursing home,

A few evenings a week, Mr Jones would visit Ms Smith in her room. They would sit on the bed and talk and as they did, she would just simply hold his private part in her hand. They enjoyed this very much.
Then Mr Jones stopped visiting. As a few weeks went by, Ms Smith stopped Mr Jones in the...

What do they call the 4th of July in nursing homes?

In Depends Day.

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Why do nursing homes give the men Viagra at bedtime?

To keep them from rolling out of bed!

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One evening at the nursing home...

One evening at the nursing home the attendant finds one of the guests rubbing shoe polish on his penis. The attendant asks why he is doing this. He says, "They said it was daylight savings time." The attendant says, "No no, sweetie. You're supposed to turn your clock back."

An old man in a nursing home says to a woman “I bet you can’t guess how old I am.” The woman responds “I bet I can, drop your pants.”

He does and the woman says “you’re 96 years old.” Amazed, the old man asked her how she knew that and she told him “you told me at breakfast.”

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Entertainment night and my grandmas nursing home.

A couple days ago at my grandmas nursing home they had entertainment night and decided to bring out a hypnotist. He takes out is gold watch and starts to sway in back and forth "watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch." Sure enough all the seniors snap into that trans like state. All of a ...

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An old man in a nursing home looking out the window.

He's watching an attractive lady do some work in the garden. Suddenly a gust of wind comes and it blows her skirt up a little and he gets a peak at her underwear. Just then he starts pounding on his chest like a gorilla.
The nurse walks in the room and sees him and shouts "What the hell are you...

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Three Old men reminiscing in a nursing home.......

........complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.

The first old man said "I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble."



The second old man said ...

Grandpa Joe was being taken by his grandchildren to his new nursing home.

The family bought Grandpa Joe in on his wheelchair.

A kind young nurse met them. "Welcome to our nursing home! Let me show you around!" She said in a friendly tone, as she took the wheelchair.

She wheeled him into a large room full of sofas, with a big TV screen. "This is the lounge. Y...

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An old man was living out his days in a nursing home.

One day the nurse noticed he was sad and depressed.

She asked, “Is there something wrong?”

“Yes nurse,” the old man replied, “my private part died today, and I am very sad.”

Knowing her patients were sometimes a little senile she replied, “Oh, I’m sorry, please accept my condole...

A widowed man enters a nursing home. Lonely, he meets a lady and invites her to sit with him in the courtyard and hold hands.

Wheelchairs side by side, night after night, their affection blossoms to the point she lays her hand on his crotch. This happens like clockwork, every night.
One night, she wheels herself to the courtyard. To her horror, he is sitting next to another woman's wheelchair.
In tears, she whee...

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Ethel and Ben are neighbors in a nursing home...

One day, they're sitting in the TV room and Ethyl says, "Ben, I bet I can tell you how old you are if I feel your private parts for just half a minute."
"Hee hee. Even a doctor couldn't do that but you're welcome to try," he replies, unbuttoning his trousers. She leans over and gives his tackle a...

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Three old guys are hanging out in the nursing home

They're old friends, and every day they sit together and shoot the breeze.

One day, Bob, the 70 year old, says "You know, I don't mind getting old. I can still play golf, flirt with the ladies - life's good! But you know what I miss? I miss peeing. Lord, I haven't had a good piss in years - I...

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A magician was performing at a nursing home.

The magician said he was going to hypnotize the people that he was performing for. He started hypnotizing them with his watch. When they were hypnotized the magician dropped the watch and he said "shit!". The nurses had a hard time after.

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3 men in a nursing home are sitting and reminiscing.

First man says, “I wish I could just go pee as easily when I was younger. It’s getting harder and harder to do so as the years pass.”

The second guy says, “I can pee just fine but I would give anything to be able to poop with no trouble. It’s getting more difficult even with fruits and veggie...

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Did you know that Viagra prescriptions are given at a higher rate in nursing homes than anywhere else?

It helps the men stop rolling out of bed!

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A man goes to the nursing home to visit his eighty-four-year-old father.

While there he notices the nurse hand his father a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra pill.
The man asks the nurse, “Why are you doing that? At his age, what will either do for him?”
“The hot chocolate,” the nurse explains, “will help him fall asleep faster.”
“All right,” the man re...

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A man goes to visit his elderly father in a nursing home.

He's running late, so arrives later than normal. The nurse on duty tells him visiting hours are nearly over but he can sit with his father while she gives him his medication. He agrees and the nurse comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water and three pills. The man eyes the pills curiousl...

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Nursing Home

An elderly man and woman at a nursing home become attracted to each other, and decide to sneak off to the janitor's closet to have sex.
They start kissing, and things get pretty heated. The man slowly unbuttons the woman's blouse and removes her bra.
The woman stops him and says, "before we go...

How can you tell it’s a Millennial nursing home?

All the residents have atrophy.

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“Susie asks, “Mommy, why do you always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?”

“Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. You’ll have to ask her.”
“Granny”, asks Susie the next time her grandmother visits. “Why do you and mommy always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?” “Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. “You’ll have to...

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Two people meet in a nursing home.

A 95 year old man meets a 90 year old lady in a nursing home. They start talking and eventually become close friends. They realize that sex for them probably isn't going to be possible so he asks her if she'll at least stick her hand in his pants and hold it.

So for a few months she'll stick...

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Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you si...

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A 70 year old, 80 year old and 90 year old men in a nursing home were talking.

“Being 70 is the worst!” The 70 year old exclaims. “Every morning at 7, I wake up to pee, but nothing comes out!”

“Oh, that’s nothing!” The 80 year old says. “Each morning at 8, I wake up to poop, and I sit on the toilet for what seems like hours, but nothing comes out!”

“Oh, that’s no...

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Don Carlos is 90 years old and lives in an old age retirement nursing home.

Every night after dinner, he secludes himself at the far-end of the garden.

One night, Juanita, 80 years old, approaches him. They start chatting about life and old age, and after a while, he says to her,

"You know what I miss most of all ?"

\*What ?" asks Juanita.

"SEX !...

An old man is put into a nursing home by his daughter...

He sits in the common lounge room and leans to the left.

A nurse aide runs over and stops him from falling from his chair and straitens him up.

A few minutes later He starts leaning to the right - but again a nurse aide runs over and straitens him up.

Later, his daughter calls i...

Dixon Hormuz and Rosie Highman watch the sunset every day at the lakeside pier by their nursing home….

Everyday for 10 years running they sit on a bench while Rosie reaches down into Dixon’s pants and loving holds his retired baby maker in her hands while they watch the beautiful sunset glistening off the still lake.

One day, Dixon doesn’t come to pick her up at dusk. She fears the worst and ...

Grandad went into a nursing home,

so I rang them to see how he was.

Nurse said, "He's like a fish out of water."

I said, "So he's finding it hard to adjust?"

She said, "No, he's dead!"

Two old guys are having a chat in a nursing home, when a naked old woman with a walker crosses very slowly in front of them

First guy says, "Elmer - what the hell was that?"

Second guy says, "Joe - I have no idea, but it certainly needed ironing!"

Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.

When an old Grandpa walked by.

And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We BET we can tell exactly how old you are.”

The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”

One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can!

Just drop your pants and under shor...

I was voted the worst employee in the nursing home recently.

I don't care.

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A man visited his elderly father in a nursing home.

He noticed the nurse have him warm milk and Viagra. "Why are you doing that?" the man asked. The nurse replied "The warm milk will help him sleep." The man said "and the Viagra?" The nurse replied "that keeps him from falling out of bed".

What do you say to a cannibal when he visits the nursing home?

Eat your vegetables

Twin sisters in a Newfoundland nursing home were turning 100 years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the 100 year old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!" said the other.

"Now get a little closer to...

Two elderly gentlemen sit inside of a nursing home, casually sipping their coffee...

The one facing the door glances up at the night shift tech who’s leaving for the day, glimpsing him press the code 1749* into the door before opening it and leaving.
He softly says to the other one, 1749*.
The second man smiles contentedly, “We’re breaking out tonight.” They winked and let o...

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A nurse is making her rounds in the nursing home....

she walks into Bob's room. He is sitting on the edge of the bed acting like he's driving a car. She asks him what he is up to.
" I'm driving to Chicago for a business trip," he replied.
The nurse continued her rounds and came to Jim's room. Jim is face down on his bed humping it furiousl...

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An elderly man and woman lived in the same nursing home.

The man liked this woman very much. So one day, he asks if they could sit together outside on the benches. They sat there every day for about 3 weeks. Finally, the old man builds up enough courage to ask the woman if she would hold his penis.

"All you have to do is hold it, that’s all."
...

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Superpu$$y!!!

There's a crazy old lady in a nursing home. She goes up to the receptionist and tears open her robe, revealing her naked body. She yells, "SUPERPUSSY!" at the top of her lungs and walks away.


Next the old lady goes into the rec room where other residents are basket-weaving, watching TV ...

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2 old ladies at a nursing home

There's two older ladies sitting on a park bench outside their nursing home chatting it up and having a few cigarettes when it suddenly starts to rain.

One of the ladies is moving around her umbrella and trying to hold up her coat to keep her cigarette from getting wet but it's not working to...

My new hobby is going to nursing homes and pretending to be a retired senior citizen.

We call it LAARPing.

A man took his father to a nursing home....

A man took his father to a nursing home for the first time. His father was an elderly man, who had to be in a wheelchair. They toured the facility by themselves and at the end of the tour, the man told his father that he needed to use the restroom and would leave him in the common area for a few min...

What do you call it when Jerry sleeps with 3 old women at a nursing home in one night?

A Jerry hat trick.

What's the most unhealthy meal served in a nursing home?

The Seizure salad.

Nursing home

Arthur is in a nursing home after the death of his wife and he feels depressed.
Betty notices this and asks if there is anything she can do. He says 'well my wife used to sit with me in the evenings and just hold it for me. I miss that touch.'
Betty is a game and a kind woman so she takes to ...

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home.

The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Then she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses again rush back to put her upright. This goes on all day. The ne...

My Grandpa seemed distraught after losing his watch at the Nursing Home.

I said, Grandpa, what will you do.......He gave me a wink and said.....I will search every Nook and Granny

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Old Man and Old Woman in a Nursing home

An old man and an old woman live in a nursing home. Their spouses have died and they're lonely. After meeting each other, they begin dating. Because they're so old, they can't engage in sex anymore, but they like to just lie in bed, while the old woman holds the old man's penis.

This goes on ...

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Irving visits a nursing home

Irving is a Jewish widower who is getting up in years. His family is worried it may be time for Irving to go to a nursing home. They arrange for him to spend a weekend in a nursing home to see how he adjusts to it.

His eldest son Sheldon takes him to the home on Friday and tells his father he...

An old lady in a nursing home...

Was going up and down the corridor on her zimmer frame when an elderly retired policeman jumps out in front of her.

"You were speeding just then madam," he says "could I have your driver's license?" She hands over her library card which he studies carefully, and hands it back to her with a ra...

So my family and I go past a nursing home...

There are balloons on the sign. My wife says "maybe someone had a birthday", my daughter says "maybe it's for a fundraiser", and then my son says "maybe someone they didn't like died and they are celebrating"

A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing.

'He’s like a fish out of water.’

‘You mean he’s having trouble adjusting?’

‘No, I mean he’s dead.’

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An Old Lady at a Nursing home...

An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a lit...

I lost my job as an event planner at a nursing home today...

Apparently “Get down before being put down” is not an acceptable name for a dance event.

A couple at the nursing home

So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.

Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."

To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care ...

"Grandpa caught a virus yesterday while browsing the web at the nursing home.."

".. apparently there were hot shingles in his area."

A man visits his 97 year old great aunt at the nursing home.

It’s been several months since his last visit and she was starting to show signs of senility, so when he sees her, he goes up to her and asks “Do you know who I am?”
She looks at him and replies “No, but if you ask the nurse, she’ll tell you.”

Two retired British Indian Army officers sat in the common room of their nursing home waiting for tea when they began reminiscing about their time India.

“Say, old chap, did I ever tell you about the time I was attacked by a Bengal tiger?”

“I dare say I’ve not heard that one.”

“I decided one summer to try my hand at taking down one of the royal beasts. I hired a guide from the local village and armed with my rifle we set out. Several ho...

An Old Guy Befriends a Woman in a Nursing Home

This old guy sits down next to a woman in a nursing home and tells her his wife died and asks if he could sit with her and hold her hand like his wife used to. She said it would be ok. After a little while he asks her if she could put her hand in his pants pocket like his wife used to do. She doesn...

A guy moves his mom into a nursing home, settles her in, and heads home

As she's sitting in her chair watching Golden Girls, she slumps over to the side and has a strange expression on her face.

Seeing this, one of the caretakers rushes over and props her back up.

Then, during Matlock, she slumps again and is promptly attended to.

During Wheel o...

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An old man is spending his first day inside a nursing home.

He wakes up with a rock hard erection and immediately a beautiful busty blonde nurse walks in, gives him a sponge bath and sucks him off. When she leaves he calls his son and tells him he loves it, this is the greatest place ever and that he's going to get some breakfast. As he's walking out the doo...

Nursing Home troubles.

An old man is living alone, but his son checks him into a home so he can be taken care of. So the old man is sitting in the common area, when he starts tilting to his left. A nurse comes over and straightens him out. He continues to sit, when he starts tilting to his left. The nurse comes over and s...

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An old woman lives in a nursing home.

One day she takes off all of her clothes, puts on a cape, and runs through the halls yelling "Suuuuuuuper Pussyyyy!"

A nurse hears her and walks her back to her room. Once there she takes her cape off, puts her clothes back on, and lays her down in bed. As soon as the nurse is gone, however, ...

The other day I was visiting my 105-year–old grandfather in the nursing home.

I was asking him about what his marriage was like; he was married for 65 years before his wife died.

"Grandpa, what was it like being married for so long?" I asked.

He was getting to that point where he would often just kind of doze off or drift away mid-conversation, so I gave him a f...

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Two old ladies that lived in a nursing home always went out to smoke a cigarette under a shade tree once a day.

One day it was raining when the ladies went out to smoke.

One of the ladies pulls out a condom and puts it over her cigarette.

The first lady says, “What are you doing? What’s the condom for?”

The second lady responds, “It keeps the cigarette dry when it it’s raining.”

So...

An elderly man moved into a nursing home.

After he'd been there a few days, a nurse noticed him leaning to the right, and strapped his left arm to the chair. A few days later, she noticed him leaning to the left, and strapped his right arm to the chair. Not long after that, she noticed him leaning forward in his chair, so she strapped him t...

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[NSFW] What does pussy at a nursing home taste like?

Depends

What did the old man say to the prettiest nurse at the nursing home?

"Help! I've fallen for you and I can't get it up!"

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Prince Charles was visiting a nursing home

He asks a 93 year old lady "Have you been bed-ridden since you've been here?"
She replies "A couple of times, but i prefer to be fucked up the arse on the sofa"

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There was an 80 year old man in a living in a nursing home

For the past few years, he had been dating a 75 year old lady 3 rooms down from him. Every day she would go to his room, sit next to him, pull out his penis, hold it in her hand as the watched the Price is Right. Being 75, she didn't have enough energy to actually do anything, she just held it in he...

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Albert the 75 year old was in a nursing home....

Every day he walked into the gardens and sat on a bench. Soon after he sat down Doris would come and sit next to him - he would take his penis out and she would hold it for about an hour. After a while they stood up and walked back to their respective rooms. The staff turned a blind eye to this - af...

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Once upon a time in a nursing home...

...there was an 80 year old woman and an 80 year old man. Despite their advanced years, they were both very much sexually driven despite the doctor's insistence that they give up that type of activity due to their advanced age, but one night, a sly wink over a game of Bingo and a sexy smile over pu...

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Betty and Martha are standing outside the nursing home having a smoke

when it starts to rain. Martha curses and starts trying to shelter her cigarette when Betty calmly reaches into her bag, pulls out a condom and a pair of scissors. She snips the end off the condom, slides it over her cigarette and keeps smoking like nothing is wrong.

Martha looks at her que...

I sang Danny Boy at the nursing home the other day

There wasn't a dry seat in the house.

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There were two elderly people living in a nursing home...

Let's call them Fred and Ethel. Now both Fred and Ethel were widowers and got quite lonely. They would just go about their day, seemingly down all the time because their companion was no longer with them. Both of them would just stare vacantly at the tv watching reruns of older shows. One day, Fred...

Bored in the nursing home

Three women living in a nursing home are bored one day and talking. The first woman says "Alright I'm bored."
The second woman says "Well what can we do?"
The third woman says "Let's go streaking!"
Feeling that surge of excitement, the women all agree.

Not long after, they run naked ...

Man has to put his father in a nursing home...

And so a week later, the man goes to visit his father.

The man is walking down the hall, and he sees his father sitting at the end of the hall between two orderlies.

As he walks closer, his father falls over on his left side, and the orderly on that side props him back up.

Th...

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An Old Woman In a Nursing Home Finds A Nurse Having Sex With Her Boyfriend In Her Room

Like some real, wild, kinky stuff. The young woman’s legs were behind her head as her boyfriend went to town.

Caught in the act, the two stop, and the nurse begs the old woman not to tell. “Please! You know they’ll fire me!”

The old woman stops and thinks. She and her husband haven’t h...

I used to work at a nursing home full of handicapped people

But I quit, because I could not stand them.

What do you tell your grandmother when she doesn't want to go to a nursing home?

"It won't be for long."

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On old couple in a nursing home enjoy each other's company...

They live opposite of each other and every weeknight the man calls her over to watch Wheel of Fortune. The old lady puts her hand down his pants as they watch TV and the two enjoy the show and her simply holding his dick. This was nice. One evening, the man doesn't call over to the woman... "He m...

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Sarah works at a nursing home

One day as she is making her rounds she hears crying coming from Mr. Wilson's room.
She looks into the room and sees Mr. Wilson crying on his bed.
"What is wrong Mr. Wilson?" Sarah asks.
Sobbing Mr. Wilson replied, "My penis died."
"I'm sorry" Sarah says at she pats Mr. Wilson on...

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Old man and woman sitting in a nursing home

So these two older folks are sitting in their nursing home playing a game of checkers. Nothing interesting is happening until the old man remembers something, perks up and says to the woman: "Hey, guess what?"

"What" says the woman with a wry smile

"Today is my birthday!!" the old man ...

I was gunna write the great American nursing home romance novel...

....but the title "50 Shades of Grey" was already taken.

Did you hear about Nursing Home Sports League

Everyone gets atrophy at the end of the season.

What do you call and old person who runs away from the nursing home, but always comes back later?

A Boomerang

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A son takes his elderly father to live in a nursing home.

After a few days, he goes for a visit and asks his father how things are going.

"Fine, the food's OK and they take good care of us. One weird thing, they give me a Viagra every night."

On his way out, the son stops at the nurses station and asks about why his father is given Viagra....

An old lady in a nursing home approaches an old man in the rec room...

She says “Hey there stranger! I’ll bet ya 50 big ones I can tell ya how old you are to the month!

“You’re on!” he responds.

“Aright, I’m gonna need ya to pull down your trousers.” Confused, but not wanting to lose the bet, he does so. She then proceeds to poke & prod at his thighs...

Two Old Seniors are sitting on a bench Outside a Nursing Home

They both take sips of their drinks, rocking back and forth slowly. One looks at the other and asks, “How’s your weekend been, George?”

George looks at him. “It’s been amazing. I was taking a walk down the street and I come to a railroad crossing, low-and-behold, a girl was tied up on the tra...

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A lonely old man in a nursing home was getting his lunch one day...

When he noticed a lonely old lady sitting alone on a bench outside and eating by herself. He walked up to her and introduced himself. They instantly hit it off. They decide that they are going to get together every day for lunch. After a few days of doing this, the man looks over at his new girlfrie...

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Every day after dessert, Marvin and Ethel meet in their spot at the back of the nursing home and they start to kiss.

Progressively, their kissing gets more and more intense. And since Marvin is a very desirable man among the other elderly ladies, Ethel has to make their sessions interesting so he doesn’t leave her. So, every day Ethel will slide her hand down Marvin’s torso and grab his penis and she will leave he...

A man takes his mother to a nursing home.

A man and his family one day decided it was to take their mother to live at a nursing home.

When they arrived at the facility, her son went in to file paperwork and talk to the administrator while the mother sat on a bench outside of the office.

A rather nice orderly cam and sat down b...

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An old mans son is trying to convince him to move into a nursing home after his wife died.

The son tells his dad that it'll be good for him, and he'll be well taken care of.

"They'll cook you good food, and clean up after you, and you'll make plenty of new friends."

The old man thinks about it for a few weeks, and agrees to go for few weeks to try it out.

On his first...

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After my mother passed away, my wife & I decided that the best care for my wheelchair bound father was to move him into a nursing home.

After touring several, Dad finally agreed on one he seemed quite pleased with, but after only a week he called and wanted to leave ASAP.

"But why Dad?," I asked. "When you first got here, you acted as though you really loved the place."

"They're just too damn controlling."

""Wha...

I hate it when my finger rips through the toilet paper while wiping.

It was at this point I quit my job at the nursing home.

I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.

I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.

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I heard they had started giving all the old guys in the nursing home Viagra right before they go to sleep at night.

Its to prevent them from rolling out bed in the middle of the night.

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Hobo fit, told to me by a 93 year old woman in a nursing home

An old hobo is walking down a dry and dusty road asking the tracks when he comes by a lonely farm house. He's tired, hungry and thirsty so decides to knock on the door to see if he can get some water or food. The farmer's wife answers the door and sees the dirty character at her door and slams it in...

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