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Hares Jokes

Why did the bald guy get tattoos of rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance they look like hares

Why did the rabbit suspect his wife was cheating on him?

He kept finding different hares in his bed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Horny Hare and The Bear

In a forest a deer is drowning, the Hare and the Bear jump into the lake and save the deer. The deer transforms into a fairy and gives both three wishes.

The Hare, who is a womanizer, wishes that all hares in the forest are female. The Hare begins to screw its way through the forest.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Many Animals Can You Fit In a Pair of Pantyhose?

An Ass, a Pussy, two calves, ten piggies and god knows how many hares! I heard this joke from my aunt in the 70's. Wondered if it was well known.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beautiful redhead

This guy is dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there’s a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table. He’s been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn’t have the courage to start talking to her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket tow...

I remember when I divorced my wife...

.. she insisted on dividing everything up fifty-fifty. She took half the dishes; I took half the dishes. She took half the furniture; I took half the furniture. I mean, right down to the pets. She wanted half the cats; I got half the cats. She wanted half the fish; I got half the fish. She even wa...

My friend and I can't agree on what his job title at the rabbit farm actually is, he calls himself a processor while I say he is a butcher...

... Either way, he is just splitting hares.

My Mate was losing his hair and was really embarrassed by it.

I said to him don't worry mate i have a solution, intrigued and exited by this, he said what is the solution?: I said put Rabbits on your head. Is this a special cure he asked?

I said no, but from a distance they will look like Hares:

Here is my original joke for you Reddit. Why did the Easter bunny decide to leave his wife?

He kept finding random hares in his bed.

I told my dad that I wanted to become a man. So he made me lie down on the ground, then he sprinkled grass and seeds on my pecs.

I said, "Why are you doing this?"
He said, "It will put hares on your chest."

How did the tortoise win the race?

He recruited dudes with some cross-hares.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many animals can you fit in a condom?

A cock and a couples of hares!

Source: I was told this in a bar tonight and felt the need to share it!

Why did Rolf Harris leave Animal Hospital?

He heard they were getting hares and lost interest!

A man who is looking for a job walks into a shop and asks what they do there...

Shop worker: *Well, we're a Butchers.*

Man: *No you aren't, it says 'Professional Rabbit Tearers' on the sign. That sounds fun, can I have a job?*

Shop worker: *Pfft, yeah if you want to split hares*

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