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Hammering Jokes

I was walking past a building site when the guy hammering the roof called me a "paranoid little weirdo"

In morse code

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A Harvard Law graduate starts first day on the job

The president of the firm says, “If you marry my daughter, I’ll make you a partner, give you an unlimited expense account, a new Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary, in addition to your fees from the cases you take on.”

The guy says, “I don’t get it. Is something wrong with her?" The...

I’m hammering a nail into the wall when my wife comments “You hammer like lightning”

I replied “you think I’m that fast?”

She said “no. You never hit the same spot twice”

A police officer is hammering furiously on a guy’s door. When the guy opens the door the officer says; “Do you know what GBH is?”

The guy say; “eh, no I don’t.”

The officers says; “Do you know what GTA is?”

The guy is just as clueless and says no.

The officers pushes on unperturbed; “Well, do you know what AS is then?”

The guy shakes his head and says; “ No officer, I don’t know what AS is. Why are ...

One day, an old man was hammering a large, wooden stake into his garden.

Unfortunately, that same day, the captain of the Navy was walking past. When the stake caught his eye (despite it being very basic and unattractive), he decided he wanted to own it. So, he waited for the old man to leave, and promptly pulled it out and carried it away to his submarine, where he foun...

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Hammer time

John the ranch hand is told to team up with Annie the young college girl helping out over the summer. They have been meanding fences in the foothills for a few days so they've got a donkey with them with a tool pack and supplies strapped on its back since the terrain is too rough to get a vehicle ...

2 blondes are hammering nails into the side of a garage...

One of them has a problem. She holds each nail in place, but ends up tossing every other one on the ground. Finally she says "Hey, half of these nails are bad - the sharp end is pointing away from the wall!"

The other blonde replied "You idiot, those are for other side of the building!"

I just finished my carpentry exam. I got 80% for drilling, 90% for planing, but 100% for hammering!

Nailed it!

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A guy walks into a sex shop...

to buy his wife a toy while he's away on business. He tells the clerk he needs something that will get the job done as she's difficult to please. The clerk goes in the back, brings up this strange box, and tells the guy he needs to use caution because it is a powerful tool. The guy asks how it's us...

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