My friend went completely bald years ago, but he still carries a comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

Bald man’s comb

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?

"I will never part with it !"

Left my comb at the dentist

now it's a fine toothed comb.

How do you comb a bee's hair?

With a honeycomb!


I'm sorry I found this joke on a popsicle stick please forgive me.

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Tyrion Lannister walks into a bar with an ass and a honey comb

He sits down on the bar and the bartender asks him whats up.

"My wife found a genie in a bottle and he gave her 3 wishes. Her first wish was a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this honeycomb. Her second wish was to get a nice ass, hence the ass..."

"And what about the third wish?"...

How did Moses comb his hair?

He parted it in the middle.

The way I combed my hair in 7th grade

is the worst part.

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In light of people getting slapped by the pope.

There was this poor old guy named Donald who hears that the pope is going on tour and will be parading through his town. Donald was very excited that he might get a chance to meet the pope and shake his hand. So he decided to make a plan. He thought that the pope would want to meet the richest man i...

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are taking their wives to play golf.

The Englishman's wife walks up to the tee, bends over to put her ball on the tee, the wind blows her skirt up and she isn't wearing underwear. The Englishman says, "My heavens Elizabeth where are your underthings? She replies "Reginald, on the money you give me for the household, I can't afford un...

I've been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair & brush my teeth.

I think they may be trying to groom me.

Three guys are walking down a street ...

A rich man, middle class man and a unemployed man are walking down a very windy street with their wives. A strong gust of wind causes the skirts of the wives to rise up and their husbands notice none of the women were wearing any panties.


The rich man turns to his wife and asks her why s...

A Cowboy rides through the desert

For two days. He's hungry, thirsty and tired, his horse too. He sees a small town on the horizon. He finally reaches it on sunset and comes into the saloon and says to the Keeper:

"There's my horse outside, have someone give it food and water and comb its hair. As for me, I want a whiskey and...

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The Swede’s wife

stepped up to the tee and, as she bent over to place her ball, a gust of wind blew her skirt up and revealed her lack of underwear.

"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any," she replied. ...

Why couldn't the quadrilateral comb out her daughters hair?

Because it was a wrecked tangle

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Husband stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced

"From now on you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex I want! Afterwa...

Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break?

So it won't get too Messi.

A psychiatrist arrives for a house call and is greeted by a panicked mother

Who shows him to her son’s room. Her son had taken an extreme interest in First Nations culture in the past years going as far as packing his room with First Nations ornaments and trinkets and even changing his name to Spirit Eagle. However, the interesting state of his room was over shadowed by the...

Today a large truck full of hair restoring tonic, overturned and flooded the street.

Police are combing the area.

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are crossing a bridge

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are crossing a bridge, when suddenly a bald old woman appears.

"I am the witch who guards this bridge. Ye may only pass if you present to me a challenge which I cannot do."

The Englishman steps up first:

"I was the best footballer in my h...

A piece of string walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.”

Hearing that, the piece of string walks out, parts its hair, ties it up, combs it, and walks back into the bar.

The bartender asks, “Didn’t you just walk in here?”

The piece of string says, “I’m a frayed knot.”

What is reincarnation? A cowboy asks his friend.

It starts, his old pal told him, when your life comes to an end.

They wash your neck and comb your hair and clean your fingernails,

And put you in a padded box away from life's travails.

The box and you goes in a hole that's been dug in the ground.

Reincarnation starts in...

Why is a bees hair sitcky?

Because it uses a honey comb

A piece of string walk into a bar...

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman refuses to serve him saying rudely, 'Sorry but we don't serve the likes of you. Get out!'

The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down the road and then he sees two girls who he asks for help. 'Please,' he s...

Culinary History

A young man had just returned home from culinary school and was telling his family about everything he had learned.


"The most interesting thing I learned was about the French Fry", he told them.

"Combing through historical records, we found that it was not first fried in France!"...

A length of rope walks into a bar

The bartender looks at him and says “get out, we don’t serve ropes in here!”

The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends.

He walks back into the bar and the bartender says “...

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The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

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I'm with the CIA, AMA!

But please comb your hair first, you look like shit.

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There was a man from New York that was driving his rig through the Midwest

It was about 1:00 am, and he was very tired, for he had been driving all day, so he tried to find a place to stop. He was in the middle of nowhere, and there were no motels, rest stops, or truck stops.
After what seemed like hours and hours of combing the road, he finds an abandoned house. It was...

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A man visits a brothel

A man—a salesman to be exact—is driving along an old two lane highway. It’s the worst part of his territory, as it takes him far from home for days on end.

He misses his wife, his tv, his wife, his la-z-boy, and most of all...his wife.

His mind starts to wander as he thinks of his wi...

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

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There was once a shag everything bunny

This bunny had the reputation of screwing all the animals that he came across.
So one day, this snake moves in in the vicinity. As soon as the other animals find out, the warn him
-Mr snake, best stay away from the bunny as he will surely shag you.
-Nonse! says the snake.
-No really, sa...

Sherlock opens a salon.

Sherlock combs.

You're in the Army Now

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a South Alabama man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yan...

A communist walks into a bar

He orders nothing, and instead just sits down at the bar and begins reading a newspaper.

“What’ll it be?” Asked the bartender.

“Nothing.” Replied the communist, his face concealed behind the newspaper.

“You don’t want anything?” Said the bartender.

“No!” Replied the com...

Why does Donald Trump have bad hair?

He fired his comb-y

A lion goes into a restaurant

He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!...

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Two old ladies, Wanda and Jean, were chatting one day, talking about this 'n' that, when the subject finally got around to sex...

Wanda said she enjoyed sex all the time and actually, just as much as ever.

Jean was surprised and asked her what her secret was.

Wanda said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage, she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head...

My friend came back from vacation with long hair...

... and I wanted to make a joke about it, but I couldn't *comb* up with one.

How can you tell a golf course is owned by Donald Trump?

The rough is combed over the fairway

BREAKING: An 18 wheeler full of wigs and toupees crashes and spills over the I-95 interstate at 1:30pm today.

Police are still combing the area.

What did the head say to the brush?

Comb over hair.

My thanks to my niece who made this up. She is seven. Pretty good imo.

How does a chicken do their hair?

With a comb, In one fowl swoop.

What's the best parting gift?

A comb.

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Jeff the Bellboy

Three couples got married and spent their honeymoons at the same hotel, where they were all attended to by Jeff the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.

Jeff showed them to their room, all the while thinking to himself, "Lucky guy! Nurses are known to be hot to trot."

The ...

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A man was out of work...

A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted with Big Bird, Bert & Ernie, and ...

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An older lady complained to her bridge club

about the lack of sex in her marriage. Another of the ladies suggested she try yoga claiming her husband got hot and bothered when she got out her yoga clothes. After a few sessions she thought she was ready and while hubby was in the bathroom she started to get into a lotus position but unfortunate...

A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days

He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then shaved off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I w...

Ethiopian jokes I've heard from over the years.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese

What do you call an Ethiopian with buck teeth?

A rake

What do you call 10 Ethiopians carrying a canoe over their heads?

A comb

What do you call an Ethiopian with a club foot?...

Long - 2 Poets

Two men arrive at the pearly gates, each claiming to be famous poets. St. Peter cannot believe they both are poets, so he decides to give them a test. He tells them to compose a poem of 4 lines, with the last word being Timbuktu. He gives them 30 minutes.

After the time is up, the first man a...

We don't serve string.

Two pieces of string, walking down the street on a hot summer's day. They walk past a bar, one string says to the other, "Hey let's duck into this bar real quick, get a cold beer" ... They go in, sit down, the bar tender walks over, drying off a glass with a towel, "Sorry fellas, we don't serve stri...

Wisdom of the Ancients

Two girls Have reached the ripe age of 18 in the small Russian Jewish town, but there's no groom in sight. The town's rabbi sends a letter to nearest Yeshiva to send proper grooms. Yossl and Yitzi are picked for the task and are sent on a train, to meet the prospective brides. Halfway there, Yitzi t...

Couple police jokes

1) A hole has opened up on the motorway, the police are looking into it.

2) Someone has stolen the toilets at the police station, the police have nothing to go on.

3) A lorry carrying hair gel has tipped under suspicious cirumstances, over scattering it's content all over the road. The...

Library Inventory

A librarian in a small book collection is just finishing up the process of cataloging his physical inventory and is combing through the stacks to double-check his work. Suddenly, he sees a bit of crinkled cover just peeking out behind a shelf in the very back of the building. Confused, he steps quie...

How Can You Identify a Bald Eagle?

All his feathers are combed to one side

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Desert Island Deppression

A man gets stranded on a desert island and after a few days begins to starve. He climbs a tree desperately in search of food when he comes across a spirit at the top. The spirit agrees to grant him three wishes.

His first wish is for unlimited food & drink. The spirit grants it and he is ...

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So this guy has a sore elbow.

So this guy has a sore elbow and goes down to the clinic to get it checked out. The doctor says "No problem, we just got a new machine and if you give it a blood sample it tells you exactly what's wrong with you and how to treat it." The guy is skeptical but gives it a shot. The machine tells him "y...

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The man who loved marine mammals

There was a marine biologist, named Dr. Panglos, who loved marine mammals. (When I say he loved marine mammals though, I’m not talking about having sex with dolphins; he just loved to study them). He spent his time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea. One day, in a fit of inv...

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