I went bald early in life but I kept my comb

I just can’t part with it

My friend went bald five years ago, but he still carries a comb.

He just can't part with it.

A comb is the best present a bald man can receive

He’ll never part with it.

Why did America drop crates of combs for Germany during WW2?

To get rid of the knotsies.

How do you comb a bee's hair?

With a honeycomb!


I'm sorry I found this joke on a popsicle stick please forgive me.

How did Moses comb his hair?

He parted it in the middle.

I've been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair & brush my teeth.

I think they may be trying to groom me.

Why couldn't the quadrilateral comb out her daughters hair?

Because it was a wrecked tangle

Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break?

So it won't get too Messi.

A piece of string walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.”

Hearing that, the piece of string walks out, parts its hair, ties it up, combs it, and walks back into the bar.

The bartender asks, “Didn’t you just walk in here?”

The piece of string says, “I’m a frayed knot.”

Why do bees have sticky hair?

They use honey combs.

What is reincarnation? A cowboy asks his friend.

It starts, his old pal told him, when your life comes to an end.

They wash your neck and comb your hair and clean your fingernails,

And put you in a padded box away from life's travails.

The box and you goes in a hole that's been dug in the ground.

Reincarnation starts in...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

A piece of string walk into a bar...

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman refuses to serve him saying rudely, 'Sorry but we don't serve the likes of you. Get out!'

The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down the road and then he sees two girls who he asks for help. 'Please,' he s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man visits a brothel

A man—a salesman to be exact—is driving along an old two lane highway. It’s the worst part of his territory, as it takes him far from home for days on end.

He misses his wife, his tv, his wife, his la-z-boy, and most of all...his wife.

His mind starts to wander as he thinks of his wi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man came home from work one afternoon.

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I’m the man of this house and my word is law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m done eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious desert. After dinner you are going to go upstairs with ...

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are crossing a bridge

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are crossing a bridge, when suddenly a bald old woman appears.

"I am the witch who guards this bridge. Ye may only pass if you present to me a challenge which I cannot do."

The Englishman steps up first:

"I was the best footballer in my h...

My wife was doing her hair for Christmas Eve

She seemed to be struggling to comb it. I told her she should have written to Santa about it - he could have told her if her hair was knotty or nice.

The Swede, The Irishman & The Scotsman

The Swede's wife stepped up to the tee and, as she bent over to place her ball, a gust of wind blew her skirt up and revealed her lack of underwear.

"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?", Ole demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any...

Yo mamma so hairy

She gotta comb her wrist to see what time it is

A length of rope walks into a bar

The bartender looks at him and says “get out, we don’t serve ropes in here!”

The rope goes outside and cuts himself in half and ties his two sections together. Not pleased with his appearance, he takes a comb and combs out his ends.

He walks back into the bar and the bartender says “...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm with the CIA, AMA!

But please comb your hair first, you look like shit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was once a shag everything bunny

This bunny had the reputation of screwing all the animals that he came across.
So one day, this snake moves in in the vicinity. As soon as the other animals find out, the warn him
-Mr snake, best stay away from the bunny as he will surely shag you.
-Nonse! says the snake.
-No really, sa...

Sherlock opens a salon.

Sherlock combs.

You're in the Army Now

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a South Alabama man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yan...

Why does Donald Trump have bad hair?

He fired his comb-y

ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE

Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger; neither apple or pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English fo...

The Monk's Secret

A man's car breaks down in the middle of nowhere one night. He sees a sign that says "Monastery 1 mile" and decides maybe they'll let him stay for a night or two while he figures out where to get the car fixed. He goes inside and the monks feed him dinner and let him stay the night. All night the ma...

My friend came back from vacation with long hair...

... and I wanted to make a joke about it, but I couldn't *comb* up with one.

A lion goes into a restaurant

He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!...

What did the head say to the brush?

Comb over hair.

My thanks to my niece who made this up. She is seven. Pretty good imo.

What's the best parting gift?

A comb.

'Waiter,' said the customer, 'there's a hair in this honey.'

'Ah', replied the waiter, 'it must be from the comb.'

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An older lady complained to her bridge club

about the lack of sex in her marriage. Another of the ladies suggested she try yoga claiming her husband got hot and bothered when she got out her yoga clothes. After a few sessions she thought she was ready and while hubby was in the bathroom she started to get into a lotus position but unfortunate...

How does a chicken do their hair?

With a comb, In one fowl swoop.

A man shows up at a barber shop an after after closing.

One time this guy showed up an hour after closing. I had just finished clearing out the register and I was getting ready to leave. I had taken a moment to arrange the combs by order of size. I'm just weird about little things such as that. I heard a gentle tapping at the door. I glanced up. I saw th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Wee Jimmy joins the circus.

Wee Jimmy is having a hard time at home so one day he decides 'fuck it' and runs off to join the circus.

He hops on to a bus to the town green where the lorries have just parked-up and the circus folk are putting up the big top. He finds the Ringmaster, tells him about his horrible home-life ...

A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days

He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then shaved off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I w...

Wisdom of the Ancients

Two girls Have reached the ripe age of 18 in the small Russian Jewish town, but there's no groom in sight. The town's rabbi sends a letter to nearest Yeshiva to send proper grooms. Yossl and Yitzi are picked for the task and are sent on a train, to meet the prospective brides. Halfway there, Yitzi t...

Ethiopian jokes I've heard from over the years.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese

What do you call an Ethiopian with buck teeth?

A rake

What do you call 10 Ethiopians carrying a canoe over their heads?

A comb

What do you call an Ethiopian with a club foot?...

We don't serve string.

Two pieces of string, walking down the street on a hot summer's day. They walk past a bar, one string says to the other, "Hey let's duck into this bar real quick, get a cold beer" ... They go in, sit down, the bar tender walks over, drying off a glass with a towel, "Sorry fellas, we don't serve stri...

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Desert Island Deppression

A man gets stranded on a desert island and after a few days begins to starve. He climbs a tree desperately in search of food when he comes across a spirit at the top. The spirit agrees to grant him three wishes.

His first wish is for unlimited food & drink. The spirit grants it and he is ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this guy has a sore elbow.

So this guy has a sore elbow and goes down to the clinic to get it checked out. The doctor says "No problem, we just got a new machine and if you give it a blood sample it tells you exactly what's wrong with you and how to treat it." The guy is skeptical but gives it a shot. The machine tells him "y...