UPJOKE
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What do you call a wind that never gusts?

Disgusting.

I'll see myself out...

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A man was crossing the jungle when he got ambushed by a group of natives.

They had fearsome tattoos and bloodthirsty expressions in their faces and in front of them their terrible chieftain, a man the size of a mountain.

"Well, now I'm fucked," says the man quietly, when suddenly gusts of wind start blowing in the leaves and a mysterious voice whispers in his ear:<...

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A man is sitting at a bar. Another gentleman walks up and sits next to him. The first man looks at the new comer and says to him “did You know this bar is so high up in the tower that you can jump out the window and the gusts will lift you up and float you right back in the window?”

The new guy looks at him, astonished at this. The first guy says “watch I’ll show you”, takes a shot of whiskey, runs over to the window and jumps out. Thirty seconds later he floats right back up and through the window and walks back over to the Other gentleman.

Amazed, the other guy says “I...

Code red for storm Eunice in The Netherlands

A friend of mine is now on Texel, one of the Dutch Wadden Islands, off the coast of The Netherlands. Sadly, the weather conditions there are very, very bad. The perceived temperature is close to freezing, lots of heavy rain, and wind gusts of close to 100 mph (150 km/h). They are now completely isol...

A Little Old Man Wants to Play Golf One Day

He walks into the pro shop and they pair him up with two other golfers, Jesus and Moses.

On the first tee box, Moses hits his first shot right into a water hazard leading up to the green. He explains, "Don't worry guys, I've got this." Moses approaches the water and raises his hands causing t...

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A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer...

Came up with this a while back, and found it today. I cleaned it up a bit:

A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer can't take it anymore and decide to commit suicide.

The biologist reviews some data and determines the impact velocity required to kill a human. He the...

There once was a man named Myas...

One day Myas and his two friends planned a trip to sail across the vast ocean. They rented a ship and when the date came, they set sail. Everything was going accordingly until the third night when a storm happened upon them. Waves buffeted the hull. Gusts of wind enveloped the sails. As the ship roc...

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Two men are sitting next to each other in a hotel bar

After they've each had a few, they begin to strike up a conversation. They chat on about business and family and life for a time. Then, after awhile, the first guy says, "Hey, do you want to hear something incredible?"

The second guy replies, "Sure, why not?"

"If you go to the roof of ...

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