UPJOKE
airmonsoongaleweathertropical cyclonebreezegastailwindtyphoonkhamsingustliftsquallouter spacewindward

Winds Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly woman winds up in court for murder...

Defence barrister: 'Will you please state your full name.'

Agatha: 'Agatha Louise Hewson.'

Defence barrister: 'Will you please state your age'

Agatha: 'I am 94 years old.'

Defence barrister: 'Will you tell us in your own words what happened on the night in question.'
<...

After the COVID-19 pandemic winds down, we should honor truck drivers with a national holiday on October 4th.

A big 10-4, if you will.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

Hagrid spreading Dumbledore's ashes into the winds.

"You're a blizzard Albus."

A guy dies, and winds up in hell...

A guy dies, and winds up in hell...

Satan says, "You must choose a room in hell to spend the rest of eternity in."

"Can I see the rooms first?" he asks..

"Certainly." and Satan shows him the first room, whee he sees a bunch of people, on a wooden floor, standing on their heads...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two buddies were talking about their plans to fly overseas after COVID winds down

- As soon as this mess is over, I'm flying to Paris, France!
- France you say? Wow, you're going to have a blast. Paris is the sex capital of the world. You'll probably get laid on the flight out, certainly in the cab on the way to the hotel. And when you reach the hotel, man, you won't believe i...

In last night's high winds I lost 25%of my roof....

oof...

What do Winds of Winter, Elder Scrolls 6, and Starfield all have in common?

Bill Cosby was released before they were.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician dies and winds up standing in front of the pearly gates.

St. Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes, is that a problem?"

"Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns are sitting in their car one evening, stuck at traffic lights.

As the lights turn green, out of nowhere, a vampire appears in front of their car!

Sister Mary turns to the more experienced Sister Agnes and cries out "Sister! A manifestation of pure evil! What shall we do!?"

Sister Agnes, with all of her holy wisdom, stays calm and says "Sister Mary...

As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire

Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire.
Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...

The Pope is visiting Canada.

After completing his visit, the Canadian government gives him a chauffeur-driven car to see the natural beauty of Canada. After 20 kilometers through Canada, he says to the driver:

"Oh, let me get behind the wheel. I'm from the narrow Papal States, and I always have to sit in the back of the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what winds me up

it's not people that say ectcetera when they mean etcetera, tenderhooks instead of tenterhooks or even asterix instead of asterisk .

It's people who say the travelling community when they mean thieving pikey bastards

The husband was ready for the last major hurricane to threaten their home, but his wife was not.

When the wind reached a screaming pitch with the trees snapping and threshing, the horizontal streaming rain, flying roofing iron and destroyed fences as well as the unnerving sound-levels, his wife was rooted to the spot.

She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with...

Caught in a Wind Storm

“A policeman noticed an old lady standing on a street corner during a sudden windstorm.



She was bracing herself by holding a light post with one hand, and she was holding her hat snugly against her head with her other hand. Unfortunately, a strong gust blew her dress upward, and it co...

What do you get when you cross horses with strong winds?

A tor*neigh*do

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish kid gets kicked out of every school...

A Jewish kid gets kicked out of every school he attends.

His parents try putting him in Jewish schools. Expelled.

His parents try putting him in public school. Expelled.

His parents try putting him in Montessori schools. Expelled.

His parents try putting him in Military s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discoveredthat if you jump from the top of this building-by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head i...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.