Grows Jokes - 41 Hilarious Grows Jokes

A penguin grows tired of the cold winters in Alaska...

So he buys a used Corvette and heads south for warmer weather. About five hundred miles into the trip the Corvette starts to overheat.

He stops in a small town and finds a mechanic to get the issue fixed. The mechanic says he is not going to be able to look at the car for an hour, so the Pen...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What body part grows ten times its size when stimulated?

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wrote a novel about an old man who grows younger every time he masturbates.

It's a coming of age story.

My friend bioengineered a cannabis plant that grows large, colorful flowers.

I got to see it, and I must admit, it was pretty dope.

A sperm asked another sperm what it wants to be when it grows up..

The other sperm answered: I will become.

Who grows the best weed in the world?

Saudi Arabia, smoke it once and get stoned twice

Germany is telling its citizens to stock up on sausages and cheese as fear of COVID grows.

It's the wurst-kase scenario

What does an acorn say when it grows up?

Geometry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher asks Johnny what he want to be when he grows up.

"I Wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive club, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari over a million, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe; an Infinite visa card, and make love to her three times a day."
The teacher, not knowing what to do ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy grows up being told by his mother never to touch a woman's private parts because they have teeth...

A boy grows up being told by his mother never to touch a woman's private parts because "They have teeth!" One day when he's older he starts seeing a lovely girl who he begins to fall in love with. Things are going great, but she starts to feel frustrated at his lack of sexual progression with her. F...

Based on where it grows, What do you call Red Ferns?

Puppy Trees!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the fungus that grows on sex toys?

Dildew.

A girl wants to be a comedian when she grows up.

Her parents are sad she doesn't want to carry on the family farm, but they encourage their daughter to follow her dreams. She's too shy to tell people her puns in person, so she figures out how to share them another way.

The girl takes a bunch of her father's old pasture fence posts and pound...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I remember being told that everytime you shave it off, it grows back thicker...

Cant wait to see my new cock

A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.

“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”

So the man and his wife...

I don't understand why people think money grows on trees when clearly, it actually grows on shrubbery.

That's where hedge funds come from!

My friend ask me,"Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.
My friend says "Strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"

What type of flower grows in the surface of the sun?

An Ultra-Violet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when Donald Trump takes Viagra?

He grows taller.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son told me that he wanted to be Batman when he grows up.

The little shit wants me to be gunned down in an alley.

What kind of Apple grows on a tree?

All of them……what were you expecting here

What's something that grows on trees and every Amazon driver has one?

A pecan.

A boy is born without a body

A boy is born without a body and miraculously survives. Even though he has no body parts below the neck he manages to make it through high school and on his 18th birthday his father takes him out for his first drink.

The boy drinks his first beer and instantly grows a torso. In utter shock, t...

What do you call a tree that grows meat?

Dmitry!

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.

He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and aft...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife is tired of all the problems that need fixing in her house

She asks her husband, "Can you please fix the leak in the bathroom? ", the husband says "Do i look like a plumber?"

She asks him "Well can you please fix the light in the living room, its been flickering for ages?", he replies "Do i look like and electrician?"

Growing tired she asks hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 2222 and John and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

John asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian resp...

Sometimes my humor grows so black,

It starts collecting coconuts in Afrika.

What do you call a snake that grows to 3.14m in length?

A π-thon. (A pi-thon)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Translated this joke from my native language...

A guy say (Billy) who had very small penis, came to know about a guy. who knew a word, which upon saying penis grows by some inches.

Billy went there, that guy sat on a hill, and to climb that hill, there was a rope. So Billy started climbing that hill, upon climbing, the man asked B...

What do you call a teenager who never grows up?

Constantine

What does Ariana Grande want to be when she grows up?

Ariana Venti

\*Thanks to my dad for this one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A human couple meets an alien couple

So naturally, they decide it would be fun to swap partners. The alien woman goes off with the human man and the alien man goes off with the human woman. The alien man and human woman get undressed and he asks her, "Is it long enough?" She replies, "It could be a bit longer I suppose." So the alien m...

If my daughter grows up to be a nun..

Will I call her "daughter" or "sister"??

What do you call someone who grows plants by watering them with blood?

A phlebotanist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of 100$ bills on the counter

He asks the bartender "Hey, what's with the jar?"

The bartender replies "Well, we have a running challenge here in the bar. It has three parts. If you look at the end there, you'll see Big Jim. Big Jim is the baddest motherfucker in town. You have to knock Big Jim out."

The guy looks d...

A farmer is trying to grow hydroponic potatoes, but he starts them in test tubes. This results in the potatoes being long with a round bulge at the top, so they look like male genitals.

The farmer tries to sell them to anyone and eventually even posts them online, where he surprisingly starts getting more orders than he can fill; and all from Russia. He’s surprised but grows another batch and they sell out again. He starts worrying there might be something illegal going on so he go...

What city grows twice its population?

Dublin

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

What happens when toilet paper grows up big and strong?

It becomes a toiletry.

I know a farmer that grows doritos

It's a cool ranch

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.