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Three days ago, I started with that new penis enlargement method where you have to put on 10 penis rings at once. And you know what: It works.

It's already turning black.

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My wife suggested I get one of those penis enlargers

So I did. She’s 21 and her name is Amber

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Watch what you buy on ebay...be careful you check out the sellers..I sent $95 for a penis enlarger

...basturds sent me a magnifing glass

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My wife left me because I spent our entire life savings on a penis enlargement procedure.

She could not take it any longer.

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i bought a penis enlargement treatment on Amazon

just haven't figured out how the magnifying glass is supposed to help.

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They say that using penis enlargement pills can affect my IQ and make me easily irritated.

What a load of bullshit, and I don’t even have that fucking stupid Apple product.

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A man went for a penis enlargement operation

The next day his friend asked him if it was painful. The man replied, "Nah, I just remember a little prick... But now it's much larger!"



Credit to my fiance.

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Elon Musk and Bill Gates created a penis enlargement product.

They called it Elongate.

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So I went online and bought one of these devices that enlarge your penis

The bastards sent me a magnifying glass with a warning label:

"DO NOT USE IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT"

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I took those penis enlargement pills

It's starting to get out of hand

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My wife suggested I get one of those penis enlargers...

... So, I did. She's 21 and her name is Megan.

PS: Even though the joke is in first person, nobody told me to get a penis enlarger.

My girlfriends health

A number of years ago my girlfriend was having these terrible headaches.

She goes to the doctors, and they tell her it's a sinus issue. Another month goes by and she sees her Dr. again, and they do more blood work on her, and it's discovered to be temporal arteritis. Which is basically enlar...

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I keep getting emails about penis enlargement.

The ones from my wife are starting to get personal, but it's the ones from my mother that really hurt.

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Penis enlargement NSFW (Long)

Paddy's wife complains to him that his penis is too small and doesn't satisfy her, so on a visit to the local pub, after a few pints, he seeks advice from Mick, who's a well-known ladies' man.

"Do what I do," says Mick. "As I go upstairs, I slap my pecker off the handrail with every step I ta...

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I still remember the first time I made love to my girlfriend.

I said, "I would like to take a photo of your breasts and frame it ."

She said, "I would like to take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."

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I bought a penis enlarger online last week

You can imagine my surprise when I opened up the package and found a magnifying glass.

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Once, a man ordered a penis enlargement kit through a website

He was furious when he opened the packet which was delivered. All it had was a magnifying glass.

But he started laughing when he saw a note along with it: "Avoid using in direct sunlight."

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A man gets stopped by a police officer for doing 31 in a 30 zone

The police man asks what the man's job is.

The man says 'I'm an asshole stretcher'

The police man asks 'and what do you do in that?'

The man replies in detail 'we get the customers ass and slowly enlarge it by first sticking our fingers in, then our whole fist, slowly increasin...

If i told you a joke about a woman who had wooden breast enlargements..

It would need a good punch line - wooden tit?

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I need some money for a penis enlargement

I'm a little short.

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A man goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged...

...The doc says, "Ok, how big do you want it to be?"

The man says, "Big as I can go."

The doc says, "Well ok, but sometimes these things don't work out well."

So the doctor performs the surgery, attaching a baby elephants trunk to the man. The man wakes up and is very pleased. "...

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I've been thinking about getting a penis enlargement.

I have a lot riding on this.

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A man went to a doctor to have his penis enlarged...

The doctor asked him how large he wanted it, and the man told him to make it as large as possible. The doctor spliced a baby elephant's trunk onto the man's penis.

Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pan...

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Did you hear about that guy who had his penis enlarged?

He's much cockier now.

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New Breast Enlargement Technique

(This joke needs bodily movements to get its full effect, so it won't be quite as funny just reading it. It needs to be done live & out loud, so steal at will!)


A woman goes into surgery for breast augmentation, as she had a very flat chest that she was self-conscious about. When sh...

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The reason I'm so happy today is because I got a penis enlarger...

She's 18 years old!

So the Enlarged Prostate and the Bladder are taking.

The bladder says " move I gotta pee!" the Enlarged Prostate smiles and says " Sorry but urine trouble."

I'm a smoker and alcoholic.

Visited my new doctor today.



Doctor: "Your liver is enlarged and your lungs sound funny. Do you smoke?"

Me: "Only when I drink"

Doctor: "How much do you drink?!"

Me: "About two packs a day..."

Men will be men

Confession of IT Support Engineer:

One day I was facing some issue with Outlook and I raised a ticket to get it resolved. I got a call from the Service Desk lady after some time and it went this way:

Lady: Hi I'm calling from service desk, what is the problem?

Me: (I explained t...

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A black man is driving his Mercedes when he gets pulled over by a cop....

The cop asks him for his license and regristration and begins to question him about his car. "Where'd you get the money to buy such a nice Benz?" The man replies, "I'm a specialty surgeon, I enlarge assholes." Skeptical, the officer asks more about the procedure. The man explains, "First you work a ...

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The Heroic Homeless Man

It’s December 2012, and Christmas is fast approaching. The snow is on the trees, gifts are being bought, and the lake in Central Park is frozen over. Children and the stents are skiing on the ice, having a great time. However suddenly, a little girl falls through the ice. Luckily, a nearby homeless ...

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How I tell that the targeted advertising is working

Usually I can tell when they start putting up those dick enlargement pill adds.

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When they said I was gonna be hung, drawn and quartered...

I've gotta admit, I didn't expect a penis enlarger, a professional sketch and my own room on a ship.

My friend said, "Why are you looking so happy?"

I said, "My wife had one of those procedures done at the hospital today, that would put a smile on most men's faces."

He said, "A breast enlargement?"

I said, "No, a postmortem."

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A woman goes in for a breast augmentation...

A woman goes to her doctor to discuss the pros and cons of a breast augmentation. The doctor is not a huge fan of plastic surgery, favoring a more holistic approach. He tells the woman there are a series of exercises she could try first, in order to firm up and enlarge her breasts.

The woman ...

A Very Outdated But Still Funny Joke

A high-school teacher asks a girl in the class, "What part of the body enlarges to ten times its normal size during periods of excitement?"

The girl stammers and blushes and looks at the floor and says, "I don't want to answer that question."

So the teacher asks a boy, "Do you know the...

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Be careful about what you buy online

If you buy stuff online, please check out the seller very carefully. One of my friends just lost $300 plus taxes on a penis enlarger.

The bastard sent him a magnifying glass and the only instruction came along with was "DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT".

In medical school...

Professor: Miss Rogers, what part of the male anatomy may enlarge by a factor of 10 when the male is excited?

Rogers: (Blushing) I... refuse to answer...

Professor: Mr. Smith?

Smith: The iris.

Professor: (coughs) Miss Rogers I can conclude three things. 1. You didn't do t...

I got my first prostate exam

I got my first prostate exam today and I was pretty scared about the whole ordeal. The doctor took me in the room and explained it's not all that bad and it would be over before I knew it. After a few preliminary checkups I got ready and went ahead and laid over the exam table and tried to prepare m...

Two guys meet up at a high school reunion

They start talking about people from their past.

"Hey, remember that flat chested girl Sam?"

"Oh yea, how she doing?"

"I just saw her like 15 minutes ago and now she's like this" - He holds his hands in front of his chest, fingers curled in.

"Oh, she got breast enlargemen...

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A man isn't happy with the size of his... [long]

John has a date planned with a very attractive young lady in a few weeks, and he's a bit nervous.

You see, John is a fairly successful single man. He's got good looks, money, a luxurious loft apartment, and a convertible sports car. You can be sure that all of the ladies want him, but of all...

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The Watchmaker

The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.

But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and n...

Nude Picture

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh...

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A woman and her husband find a magic mirror at a garage sale...

The wife asks the owner, "what's so special about this mirror that it's $50?" The owner says "it's a magic mirror, it will grant you any wish." After a little discussing the husband and wife decide to purchase the mirror.

They haul it home and hang it on their bedroom door. "Try it out," the ...

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Radar Gun

During an uneventful evening a cop at a speed trap has pulled over a speeding car.

*Cop*: "Sir do you know why I pulled you over?"
*Man*: "I'm afraid I was speeding officer. But you see, I'm a plastic surgeon at a private clinic and I was rushing to a client."
*Cop*: "What kind of a...

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My Dad sent me this email titled "Politically Correct Jokes"

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.



The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers .......
So I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy



My girlfriend sa...

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The frog

A man goes into a doctors office to complain about a problem he has been having. He has a 25 inch penis. He complained that it was getting in the way and he was tired of people looking at him due to his modest nature. Unfortunately for him, the doctor had only experienced patients who want to enlarg...

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A girl saw a guy full of tattoos.

"Nike" was written on his arms, "Reebok" was written on his legs, "Puma" was written on his chest. She was shocked when she saw "Aids" written on his dick.

He said, "Relax. When it enlarges, it becomes Adidas."

Liver

Doctor: You are in trouble, your liver is enlarged

Patient: Does that mean I have more space for whisky now?

An officer and a DUI

Having had a good lashing of booze at a village pub, a good local boy gets in his car to drive home. He's swerving all over the place, barely missing tree after tree. A police patrol spots him, pulls him over and ask the man to step out of the car.

"Excuse me sir, we have reason to believe y...

New kinds of implants.

So a girl went into a plastic surgery clinic to get a breast enlargement, the doctors told her that they ran out of silicon and all they had left was wood. She didn't get it obviously that would be stupid woodentit?

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At The Eye Doctor's

A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The doctor turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn’t see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.

So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of f...

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