On his 74th birthday, an old man received a gift certificate from his wife...

The certificate paid for a visit to a miracle man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, ha...

Sorry for the spelling/grammer mistakes

My first language is English.

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( Nsfw )i am iraqi and ill translate a joke my brother told me plz dont mind the bad grammer

A guy who lives in the countryside one day went to the city and he saw how diffrent things are there
In the city he meet some people and one of them told him about blow jobs and how it happens
So after he went back he told his wife to feed the kids
She did
He told her to make the kid...



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The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

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Grammer Nazi

"Sir we are mining too many useless minerals" (hitler scratches his chin in contemplation) “Mine less then.” (grammar nazi barges in) “mine FEWER” (hitler turns to the man) “Yes? What do you need?”

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Little Johnny 1 - Grammer Nazi 0

**Johnny:** I is--

**Teacher:** No no Johnny. You must never use *is* after I. You alway use *am.* Now start again.

**Johnny:** I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

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My English teacher corrected my Grammer.

One day during the lecture our English teacher told us things are not "hard", infact they are "difficult". She gave me the most difficult boner that day.

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Grammer nazis are the worse.

Thank you four you're time.

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I used to sell vacuum cleaners door to door and do demonstrations by appointment. Seriously I did.

I had an appointment to demonstrate a machine at a home in a rural area. The house looked rough and as I walked to the door carrying all my demonstration equipment, a big mangy dog with a matted eye crowded me and followed me to the house.

I rang the bell and the lady let me in and the stupi...

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I wish Frasier would have a show about a copy editor in 1942 Germany that's blind, bilingual, narcoleptic, and obsessed with weights and measures.

He'd be a Grammar Grammer gram-er Nazi not-see nod si.

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They're really just "Grammer Nazis"

But the media keeps calling them "Alt-Write"

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A man comes running to the doctors one day.

"Doctor doctor my ass hurts like hell and I think it's bleeding" the man says, The doctor says "well what happen". The man starts talking and saying how he was taking a shit and it wouldn't come out so I pushed and pushed and pop it came out and in that time I jumped up and shouted ahh my ass and I ...

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

...I'm so sorry.

Edit: grammer, and i guess I'm not sorry :p

Edit2: grammar, damnit

Edit3: dammit!

Some commentor tried to correct a journalist's misspelling of "grammar."

Then Andy Grammer said, "But... that's how you spell my surname."

reading the posts here in r/jokes i realised two things

/- the 75% of you has problem grammer in english

/- the other 45% struggle with maths

Why are people who use the metric system so good at computer science?

Because they are pro-grammers.

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There were three young priests...

about to take their final vows. The last test they had to pass was a celibacy test. For this, all three had to strip naked and tie a little bell around their penis. A belly dancer entered the room, and started slinking around the first priest. 'Ting-a-ling!'

The chief priest said 'Oh Patrick,...

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows to high.

She looked surprised.

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What do you call someone who proofread Hitler's speeches?

A real Grammer nazi

What's the difference? between a good joke and a bad joke timing.

and, in written form - grammer is; very important!

In scool, I only would had lerned 4 things

Mats, speling, grammer.

Which actor could have majored as an English professor?

Kelsey Grammer

My first post on r/jokes pretty bad

A man named mr.grammer ran for president. The news sources ask what he was standing for and he said he was “pro-noun”.

"Are your mother and father in?"

Asked the neighbour when the small boy opened the door.

"They was in," said the boy, "but they is out now."

"They was in - they is out!" exclaimed the neighbour. "Where's your grammer?"

"Out in the kitchen making some cookies."

What is the saddest thing in you're life?

That you clicked on this link only to correct my grammer....

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I failed a Health and Safety course at work today...

One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"

"Fuckin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

man with a wooden leg

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

(Try this one with your students the next time you are teaching a lesson that includes this type of grammer.)

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2 men in a bar

2 men are in a bar and then 1 of them says "did you know because of how high we are you can jump out of a window and the wind will blow you back in!" the other guy says "go on try it then." so then the 1st guy proceeds to do so and go's back in. Then the 2nd guy is stunned so he proceeds to do it an...

Two boys go into a forest

and walk around.
Suddenly they see a beautiful naked women and then immediately one of the boys starts to run away.

The other confused, starts to run after him.

The second boy asked "Why did u run away?"

The other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked women i'd turn into ...

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