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Chlamydia Jokes

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Call me Trumper if you must, but I've got proof masks don't do shit.

Last Thursday my wife went on a business trip and they made her wear a mask the whole time - but she got chlamydia anyway!

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Past, Present and Future walk into a bar.

Past says: I’ve ordered a beer.

Present says: I’m ordering a beer.

Future says: I’ll order a beer.

As they sip their beers, a girl enters the bar.

Past says: I’ve fucked her.

Present says: I’m fucking her.

Future says: I’ll fuck her.

Past says: I had ...

Drug Dealers.

Two drug dealers talking,

One says, “how’s your girlfriend.?

The second one says, “she’s dead.”

The first one says, “I’m sorry to hear that, what did she die of.?”

The second one says, “Chlamydia.”

The first one says, “you don’t die from Chlamydia”

The sec...

My girlfriend said she liked surprises.

But you should have seen her face when I told her I have chlamydia.

I got chlamydia from a person with special needs

She gave me the slow clap

Which Autobot is the most likely to have Chlamydia?

Hot Rod

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A guy goes to the doctor, and finds out that he's got chlamydia on his toes...

The Doc says, "Hmmm... what an odd coincidence. Last week I had a woman show up with a case of athletes cunt!

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What do you call a koala without chlamydia?

A virgin.

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Sex can be really dangerous

You can get Herpes, Chlamydia, HIV or even worse.... a relationship.

What do Aids, Syphilis and Chlamydia have in common?

Your mom.

Doctor: I have some bad and good news. First the negative—You have syphillis, chlamydia, and Hepatitis.

But on the positive side, HIV.

The doctor gives test results back to a man

“I’m afraid you have Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and Onomatopoeia,” said the Doctor

The man asks, “What’s Onomatopoeia?”

The Doctor replies, “It’s exactly what it sounds like”

5 second rule. If it hasnt been 5 seconds no bacteria has been transferred.

So stop complaining ladies you could have gotten chlamydia.

A guy watches as his girlfriend struggles to park. he says to her "I think you should get tested." "why" she says I'm no that bad of a driver am i?"

"No, I have chlamydia" he replies

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Diagnose

Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with a disease which will ruin my sex life forever.
Your probably thinking Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Aids!
It's much worse than that!
I've got arthritis in my hands!

I was on an Australian tour, and handled a koala bear. The trainer told me to wash my hands, as koala bears are known to have chlamydia.

In all honesty, the koala should probably wash *his* hands.

Sometimes when I am away from home I get lovesick

Or Chlamydia as it's better known.

That electronic musician is so promiscious...

...he puts the MIDI in chlamydia.

My dad was a successful contractor.

He frequently contracted chlamydia.

A New Case

The Mother Superior of a convent calls a special meeting of all the sisters to make a very important announcement. The nuns all gather together, whispering about what it could be. As the Mother Superior walks up front, a hush comes over the gathering.

"I have to tell you that we now have a c...

Harvey Weinstein tests positive for Coronavirus....

...And Herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, crabs and papilloma virus.

A guy's girlfriend is having a hard time parking the car. He tells her "You ought to get tested." She says, "Why? Am I that bad?"

He says. "No. I've got chlamydia."

An Irish girl came home with a depressed look on her face.

Her mother says "What's wrong m'deary?" Her daughter says "I've got a case of chlamydia.".

The mother says "Tis fine love. Put it down in the cellar. Your father will drink anything.".

I just found out my grandparents got infected.

I can’t believe it honestly. I told them to use protection and stuff but they wouldn’t listen and now the whole care homes got it. Oh well at least it’s easy to treat chlamydia now a days.

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therapists are like hookers for your feelings

and hookers are like therapists for your chlamydia.

What's the worst kind of media?

chlamydia

I really love the names Chloe, Mary, and Lydia, but I couldn’t choose my favourite when my daughter was born

So I combined them and got Chlamydia. It’s just so catchy!

My girlfriend keeps telling me she's not a fire nymph.

She just has chlamydia.

Shelly sells seashells down by the seashore

Shelly got chlamydia.

A Knight's Retinue

A knight and his page stop for the evening at an inn, a squire close behind. The knight calls for the women to come and service his men, as they've been riding long and hard all day and wish to continue in the same manner. Four girls enter the room and pair up with the men in turn, but the last two ...

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[NSFW] Urban Dictionary word example

Tony: "Bro, I rage fucked Taylor last night!"

Frankie: "What!? She ha......"

Tony: "Hell ya! It was awesome. I took all my anger out on her! Felt so good!"

Frankie: "But she ha......"

Tony: "Best day of my life! Wait sorry I interrupted you again. What were you going ...

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An angry man walked into a Taverna one evening, and yelled "I hate the Greeks!"

He looked around, at the light blue wall paper, with the white Grecian key pattern going around the top. He stared into the eyes of the bar tender, a strapping young lad with an olive complexion, rich black hair, a glorious unibrow, and piercing green eyes.

"Are you a Greek?" he asked, menaci...

I asked the doctor, "How do I treat chlamidia?"

The doctor's response: "Did you mean: ***chlamydia"***

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