This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Past, Present and Future walk into a bar.

Past says: I’ve ordered a beer.

Present says: I’m ordering a beer.

Future says: I’ll order a beer.

As they sip their beers, a girl enters the bar.

Past says: I’ve fucked her.

Present says: I’m fucking her.

Future says: I’ll fuck her.

Past says: I had ...

5 second rule. If it hasnt been 5 seconds no bacteria has been transferred.

So stop complaining ladies you could have gotten chlamydia.

Koalas have been dealing with the Chlamydia epidemic and now this wild fire...

at least they’re used to dealing with burning sensations.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a koala without chlamydia?

A virgin.

Which Autobot is the most likely to have Chlamydia?

Hot Rod

I was on an Australian tour, and handled a koala bear. The trainer told me to wash my hands, as koala bears are known to have chlamydia.

In all honesty, the koala should probably wash *his* hands.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex can be really dangerous

You can get Herpes, Chlamydia, HIV or even worse.... a relationship.

I got chlamydia from a person with special needs

She gave me the slow clap

What do Aids, Syphilis and Chlamydia have in common?

Your mom.

Doctor: I have some bad and good news. First the negative—You have syphillis, chlamydia, and Hepatitis.

But on the positive side, HIV.

What’s the difference between chlamydia and gonorrhoea?

The taste.

I just found out my grandparents got infected.

I can’t believe it honestly. I told them to use protection and stuff but they wouldn’t listen and now the whole care homes got it. Oh well at least it’s easy to treat chlamydia now a days.

That electronic musician is so promiscious...

...he puts the MIDI in chlamydia.

My dad was a successful contractor.

He frequently contracted chlamydia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Diagnose

Yesterday my doctor diagnosed me with a disease which will ruin my sex life forever.
Your probably thinking Gonorrhea, Chlamydia or Aids!
It's much worse than that!
I've got arthritis in my hands!

An Irish girl came home with a depressed look on her face.

Her mother says "What's wrong m'deary?" Her daughter says "I've got a case of chlamydia.".

The mother says "Tis fine love. Put it down in the cellar. Your father will drink anything.".

Harvey Weinstein tests positive for Coronavirus....

...And Herpes, chlamydia, gonorrhoea, crabs and papilloma virus.

When I am away from home, I sometimes get love sick...

Well they call it Chlamydia

A guy's girlfriend is having a hard time parking the car. He tells her "You ought to get tested." She says, "Why? Am I that bad?"

He says. "No. I've got chlamydia."

My girlfriend said she liked surprises.

But you should have seen her face when I told her I have chlamydia.

A Knight's Retinue

A knight and his page stop for the evening at an inn, a squire close behind. The knight calls for the women to come and service his men, as they've been riding long and hard all day and wish to continue in the same manner. Four girls enter the room and pair up with the men in turn, but the last two ...

If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...

Then why do I still have chlamydia?

Shelly sells seashells down by the seashore

Shelly got chlamydia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Urban Dictionary word example

Tony: "Bro, I rage fucked Taylor last night!"

Frankie: "What!? She ha......"

Tony: "Hell ya! It was awesome. I took all my anger out on her! Felt so good!"

Frankie: "But she ha......"

Tony: "Best day of my life! Wait sorry I interrupted you again. What were you going ...

What's the worst kind of media?

chlamydia

I asked the doctor, "How do I treat chlamidia?"

The doctor's response: "Did you mean: ***chlamydia"***

My girlfriend has a fire crotch.

Or as it's scientifically known, "Chlamydia".

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