What do the Russian gov't and Corona virus have in common?

They are both trying to influenza the election.

I live in MD and the governor is all “Don't go to the bar. Don't meet up with your friends. Don't come home with an infection.”

Honestly, Gov. Larry Hogan is starting to sound like my wife.

A story about a Redneck and a Game Warden.

A redneck with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there pap...

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing to the President by CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Iran, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them o...

There's five people on a plane...

A doctor, a preacher, a lawyer, a young boy, and the pilot.

The pilot comes on the intercom mid-flight screaming "Mayday! Mayday! The plane is going to crash! Now listen up: there's only four parachutes on this plane and five of us, so you guys decide who's staying with the plane, but I'm jum...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. That's the best plan healthcare.gov could offer me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes (5/14)

Folks, folks. What a day! There are some good jokes out there to be had. Let's take a gander, shall we?

There's already some news out of the presidential election front...

Some are reporting Gov. Christie is losing weight just so he can make a run in 2016. Not to be outdone, Sen. Rubio...

There are over 1000 presidential candidates...

No seriously, there [are...](http://www.fec.gov/press/resources/2016presidential_form2nm.shtml)

Some of the names are awesome and jokes themselves

^Which ^is ^why ^I ^added ^this ^to ^r/jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Something different. A joke game using the names of members of Congress

[Use this list](http://www.house.gov/representatives/).

Boehner, Johnson, Cleaver, Young, Cotton, Cook, Bishop, Barber...

Seriously, there's a lot of comedy gold in these names if you put a little effort into it.

Example: The Johnson/Boehner/Cummings anti-pornography act.

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