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Barkeeper Jokes

A blind man enters a bar and asks the Barkeeper "Wanna hear a joke about blondes?"

Suddenly, the bar is as silent as a grave. A guy next to the blind man leans over and whispers

"Dude, be carefull. The barkeeper is blonde and an ex-soldier. The bouncer is also blonde and the reigning box champion of the city. And then there is Joe... he's just released from prison after he...

Three logicians walk into a bar.

The barkeeper asks: "Do you all want beer?"

The first one answers: "I don't know."

The second one answers: "I don't know."

The third one answers: "Yes!"

A infinite number of mathematicians go into a bar...

The first one orders one beer. The second one half of a beer. The next a quarter, the next one eighth, and so on...
The barkeeper is very annoyed and gives all of them together two beer.

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A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says,

"If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"

The barkeeper says, "Depends on how good of a trick it is."

The drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a chipmunk and places him behind the piano. The chipmunk starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard...

The gas Argon walks into a bar. The barkeeper says "What would you like to drink?"

But Argon doesn't react.

A man walks into an old pub in Dublin, takes a seat at the bar and orders 3 pints.

After he is served he takes sips from them in turn and when all 3 glasses are finally empty he orders 3 more. The barkeeper, who has been watching him, has never seen such a weird style of drinking and says to the man: “You know when you leave a beer for too long it goes flat, so they would taste be...

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole...

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

The guy says, “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ...

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke ...

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A man visits an old tavern

and sees an artist carving a beautiful pair of breasts into the veneer on the back wall. The entire upper section of the tavern has fantastic pairs of tits carved all over, and it is quite a sight to behold.

The man asks the artist, "is this all your work?"

The artist responds, "it is....

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A man walks into a bar

He asks the barkeeper: 'Are there any brothels around? I am so fucking horny right now.'

The barkeeper says: 'Well, there are no brothels here, but we have Steve.'

The man says: 'Doesn't matter. How much?'

'80 bucks', says the barkeeper.

'So, how does it work? Do I give S...

Barkeeper: Do you want a beer for your wife?

Me: Sounds like a fair trade!

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A man walked into a bar and asked the barkeeper if they had prostitutes.

The barkeeper said: „No we don‘t, but we have Eugene.“

The man asked if he was serious and the barkeeper answered that Eugene would provide a full service for just 100$.

The man thought what the heck and decided to go for it.

He asked the barkeeper if he just should give 100$ t...

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H*tler and Mussolini are sitting at a bar.

A guy walks into the bar and asks the barkeeper "Aren't those two H*tler and Mussolini?" Barkeeper confirms. The guy sits next to them and asks:

-What are you guys doing?

H*tler answers:

-We're planning WW3

-Oh really? What will happen?

-We will kill 15m Jews and ...

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a drink...

The barkeeper doesn‘t know what to do, so he goes to his boss. The boss never had a gorilla in his bar and he doesn‘t want his bar to becoma a favorite place for gorillas but on the other hand, he doesn‘t want to make the gorilla angry. So he says to the barkeeper: “Serve him but charge him $30. May...

Duck walks into a bar

So then the duck decided to walk into a bar. It went up to the barkeeper and asked, "Got any bread?"

The barkeeper looked at the duck and responded, "No, we got no bread."

So the duck asked again, "Got any bread?"

"No, we don't got no bread." the barkeeper said.

The duck ...

Three beers

A man walks into a local bar. He's new in town, since the barkeeper knows everyone else there. The man sits down at a small table. The barkeeper approaches him and asks what he wants to order. He says "I'll have three beers please." The barkeeper says that he could bring them one after another but t...

Renes Descartes goes into a bar

The barkeeper asks him: "You want a beer?"

Descartes agrees and after that he drinks many more.

Later when he is quite drunk he grabs his keys and moves towards his car.

The barkeeper stops him from entering the car and asks him: "Do you really think, driving your state is a goo...

A bald man walks into a bar...

He approaches the barkeeper and tells him

"I have something in my pocket that I will show you. If you swear you've never seen anything like it before, I'll have free drinks all night"

The barkeeper, in his mid fifties, who has clearly seen a lot in his life, agrees with a nod.

T...

So this guy enters a bar and asks for three pints of beer

G: Guy BK:Barkeeper

G: "Good evening, I'll have 3 pints of beer please"

BK: "Hello sir, absolutely, expecting some company?"

G: "Actually, I'm drinking three pints of beer in the name of my two brothers that lost their lives in the war, so it's one for me, one for Matt and one ...

A man comes in a bar everyday for a couple of weeks, orders 2 shots of whiskey and leaves...

One day the barkeeper asked him why he never wants to drink something else? The man replied: „My best friend moved to australia a couple of weeks ago and we both decided to go to a bar everyday and drink 2 shots of whiskey so it‘s like we’re drinking them together.“ The barkeeper was amazed and said...

A gorilla walks into a bar

The gorilla walks past the barkeeper and takes a seat.
The Barkeeper is confused and scared at the same time.
*"A gorilla in my bar? Well thats not happening very often..."* thinks the barkeeper and starts shaking
Then the gorilla stands up, goes to the bar and says "I would like to h...

A kangaroo walks into a bar

And orders an espresso martini.
While the Barkeeper serves the drink to the kangaroo another customer remarks:
"don't you find it weird that a kangaroo walks into a bar and orders an espresso martini?"

"Yes, normally he wants ginger beer."

Chemists in a pub

After a long day, two chemists, Bill and Bob, go to a pub to unwind. Bob says to the barkeeper, "I'll just have a glass of H^2 0." Bill chimes in, "I'll have a glass of water too". They take a seat as he asks Bob, "Why did you refer to water with its chemical composition?" Bob did not answer, fumin...

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A cowboy is new in town and enters a saloon...

he goes straight to the barkeeper, sits down and asks him to tell him the names of the other cowboys in town as they enter the saloon in order to get to know them.

The doors opens, a cowboy enters with like carrying like 5 pistols. The barkeeper tells him: "That's Pistolbill!".
Interested...

Three shoelaces are walking down the sidewalk when they come across a bar

A sign sits in front of the bar which reads, “no shoelaces aloud” the first shoelace says, “no sign can stop me!” And makes his way into the bar, the barkeeper notices the shoelace, and says, “hey! You’re a shoelace, no shoelaces are aloud in my bar!” And he grabs the shoelace by the neck, and throw...

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Charles Dickens goes into a bar and orders a martini.

The barkeeper asks him:
"Olive or twist?"

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A three legged man walked into a bar after a long day

He sat down at the bar and after a few drinks he still had hardly spoken to anyone. The barkeeper was getting curious about this man's story, so he came over and said, "I've seen a lot of shit here in Florida, but I have to admit that I've never seen anyone like you. What's your story?"

The m...

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Ghost

A man comes into a bar, orders a beer and takes out of a bag a tiny piano and a 10 inch high man. He puts the man behind the piano and the little man starts playing. People are amazed!
The owner of the bar offers the man free drinks all evening and at closing time he asks: 'I'm sorry, but where ...

A man sits at a bar crying

The barkeeper asks him: "Why are you crying?"
He answers:"My wife and I had an argue and she said she won't talk to me again for a whole year."
"That's terrible", the barkeeper replied.
The Man:"Worse, the year is over today!"

A Pikachu walks out of a bar...

and the barkeeper yells "Bye, catch you later!".

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink called "Innuendo".

So the barkeeper gives it to her.

A hiker walks into a bar

A hiker walks into a bar and the barkeeper greets him with "What are you drinking, sir?"

The hiker scans the range of whisky bottles on display and asks for a measure of an expensive Talisker. The barman pours the drink, which the hiker knocks back in one, and says, "That will be £9.50 please...

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A joke that is too long and doesn't have a punchline walks into a bar.

He looked a bit gloomy. The bartender decides not to comment on this at first and just asks: "What can I get you?" The joke replies: "A beer please" - "ok, coming up". The bartender proceeds to take a glass out of the shelf and pours the joke a nice and cold beer. "Here you go". - "Thanks".

A...

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Big Jake

It's a quiet day in the salloon when a cowboy runs in. With a panicked look on his face, he says, "Everybody run, I just got word that Big Jake is comin' to town!".

The bartender, who's new in town, is shocked to see everybody get up and run out. He grabs a patron by the bar and asks, "What' ...

A Space Marine walks into a bar.

He says to the grizzled, portly barkeeper, "Bring me two beers." Seeing that he is alone, the barkeep asks him 'Why two?' The Space Marine chuckles and replies, "Simple, my friend. One for me, and one FOR THE EMPEROR!"

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