UPJOKE
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Vermouth Jokes

One part vodka, one part vermouth, add olives and olive juice then drink alone

Quarantini

Well dry January is 10 days away from being over and I can't wait for February 1st.

I'm really starting to get tired of all the dry reds, dry whites, dry gin, dry vermouth, etc.

Guy is in the store...

...and and starts putting out items in the checkout..

3 bottles of red wine

3 bottles of white wine

2 bottles of champagne

1 bottle of vermouth

4 bottles of vodka

1 bottle of Hennessy

Finally one can of cat food

...when he suddenly hears a man...

A Lobster Walks Into a Bar

He goes up to the bartender and says: "Look, before you can serve me, I need to advise you that I'm a lawyer."

"Blimey... A lobster lawyer? That is impressive," says the bartender.

The Lobster puts his briefcase up on the bar, deftly opens it with his claws, and produces a document tha...

What's your best limerick?

There once was a fellow McSweeny

Who spilled some gin on his weenie

Just to be couth

He added vermouth

Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

What did Jack Nicholson say to Tom Cruise when he asked for a Martini?

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE VERMOUTH!"

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