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Saloon Jokes

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcef...

A young cowboy walks into the saloon.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowb...

A cowboy stops his horse next to a saloon.

He dismounts, enters the saloon and tell the barman:

\- Twenty bottles of whiskey! My horse is thirsty.

The barman gives him the order, the cowboy pays, the horse drinks it all.

\- Hey! - tells him the barman. - Ain't you going to order some for yourself?

\- Are you nuts?...

A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear

The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the Native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"

The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."

A cowboy walks into a saloon and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"Nope." he replies. "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling y...

A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him

“I’m gonna need your attention” he exclaims.

Everyone in the bar hushes up.

“I’m lookin’ for a wanted man” says the sheriff.

“What’s he look like sheriff?” asks a patron standing at the bar.

The sheriff responds “Well now, he’s been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown...

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Old cowboy walks into a saloon

Says: I’m here to fight the trifling son of a bitch that painted my horse’s balls yellow!

Room goes silent, the biggest 7 foot tall 350 pound dude in the back of the bar stands up and says “that was me, I painted your horse’s balls yellow, care to step outside?”

Cowboy says “nope, jus...

A three legged dog hobbles into a saloon...

...and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"

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The Golden Saloon.

A guy comes home completely drunk one night...

He lurches through the door, and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where the heck have you been all night?" she demands.

"At this new bar," he says, "It's called The Golden Saloon." "Everything there is...

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So a cowboy parks his horse at the saloon, ties him to the outside, kisses him on the ass, and walks in to have a stiff drink.

The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. "Why'd ya kiss your horse on the ass before coming in? You got shit all over your lips!" The cowboy, cool as can be, takes a stiff drink before answering. "It's 'cuz I got chapped lips." The bartender was even more confused; "Horse manure helps...

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A cowboy rides up to the saloon..

He stopped his horse at the hitching post and climbed off. "Good girl, Betsy, you have a rest." He said, and gave the horse's neck a good scratch.
He patted its side and walked to the rear. After tidying some twigs from the tail, he lifted it up and gave the horse a huge, lingering kiss on the ar...

Why did the termites leave the saloon?

They didn’t find the bar tender.

A cowboy is sitting in a saloon...

when he looks out the window and notices his horse has been stolen. He turns around and shouts out to the rest of bar, "Alright, looks like one of you mangey dogs done stole my horse. Now, I'm going to go take a leak. And when I get back, my horse better be back outside... or else I'm going to have ...

A cowboy walks into a saloon…

and orders himself a drink at the bar counter. Turning to the fellow sitting next to him, he slowly utters, “Combat. Battle. Warfare. Skirmish. Brawl. Scuffle.”

The other man slams his glass down on the counter, gets up out of his seat, turns to face the cowboy, and says, “Hey, them’s fightin...

A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"

A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."

He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the b...

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A stranger enters a saloon in the Far West.

When the bartender asks who he is, the stranger says: "I'm the best gunslinger in Mexico."
The bartender challenges him.
"Oh yeah? Prove it"
The Mexican replies: "I can draw a piece of art with only 6 bullets, ese".
He takes his colt out of his holster at an incredible speed and shoots ...

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A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.

"Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take."

A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her p***y.

The boots are sucked right in.

He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is sucked in.

He...

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The cowpoke rides up to the saloon...

dismounts and ties up his horse, and before entering the saloon, walks around behind the horse, lifts up his tail and plants a big ol' kiss right on the horse's butthole.
He walks into the bar and the bartender says, "Howdy pardner! Can't help but notice you're mighty friendly with your horse t...

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A cowboy walks into a saloon...

A cowboy walks into a saloon, goes to the bar, and orders a whiskey. Then he takes his colt from the holster and shoots all the bottles of whiskey at the bar with one bullet. He turns to the bartender and says: "They call me Colt-Bill".

The second cowboy comes, goes to the pool table, takes ...

A new bartender is working the saloon in Dodge City

When a cowboy burst through the doors from the street shouting, "Look out everybody, Big Bill Johnson is coming to town!"

The saloon burst into a panicked commotion as everyone scrambled for the door. In the rush, the bartender is knocked down and passes out.

When he came to, he heard...

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A saloon was having a shooting competition

and a cowboy asked the bartender if he could convince people he had a dog that could shoot would the bartender give him free drinks for the rest of the night, as compensation for bringing in more guests.

The bartender agreed but asked how he'd convince everyone of that. The cowboy said he kn...

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[NSFW] A big, brawny guy crashes through the saloon doors:

“I’M BIG! I’M MEAN! AND I GOT A COCK THE SIZE OF TEXAS!”

A small, scrawny man standing nearby stammers out- “Wha... what’s your name?”

“TURNER BROWN!”

The little guy faints dead away. A few minutes later, the big guy manages to rouse him:

“WHAT AILS YA’ SON? ALL I SAI...

A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked . . .

. . . except for his boots.

“Where your clothes at, Slim?”

“Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’

So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. Then she tak...

Big Mike and the Saloon

In the Old West, there's this saloon. It's decently-sized and fairly crowded. But one day, the sheriff comes in and yells, "Y'all better git! Big Mike is comin'!"

The folk in the saloon figure this Big Mike guy is bad news, so the whole place clears out. The bartender is about to close up sho...

A grizzly-looking cowboy leaves a saloon...

He comes back in, furious.

"Now I don't know which one of ya took my horse, but I'm gonna go get one more drink and when I'm done it better be back out there tied up on that post... or I'll do what I did back in Texas."

He sits down at the bar and orders another shot. Another cowboy ne...

A cowboy on a long journey stops at a small town to wet his throat he ties his horse up outside the saloon and enters...

The town's folk eye him uneasily, but he makes his way to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender opens his beer and sets it down on the table. "I'd be careful if I was you. Town's folk don't take kindly to newcomers, they give em a hard time. And that's what you are is a newcomer."

"Is that...

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The Saloon NSFW

After a long night on the ranch this Ranch Hand decides to go to the saloon. When he gets there he realizes all his favorites are taking for the night so he ask the barkeep

"hey is there anyone free at the moment".

the barkeep replies

"all I got right now son is old granny". <...

A young cowboy get thrown out of a saloon Monday night.

Tuesday he returns with a dachshund under his arm.

The bartender asks “What’s with the dog?”

”Last night when I got out of hand and was thrown out I was told ‘Get a long little doggie.’”

A Jewish man is stranded on an island for 20 years

He is finally rescued by a team, and he insists on showing them the life he’s built for himself there. They come across a small clearing with a bunch of makeshift buildings.

He points to the closest one, “That’s my home.” He continues to point to the other buildings as they walk by.

“T...

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Two women are in a saloon

Woman 1: "Girl, I have such a headache."

Woman 2: "I'll tell you my secret: whenever I have a bad headache, I let my husband kiss me; first on the forehead, then my lips. He then caresses my shoulders for a couple of minutes... And then we fuck."

Woman 1: "So where is he?"

The cowboy enters the saloon

-Who painted my horse blue??

A huge guy stands up, and walks right into the cowboy's face.

-It was me, you have a problem with that?

-I just wanted to let you know that it's dry and ready for the second coating.

A big bad cowboy enters in the Saloon ...

... and asks: where is Billy Joe?
A very old man in the shadows says: Billy Joe it's me!
The cowboy then punches and kicks the poor old man until he is a wrecked thing on the floor.
The cowboy is leaving when the old man says:
Joke's on you! I am not Billy Joe!

A three-legged dog walks in to a saloon and says...

"I'm lookin' for th' man who shot muh Pa."

\* - ty, /u/piercenchase.

A Cowboy Walks Into a Saloon, Naked . . .

. . . except for his boots.

The place goes dead silent. The cowboy orders a drink, and the bartender asks, “Boy, you know you ain’t got no clothes on?”

“Yup,” drawls the cowboy, “but it ain’t my fault.”

“Ain’t yer fault?” says another fella in disbelief. “How’d you get nekkid, t...

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I went to a bisexual saloon

Even the doors swung both ways.

One morning, the new owner of a saloon was setting up his establishment for the day

He heard a commotion from the street and walked out to see people jumping onto their horses, climbing into buggies, or just running away.

"Hey," the owner called to one of the men. "What's going on?"

"You better run, barkeep," the man replied. "Big Ed's a'comin', and can't nobody sto...

It was a typical night at a saloon in the Old West

The ranchers and townsmen were inside, drinking beer and having a good time. Some played poker, others watched the dancing girls, and music from the piano played in the background.

Suddenly, the saloon doors burst open and slammed against the walls. Everyone was startled, and the entire sal...

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Tony ambled into a bar, and noticed a bucket behind the counter filled to the brim with cash. "Is there a contest on to win that dough?" Tony asked the bartender. "Yep," the barkeep responded, "It costs $50 to enter, and then you have to do three things:

First you've got to knock out Spike, our 300-pound bouncer. Then we've got a pit bull out back with an abscessed tooth, and it's up to you to yank it out. Finally, the 90-year old lady who owns this place is upstairs. If you can give her a multiple-orgasm, all the money's yours."
Tony was up for ...

Two blondes are at a saloon

They decide to plan a trip. They are talking about different destinations.

They finalize it to FL or the moon.

First says: what’s closer
Second says: The moon of course.
First says: really??
Second says: yah, you can see the moon.

A dog walks into a saloon...

...and says "gimme a whiskey!" The bartender says "we don't serve dogs here." The dog looks him in the eye, says "I SAID, gimme a whiskey!!" and the bartender responds "AND I SAID, WE DON'T SERVE DOGS!", and he shoots the dog in the foot. The dog runs out yapping.

A little while later they he...

A cowhand rides into town and sees a "Help Wanted" poster outside the saloon.

"Man wanted for general farm duties," he reads. "Must be strong, capable, experienced in animal handling and willing to learn. Apply to Widow Sallet, Sallet Farm, two miles east of town."

So he goes along to the farm, as it sounds like steady work and he's tired of living hand to mouth, and f...

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Moe’s Saloon in the Old West was seeing a lot of customers lately...

It was getting busier and busier by the day, so much so that there was barely a seat left in the whole joint. The hotshots were playing poker, the 49-ers were drinking and cat-calling the dames. The piano was playing, the whiskey was flowing, everyone was having the time of their lives. Suddenly, th...

A hungry cowboy walks into a saloon

The cowboy sits down at the bar but hes short on money.

He looks around and sees a man staring at a bowl of chili.

Cowboy- "are you going to finish that?"

The man without saying a word or looking up slides the bowl over.

The cowboy starts eating and starts thinking to him...

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A cowboy walks into a saloon

Its empty but for the barkeep.

"Where is everyone?" cowboy asked

"They ran. Hiding. The black rider is coming" said the old man

"Why are they afraid of the black rider, whos he" puzzled cowboy asked

"He will kill any men, women and some say even children that he sees on...

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Cowboy rides into a dusty town on his horse and stops at a saloon...

He ties up his horse, goes up the the bar, sits at the counter, and orders a couple beers to quench his thirst. When he walks out, he realizes his horse is missing!


He flings those saloon doors open, hand on his pistol, and shouts, “which one of you sidewinding sons of bitches stole my ho...

Times New Roman walks into a saloon.

The bartender says to him, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your type here."

So he shot the serif.

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A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...

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A rough and tough cowboy hitches his horse outside a saloon.

Spurs ringing up the stairs, the door swings open and he sits down on a stool. "gimme a beer, bottle of whisky". After he drinks his fair share we walks back out to unhitch his horse. A second later, the swinging doors bust open and a bullet tears through the roof. "All right you sons of bitches! W...

A cowboy walks into a saloon

A cowboy walks into a saloon as he's passing through town. As he sits down with his drink he notices a few rough looking locals at a table staring and pointing at him and looking generally unfriendly. He finishes his drink, and not wanting any trouble he decides he'd better get back on the road ag...

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A man walks into a saloon, draws his gun and shoots the piano player dead.

“I’ve been itching to do that for a long time,” he says, “that
bloody noise has been driving me mad.”

The barman beckons the man to one side.

“Mind if I give you a bit of advice, Mister? If I were you I
would file off any sharp edges on your gun and grease the
barrel.”

...

A dog wearing spurs, two six shooters and a vest hobbles in through a saloons double swinging doors

He hops on a bar stool and says I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.

A cowboy strolls into town on his horse fireball and goes straight to the saloon. He drinks straight whiskey for a few hours, never moving except to take another drink. When he's done he gets up and walks out of the saloon.

He immediately runs back in and yells, "Alright! Who took fireball?" But nobody makes a noise.


He continues, "Okay, I'm gonna give y'all to the count of three then we're gonna have a repeat of what happened back in '71."


"ONE!" He pauses and nobody moves a muscle.

...

A miner moves out west to California...

A miner moves out west to California. Having spent a few years in Colorado, he has a pretty good idea of the sort of lifestyle miner's live; up from dawn 'til dusk in the mines, and then up from dusk 'til dawn drinking and playing card games.

So, to his surprise, when he moves to Bluster's Bl...

A young cowboy walks into a saloon and orders a bowl of chili.

The older cowboy next to him says, "here, you can have mine. I'm not hungry"

So, the young cowboy being extremely hungry gobbles up the chili to find a dead rat in the bottom of the bowl. He quickly throws up the chili back into the bowl because he was disgusted.

The older cowboy said,...

The doors are thrown open in a Wild West saloon. The pianist stops playing and everyone turns and looks. In the door is a three legged dog who walks in and says:

I'm looking for the man who shot my paw

Our local saloon was seized for running a brothel. I've been their customer for years.

I never knew it was a saloon.

A Roman centurion, in a noisy saloon, walks up to the bartender holding up two fingers and says loudly

"5 beers please".

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A cowboy walks into a saloon, you can tell he isn’t a local and looks like an outlaw...

So the bartender stops and asks him if he knows Pepe Lopez, the meanest outlaw around. Well the cowboy takes a shot of his whiskey and says, “do I know pepe Lopez, ha”

I was out in the desert last week minding my own business when Pepe Lopez jumped out of some bushes and surprised me. Now I w...

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The best sex is like an old saloon.

Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.

I'm a 50 y/o woman and without a hair saloon I'm turning grey. This deprives me of my dignity.

I think I'll have to dye alone.

My best Cowboy Joke

A cowboy is hitching his horse in front of the saloon when a man storms out with a pistol. The cowboy walks into the bar, past a barfly with a half-empty drink, orders a beer and asks the barfly

“Who’s the guy who just stormed out looking for trouble?”

The barfly responds “Oh him? That...

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A cowboy is new in town and enters a saloon...

he goes straight to the barkeeper, sits down and asks him to tell him the names of the other cowboys in town as they enter the saloon in order to get to know them.

The doors opens, a cowboy enters with like carrying like 5 pistols. The barkeeper tells him: "That's Pistolbill!".
Interested...

The lone ranger and Tonto ride up to a saloon...

The lone ranger tells Tonto to stay outside and run around the horses in a circle to keep the air moving so the will be cool. He then goes inside and orders some whiskey.

After a few minutes, a man enters and says to the people inside "who do the two horses outside belong to"

"They are...

One hot and dry day in the Wild West, this dog walks into a saloon and says, "Gimme a beer".

Evidently this type of thing wasn't too rare 'round those parts because the bartender said, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve dogs here." The dog then took out a silver dollar, dropped it on the bar, and said, "Look, I got money, and I want a beer." This scene had the potential to get ugly. The bartend...

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A Native American walks into a saloon with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other.

The Native American says to the bartender, "Me want beer!"

The bartender says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He then serves the Native American a tall glass of beer. The Native American drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws the manure into the air, and blasts it with the s...

I can tell bad jokes too - A dog limps into a saloon...

As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.

The dog cooly looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

*Cowboy walks into a saloon and approaches the biggest guy there*, “What’s yer name partner?” “My names Terry.” He replied. “Terry?! That’s a girls name!”

Poor Nameless Cowboy.

Died from dissin’ Terry.

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A Cowboy rides up to a Saloon in the old west. An old man is sitting out front, whittling a stick...

...The Cowboy rides up, jumps down and ties up his horse. Then he walks around to the back of it, lifts up it's tail and kisses it right on the butthole.

The old man sees this and is shocked. When the cowboy approaches the front door, the old man says, "Damn son, that sure was a peculiar thin...

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One night a lone cowboy rode into a small town. He immediately went to the only saloon in town and ordered a drink.

While drinking he asked the bartender if there was a room and any women around. The bartender told him he had a room for rent and then glanced over to his friends drinking at another table.

They decided to play a joke on the cowboy. As the evening drug on, the cowboy became very drunk but was...

Poker

So There's a traveling salesman who loves to play poker. Every town he visits, he manages to find a game.

One night he's led to the back of a saloon, and seated among the locals is a German Shepherd. The salesman is surprised to see a dog at a poker table, but the dog appears to be very well...

The Stolen Horse

A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the ...

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A cowboy walks into a saloon with his friend and points at one of the seven men sitting there.

"You see him?"

"Which one?"

The cowboy draws his revolver and shoots six of them. He points at the remaining one and says:

"This one."

"So? What about him?"

"Fuckin' hate this guy."

Three Swedish men visited Copenhagen and decided to go to a Saloon...

They knocked on the door and the Madame opened. "What do you want?"
"We want to come in. We are Swedish."
"How much money are you willing to spend here?"
"We have altogether 250 crones."
"250 crones! For that price you can screw each other!"
After saying this the Madame slammed...

An old miner came down from the hills and walked into the local saloon...

He says to the bartender, "Give me a stiff shot and a fast woman."

Bartender says, "Things are pretty slow around here. No women to speak of, but old Joe is in the back if you're interested."

The miner says "I'm not into that sort of thing" and walks out.

A few months later th...

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A cowboy enters a saloon with a living crocodile. He sits down at the bar, puts the crocodile on the bar and asks for a beer.

“Hey!” yells the bartender. “Away with that beast, that thing is dangerous!”

“Don’t be crazy,” said the cowboy, “this animal is as tame as a dog.”

“Get rid of that crocodile now,” said the bartender again, “it’s too dangerous to have a living crocodile sitting around in my bar. If yo...

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A cowboy walks into a saloon after a 2 month cattle drive. . .

. . . and asks the barman for 2 shots of whiskey and a pretty prostitute.

"We ain't got no girls here," says the barman. "But if yer desperate enough, Pretty Larry is in the back alley."

"I ain't that desperate," says the cowboy.

A while later the cowboy returns from a 4 month c...

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The New Cowboy

Young man is on his first cattle drive, new to being a cowboy. Chow time, all the men are sitting around the campfire, new cowboy asks, "So what do we do for fun?' One of the old hands tells him, "Well, it's dark and nobody around - just go find yourself a stump and fuck the hell out of it."
<...

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An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in...

A stranger rides into a Wild West town and finds it deserted.

All except the saloon, so when he's hitched his hoss to the rail he goes in, orders a beer, and says to the barkeep "Say, where is everyone?"

"They've all gone to hang the Brown Paper Kid," says the barkeep.

" 'Brown Paper Kid' ain't no kinda name for a man," says the newcomer. "What d...

Chapped

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day.

The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail.

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kis...

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Is it the first line or the punchline that goes here?

In the days of the wild west, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the fastest gunfighter in the world.

He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloo...

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Big Mean Steve

There's a boom town out in the desert in the old west.

One day word starts going around that Big Mean Steve's coming. All the shopkeepers start boarding up their windows and half the town starts loading up their wagons. They ask each other, "You sticking around?" "Hell no, Big Mean Steve's co...

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A Story from the Old West

Scene: The old west, in a Saloon, somewhere in Dodge City or Tombstone, AZ or the like....


A old man bursts through the doors and starts shouting "Everybody, y'all better clear out o' here.  Big John's a comin' to town!!!"


Everyone in the saloon jumps up knocking over table...

Two redditors walk into a bar.

"Well technically," the first argues, "it is a Pub since it serves food."

"Actually," the second says, "it is a Saloon since it is a part of a hotel."

Neither remembers the point of this post.

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Mid 1800's, a Native American man leaves his people for the first time.

After a few day of wondering, he came across this small town. In this town was a saloon/brothel.

Upon entering the saloon, a lady of the night approached the traveler. "You look new to these parts honey."

"Mmm," say the traveler.

"Well, let me tell you all about our special," ...

A cowboy rides into a strange town and sees carpenters finishing work on a gallows....

He sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, "Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?"

The guy nods. "Yup. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."

The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"

"Well," says the guy, "the man always wea...

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Black hand....

A stranger walks into a wild western town, he's a stranger passing through and needs to find a bed for the night.

He calls in at the local saloon and finds himself a place at the end of the bar while he tries to figure out his best options of a bed. The place is rammed, card games, piano play...

A man rides a pony into a bar

A man charges through the front door of his local saloon, perched on the back of a pony. He rushes to the bar and says “Bartender, I need a hot tea, as quick as you can!”

The bartender, taken aback, says “Sir! You can’t ride that thing in here! And why do you so desperately need a hot tea?!”<...

What I had to do in Texas...

This is a pretty old one, but I figure it's worth telling just in case people on this sub haven't heard it.

In a typical wild west desert town, a typical rugged cowboy/drifter type rides his horse up to a saloon, then ties it to the post and saunters in for a drink. While he's drinking, some...

Out West

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were passing through town on an incredibly hot afternoon. They rode up to a saloon and hitched their horses. The Lone Ranger told Tonto to run circles around the horses to create a draft and keep them cool. Meanwhile he went inside to get a drink. After a couple beers, a fe...

The hanging

A cowboy rides into town one day and drops into the saloon for a drink. He looks around the bar and says to the bartender “This place is empty today, where is everybody?”.

The barman tells the cowboy “Everyone’s at the hanging’”.

“A hanging” huh?” says the cowboy. “Who they hanging?”<...

There's this bartender . . .

It's the wild west and a bartender is behind the bar, polishing glasses and going about his normal day's work. Suddenly, a man bust through the saloon doors and yells, "y'all gotta get out of here! Big Bad Barts comin!"

Half of the patrons rush out the front, while the other half runs to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cowboy rides into town....

( For cake day i suggest telling these jokes in series )

A cowboy rides into town. All the way down the main drag, he sees not a single soul.
He pulls up in front of the saloon and the only other person around is the sheriff, sitting on the porch.
He dismounts, ties up his horse, tips...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a cold December day

"Just wait out here," says the Lone Ranger. "I need to see a man in the saloon. They won't let you in, it's illegal to serve alcohol to your people."

"It's freezing," complains Tonto as he hitches the horses to the rail. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Run up and down to keep warm," the L...

A Cowboy rides through the desert

For two days. He's hungry, thirsty and tired, his horse too. He sees a small town on the horizon. He finally reaches it on sunset and comes into the saloon and says to the Keeper:

"There's my horse outside, have someone give it food and water and comb its hair. As for me, I want a whiskey and...

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