A cowboy walks into a saloon and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"Nope." he replies. "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

The lady says, "What's it telling y...

A dog walks into a saloon

All the patrons go quiet as they look at the dog who’s wearing spurs and a cowboy hat, with a gun on his hip.

The bartender says, “now listen here partner, we don’t want any trouble. What’s your business?”

The dog lets out a faint growl, lifts up his front right leg and replies, “I’m l...

Two blondes are at a saloon

They decide to plan a trip. They are talking about different destinations.

They finalize it to FL or the moon.

First says: what’s closer
Second says: The moon of course.
First says: really??
Second says: yah, you can see the moon.

In 1877 a bartender was building his saloon.

"so i want the floor to creak everytime when someone from out of town walks in and around here, but not when locals do that."

Carpenter: "What?!"

A cowboy walks into a saloon.

He sits down at the bar and orders a whiskey. He chugs it down and says "TGIF!". A Mexican walks in, shakes his head, and says "SPIT!". A few minutes go by and the cowboy has downed his third whiskey. He stands up and declares, "TGIF!". The Mexican looks at the cowboy with a puzzled look, "SPIT" he ...

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A Cowboy walks into a Saloon and orders a drink

While waiting on his drink he sees a big jar of money , with a sign that says „ask the bartender about me“. He does and the bartender says we have a horse out back that is depressed and cries all the time we would like to help the horse. That money belongs to anyone that can get the horse to laugh....

The Stolen Horse

A Desperado rides into town and downs a few drinks at the saloon. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. The Desperado swears, steps back into the bar, and fires a round into the piano. The room goes dead silent. “I’m gonna have one more beer,” the Desperado bellows to the ...

One hot and dry day in the Wild West, this dog walks into a saloon and says, "Gimme a beer".

Evidently this type of thing wasn't too rare 'round those parts because the bartender said, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve dogs here." The dog then took out a silver dollar, dropped it on the bar, and said, "Look, I got money, and I want a beer." This scene had the potential to get ugly. The bartend...

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A cowboy walks into a saloon

Its empty but for the barkeep.

"Where is everyone?" cowboy asked

"They ran. Hiding. The black rider is coming" said the old man

"Why are they afraid of the black rider, whos he" puzzled cowboy asked

"He will kill any men, women and some say even children that he sees on...

A sheriff walks into a saloon,

and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?", he asks.

"What's he look like?", asks one shoddy looking cowboy.

"Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat,a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paperboots, brown paper pants, and a ...

A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear

The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the Native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"

The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."

A young cowboy walks into the saloon.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowb...

A dog walks into a saloon...

...and says "gimme a whiskey!" The bartender says "we don't serve dogs here." The dog looks him in the eye, says "I SAID, gimme a whiskey!!" and the bartender responds "AND I SAID, WE DON'T SERVE DOGS!", and he shoots the dog in the foot. The dog runs out yapping.

A little while later they he...

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.

Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling....

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A cowboy walks up to a girl in a saloon...

"What's a fine lady like you doing alone in this saloon?" He starts.

"Don't even try." She responds, paying her drink to the bartender and turning to leave. "I'm a lesbian."

"What the hell is that, a *'lesbian'*?" The cowboy asks.

"Well, how do I put it... When I wake up, I thin...

A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"

A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."

He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the b...

A cowboy walks into a saloon…

and orders himself a drink at the bar counter. Turning to the fellow sitting next to him, he slowly utters, “Combat. Battle. Warfare. Skirmish. Brawl. Scuffle.”

The other man slams his glass down on the counter, gets up out of his seat, turns to face the cowboy, and says, “Hey, them’s fightin...

A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...

A woman walks into a saloon and stands on a chair.

"Fellas! My p***y is so big that I'll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can't take."

A big cowboy gets up and takes off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoves them into her p***y.

The boots are sucked right in.

He grabs a flashlight and, that too, is sucked in.
...

Big Mike and the Saloon

In the Old West, there's this saloon. It's decently-sized and fairly crowded. But one day, the sheriff comes in and yells, "Y'all better git! Big Mike is comin'!"

The folk in the saloon figure this Big Mike guy is bad news, so the whole place clears out. The bartender is about to close up sho...

A miner walks into a saloon

NSFW
A miner walks into a saloon after striking it rich, walks over to the barkeep and says " I want your coldest beer, and the meanest, nastiest woman you've got in this place."

The bartender hands him a bottle of cold beer and sends him down the hall. As the miner opens the door he says...

A cowboy is sitting in a saloon...

when he looks out the window and notices his horse has been stolen. He turns around and shouts out to the rest of bar, "Alright, looks like one of you mangey dogs done stole my horse. Now, I'm going to go take a leak. And when I get back, my horse better be back outside... or else I'm going to have ...

The lone ranger and Tonto ride up to a saloon...

The lone ranger tells Tonto to stay outside and run around the horses in a circle to keep the air moving so the will be cool. He then goes inside and orders some whiskey.

After a few minutes, a man enters and says to the people inside "who do the two horses outside belong to"

"They are...

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A rough and tough cowboy hitches his horse outside a saloon.

Spurs ringing up the stairs, the door swings open and he sits down on a stool. "gimme a beer, bottle of whisky". After he drinks his fair share we walks back out to unhitch his horse. A second later, the swinging doors bust open and a bullet tears through the roof. "All right you sons of bitches! W...

Times New Roman walks into a saloon.

The bartender says to him, "I'm sorry, we don't serve your type here."

So he shot the serif.

A poor cowboy walks into a saloon

and sits down at the bar. His jacket and shoes are ripped, and he is covered in dust. Grimly he looks around the saloon and finally raises his voice:

"Could I have one beer please? However, I am afraid I wont be able to pay"

The bartender, slightly amused by a fact that a poor man wou...

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A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon.

All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink.

The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?"

The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips."

The bartender asks, "Does man...

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The best sex is like an old saloon.

Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.

An old miner came down from the hills and walked into the local saloon...

He says to the bartender, "Give me a stiff shot and a fast woman."

Bartender says, "Things are pretty slow around here. No women to speak of, but old Joe is in the back if you're interested."

The miner says "I'm not into that sort of thing" and walks out.

A few months later th...

A cowboy walks into a saloon

A cowboy walks into a saloon as he's passing through town. As he sits down with his drink he notices a few rough looking locals at a table staring and pointing at him and looking generally unfriendly. He finishes his drink, and not wanting any trouble he decides he'd better get back on the road ag...

I can tell bad jokes too - A dog limps into a saloon...

As the batwing doors swing closed behind him, the patrons turn to eye the stranger up.

The dog cooly looks around the dim, smoky room and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

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The Golden Saloon

A man came home drunk, and his wife demanded to know where he'd been. "I've been to this amazing bar," he slurred. "It's called the Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. They've got golden doors, golden floors - they even have a golden urinal!"

"I don't believe it," said his wife, but sh...

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A cowboy is new in town and enters a saloon...

he goes straight to the barkeeper, sits down and asks him to tell him the names of the other cowboys in town as they enter the saloon in order to get to know them.

The doors opens, a cowboy enters with like carrying like 5 pistols. The barkeeper tells him: "That's Pistolbill!".
Interested...

Three Swedish men visited Copenhagen and decided to go to a Saloon...

They knocked on the door and the Madame opened. "What do you want?"
"We want to come in. We are Swedish."
"How much money are you willing to spend here?"
"We have altogether 250 crones."
"250 crones! For that price you can screw each other!"
After saying this the Madame slammed...

A cowboy walks into a saloon after a 2 month cattle drive. . .

. . . and asks the barman for 2 shots of whiskey and a pretty prostitute.

"We ain't got no girls here," says the barman. "But if yer desperate enough, Pretty Larry is in the back alley."

"I ain't that desperate," says the cowboy.

A while later the cowboy returns from a 4 month c...

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Shooting tips

A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.
The cowboy walked over to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great gunfighter.

"Could you ...

High Noon

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

Brian wanted to be a miner ever since he was little

So one day when he hit that magical age of 21 he packed up all of his things and left his parents house. Too the grievance of his mother he moved a few states over. To a little mining village that like in the old days completely depended on their local gold mine. For some reason unlike all the other...

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A miner comes down from the mountains after a couple weeks of work.

A miner comes down from the mountains after a couple weeks of work. He walks into the town saloon and orders a whiskey. The bartender serves him. After he finishes his whiskey, he asks the bartender,

“Say, is there anywhere around here a guy can get some action? I’ve been in the mine and I ha...

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A cowboy is out riding on his trusty old stallion when he's captured by Native Americans

After he's taken back to their camp and tied up to a the natives leave to prepare for a ritual sacrifice, he whispers to his horse to go to the nearest town to get help. Now his horse is slightly deaf but he still takes off to save his master. Moments later, the horse returns with a beautiful blonde...

A cowboy rides into a new town,

and stops at the first saloon he sees.

Walks in, and is surprised that the whole place is empty except for the bartender polishing some glasses.

So he asks, "Where is everyone?"

Barkeep looks up from his busy work and replies, "Well, probably at the hanging."

Cowboy asks,...

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And old woman and young gunslinger.

An old woman decides to go into an old town for supplies. As she rode up near the store and tied her old mule to the hitch rail and as she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in ...

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The more you know...

It's high noon when a stranger rides into town. His ride is not a horse but an enormous bull, with horns that appear bloodstained. The stranger is a mountain of a man standing six foot eight inches tall, seven with hat on. He wore black leather from head to toe, with a pair of pistols on his belt...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a winter's day

They pull up outside the saloon and the Lone Ranger says, "I need to see a guy in there - you'll have to wait out here, it's against the law to let you in a place where liquor is sold".

Tonto scowls. "But it's freezing out here, *kemo sabe*!".

"I can't help that - the law's the law," s...

One day, after striking gold in Alaska...

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.
"We got her," replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second...

Fight in a cowboy bar.

A man from the big city is traveling out west and one night he goes into a cowboy bar. He’s having a few beers when someone walks into the crowded saloon and shouts,

“Every damn Republican is a horse’s ass!”

The patrons immediately swarm the guy, beat him up, and throw him into the s...

The tale of Drango Dune

A proddy young gunfighter swings off his horse and barges through the batwing doors into a saloon, where everyone falls silent, except for the piano player, who carries on playing with never a pause. "I'm looking for Drango Dune!" yells the young man, and everyone turns away except for one old-timer...

A Cowboy and a Native American

A Cowboy and a Native American walk into a saloon in the old west, the bartender looks at the Native American and says "We don't serve your kind here."

The Cowboy turns to the Native and says "I'll order our food, just go outside and run the back and forth up the road to keep yourself warm."<...

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Pierre

A lumberjack working up in the north woods in Canada walks into the local saloon and asks the bartender where he can find a woman for the night. The bartender tells him "there are no women for 500 miles but there is always Pierre." The lumberjack says "I don't go for that shit". And leaves. About th...

Big John

A man moves from New York City to the heart of Texas and applies for a job as a bartender.

The owner of the bar says to the man, "You know it's pretty rough around here, I'm not sure you could handle it, There's a stabbing about every night."

The man says he can handle himself, he's ...

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[LONG] A cowboy is walking through the desert.

He's incredibly exhausted and he's just had the last few drops of his water, so naturally he gets super fucking pumped when he reaches a town. The town is the normal, cliché Western town, complete with a bank for robbing, a saloon for drinking, a sheriff for sheriffing, and a tumbleweed store for dr...

A cowboy rides into a strange town and sees carpenters finishing work on a gallows....

He sees a guy tying up his horse in front of the saloon and calls, "Hey, are you folks gonna hang someone?"

The guy nods. "Yup. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."

The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"

"Well," says the guy, "the man always wea...

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A cowboy comes out of a cafe and sees that someone has painted his horse's balls red.

A cowboy just won first place in a rodeo in a small western town. So proud of his horse was he that he rode him to the neighborhood saloon. After tying the horse to a post, he went inside for a couple of brews.

When he came out of the bar a few hours later, he noticed that someone had painte...

Cowboy walks into a bar

A young cowboy, new to town, walks into the saloon wanting to make an impression. There's a pianist with his back to the cowboy playing a tune. There are two candles on either end of the piano.

The young gun draws quickly and shoots out the candle on the left hand side. The bar goes silent, ...

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A guy comes home drunk

A guy comes home completely drunk one night.

He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife,
who is most definitely not happy.


“Where the hell have you been all night?” she
demands.

“At this new bar,” he says. “The Golden
Saloon. Everything there is gol...

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My Favorite Wild West Joke

A mean lookin' cowboy was sitting by himself in a Saloon. He was a pretty intimidating sight, so no one bothered him as he downed a few whiskey and beers. After chugging his last drink he slammed some coins on the tabletop and got up to leave. Right after he left though he came storming back in and ...

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The mule (NSFW?)

A prospector comes out of the mountains and heads to the saloon. As he's drinking, he notices a jar full of money at the end of the bar. He asks the bartender what's up with the jar.

The bartender replies "We have an old mule out back who hasn't laughed in seven years. If you can make him lau...

One day a hermit comes down from the mountains and into town.

He goes into the saloon and has a drink. He says to the bartender, "are there any women around here?". The bartender tells him "no, but there's old joe out back". The hermit says no thanks I don't go for that stuff, finishes his drink and heads back up into the mountains. Six months later he comes b...

Cowboy and the memorizing Indian

A cowboy walks into a saloon. The bartender says "Hey, wanna see something really interesting? That Indian over in the corner can remember ANYTHING. If you ask him anything about his life, he'll remember the answer." Cowboy thinks that sounds pretty cool, so he wanders over to the ancient Indian, si...

Abuse of police powers.

A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.

The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."

And the cowboy says "What for?"

The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"

Two blond cowboys...

Two blond cowboys (duke and matt) walk into a saloon. While they are at the bar, a man walks in and put an Indian head on the bar. The bartender hands the man $100. The two blond cowboys ask why. The bartender says.

"Indians killed my family. I'll pay a $100 for every Indian head brought to m...

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A Cowboy comes accross an ol' western town...

The cowboy has never been here before, so he goes into a local saloon for a drink, he notices there's a horse tied to a post outside the saloon, he asks the bartender "who's horse is that?" the bartender replies "It's mine, why do you ask?" The Cowboy says "I bet you $100 I can make that horse laugh...

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I'm a cowboy

I get into a bar and they all look at me. filthy, reeking mexicans. I hate these guys. so I slam my fist on a table, everything goes silent. I tell em ''alright beaners. my horse's tied outside. I'm gonna drink a whiskey. then I'm gonna take a shit. when I'm back, my horse better still be tied right...

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An old prospector finds a gold nugget...

Excited to have a little cash and looking to celebrate, he gets on his donkey and rides it down into town. He walks into the saloon, has some whisky, and then says, "Bartender, you got any women around here?" The bartender says, "Nope. But we got old Fred in the back." The prospector looks disgusted...

Wrapping Paper Cowboy

A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger's hat was made of brown wrapping paper.

Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were als...

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A cowboy...

rides into town and heads for the new saloon that's just been built after a long and tiring trail ride. The cowboy walks right up to the bartender and says "give me three beers." The bartender happily pours the beer and gives it to the cowboy who pounds them back like no one has ever seen. The cowbo...

Black Bart

A man rides into an old west town and he notices as he's riding up that there's no one around. He heads over to the sheriff's office and knocks on the door, when he does he hears a shout from around the building. As he rounds the building to see what's up he sees a man in the window, and is surprise...

New cowboy in town

There's this cowboy that rides into town on his horse and heads for the saloon. He ties his horse outside, walks in and starts drinking at the bar. Now the townsfolk have a thing for pulling pranks on out of towners so they hide his horse. He finishes drinking, pays his tab, walks out to see that hi...

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert one day, and it just so happens that it's unnaturally hot. The Ranger and his Indian sidekick are sweating and panting, and their horses are in even worse shape. They're nearing a town where they can stop and rest, but are still miles out when ...

Wild Bill

A traveler is passing through an old southern town and decides to stop at the saloon for a drink. He sits down at the bar, but before he can order anything someone bursts through the door.

"Wild Bill is coming!"

Everyone runs out the bar and starts hightailing it down the street. The m...

Everybody was running out of the Old West town...

The Eastern dude watched in amazement as he walked to his saloon to open up for the day. He stopped a passerby to ask what was going on.

"Ain'tcha heard? Big Bad Bob's a-comin' He'll turn this town upside down and I don't wanna be here when that happens!"

The dude can't quit...

Cowboy Singer

There was this country singing cowboy in a dark saloon one night. He got up to play and announced his first song,

"I wrote this one a long time ago, its called 'Ol' Boil on My Foot is Burnin'"

The audience had a general look of confusion but the cowboy went on to play most beautiful, ...

I saw this really good movie in a hotel..

There were a lot of gunfights, cowboys, saloons and drinking. It was the Best Western I've ever seen.