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My ex's cooking was cold and bland.

Clearly, she put her heart and soul into it.

Bland salad is a problem.

It needs addressing.

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I told my wife that having kids had made our love life a little bland. She laughed, grabbed a peach from the kitchen, seductively ate the flesh, and masturbated with the pit.

Mother fucking hard core.

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New Monk

A man joins a monastery and is told he will have to take a vow of silence, and can only speak two words to the High Council every ten years on a special holy day.

He agrees, and spends ten years in contemplation. On the holy day he is seated before the council and says "Food bland". And goes ...

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A Gentleman Is Walking Down The Street With A Duck

On the way he runs into a friend of his. The friend inquires about why he's holding the duck. To which the man replies:

"I know I have to get rid of it, but I love this duck. I'd have to trade it to someone who wants it and I just can't see myself letting it go for nothing. This is absolutely...

A Russian family always ate very bland food. However, one day they invited their Mexican neighbor over for dinner. When little Ivan asked his Babushka while their food tasted so much more flavorful, she replied:

Jesus is the reason for the season.

Yo momma's cooking is so bland

I thought I got Covid-19.

Stale Donuts

I visited a little cafe not too far from the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, and ordered a coffee and a donut. The coffee was bland and cold but worst of all the donut was stale.
“Excuse me” I said “these donuts are stale.”
The assistant was polite “I’m sorry sir, those are yesterday’s donuts.”
“W...

I used to suffer from delusions that I was a bland, flavourless cut of meat...

but now I'm cured.

Why was the procrastinating chef’s soup always so bland?

He ran out of thyme

Why do republicans eat bland food?

They refuse to season anything liberally.

Two cannibal clowns are eating Jerry Seinfeld..

One asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

The other replies, "Nah, it's just bland.. maybe a little dry."

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Three construction workers are sitting on a scaffolding eating lunch.

An electrician, a bricklayer, and a welder are sitting on a high rise scaffolding on their lunch break. They all open their lunches to find baloney sandwiches. The electrician sighs and says

"I hate baloney, my wife knows I hate baloney, yet every day I end up with this sandwich. If I get on...

The Master Chef

A master chef brags to another man that he has at long last created the perfect dish. A dish so delicious that no man alive could resist it culinary divinity.

The man asks how such a dish is possible.

The chef responds that the secret is his artfully crafted blend of herbs and spices t...

An aging farmer decided it was time for his youngest son to start pulling his weight around the farm.

His older, strong-armed and favoured son, Jedediah worked hard every day, getting up extra early every morning to milk the cow before dutifully doing the rest of his chores.

The farmers delicious milk became very popular around the area with neighbours often walking miles in for a glass and ...

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Why was the pirate not interested the prostitute?

Bland hoe

When traveling through nature, it's always smart to bring a seasoned hiker with you.

It's a well known fact that bears find unseasoned hikers bland and tasteless.

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An Irishman's first drink with his son

I was watching that American TV show "Modern Family" and it got me thinking about the time I took my son out for his first drink.



We went down the street to the local pub, only a couple of blocks away.



I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
...

A man checks into a hotel on a business trip

The hotel is one of the most resplendent hotels imaginable, a surprise as the man was expecting rather bland accommodation. As comes with such high standards, there is a computer in the man's room.

He decides to send an e-mail to his wife, but unfortunately typed in the wrong messaging addres...

God was creating all the countries and it was the United Kingdom’s turn.

He turned to his angels and said, “ They shall live on a miserable damp island, they’ll barely get along with each other and be constantly on each other’s throats if not dealing with other countries, have bland food, the worst dental hygiene and have this insufferable fantasy about their country bei...

An old joke from about 100 years ago that's actually somewhat amusing

A Milwaukee man and his wife recently received a call from an old friend whom they had not seen for years. Just before the three sat down to a little supper in the German style, the wife, seizing a favorable opportunity, whispered to her husband:

"We have only three bottles of beer in the hou...

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[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

A guy walks into a bar and order dinner and a beer.

"It's good to get out and eat for once. When I eat at home the food is always so cold and bland," he tells the bartender. "Why is that?" the bartender asks. "I don't know," the guy replies. "I'm guessing because my wife really puts her heart and soul into cooking for me."

TOFU :

For those that enjoy a bland, tasteless joke.

I'm a sophomore in highschool and trying to come up with a joke to include into my physics project, funny-smart people of reddit help me out!

So I'm working on a project with a partner that needs to explain how potatoes and oranges can become batteries by sticking metal in them. I don't want it to be bland though, so if you guys can tell me how to make it funny it'd be great! Thanks

The Spice Mafia

It is a little known fact that some people want spices that they cannot obtain legally. Be it decades-old oregano, salt from the Last Supper, or the flesh of Sean Spicer, some people love strange and unusual spices. However, in order to obtain these spices, they only have one place to turn: the Spic...

A monk joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence

To encourage reflection, the monks who vow silence are required to share one thought on the five-year anniversary with the head Monk.

After five years, the monk meets with the head monk and he says, "food is bland, should be spicy to engage our senses!"

Five years later, another tho...

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Choose heaven or hell

A man dies and goes to heaven where he meets St. Pete. St. Pete welcomes him and says that there is a new regulation now where a soul gets to choose if they want to go to heaven or hell. The soul must spend three days in hell and three days in heaven and after that he chooses where to go.

The...

My son can only see in shades of beige,

Doctors have diagnosed him with colour-blandness.

I heard that Hillary Clinton is actually made of tofu.

She's white, bland, uninspiring and not tasty unless dipped in melty cheese.

Found some gems in my grandpa's old journal, thought r/jokes would appreciate them...

I'll try and transcribe them the way he writes them down, but it is pretty hard since most of them are written in cursive.

Husband got up early Sunday morning to fly a kite. He is having a hard time, kite is going up and down. Wife is watching from the window in her nighty. Finally, she becom...

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A woman joins a silent order of Nuns...

Where she is only aloud to say one sentence a year. So a year after she joins she goes into the room with the head nun, who says 'Tell me your 1 yearly sentence'
The woman says 'Bland food' and exits the room.
The next year she goes in and says 'Damp beds' and exits the room.
The next yea...

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