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Two firefighters...

Two fire fighters are butt-fucking in a smoke filled room. The fire chief walks in and says "what's going on"? The fireman says, Sir, this man has smoke inhalation". The chief says, "Why didn't you give him mouth to mouth?" He said, "I did, how do you think this shit got started?"

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Why are firefighters good at parties?

Because they always bring the hose.



(Repost cos I fucked up spellings first time)

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A lawyer, a priest, and an engineer meet each week for a game of golf.

One day, they get stuck behind the slowest group of players they had ever seen. They were hitting the balls all over the place, getting stuck in just about every trap and patch of rough, and missing just about every putt.

Finally, the group gets frustrated and heads to the clubhouse to find ...

What do cops and firefighters have in common?

They both wanted to be firefighters.

World cup for firefighters

There was this world cup for firefighters(WCF) and the ref's would set a buliding on fire,and the team that stops the fire the fastest wins.

First up were the Germans.They come with some ladders and pipes filled with water.They stop the within 30 min.

Second are the Americans.Again wit...

A Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are playing golf

An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. “That’s a group of blind firefighters,” they are told. “They lost their sight saving our clubhou...

Firefighters are the easiest people to make fun of:

They’re used to getting roasted.

A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.

A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get...

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Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke-filled room..

Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke-filled room..

\*The captain comes in\*

Cptn: "What is going on in here!"

FFs: "He was unconscious."

C: "You're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth!"

F: "How the fuck do you think this started?!"

A doctor, a priest and an engineer go golfing...

After only a few rounds, they get caught behind the worst group of golfers they've ever seen. After growing impatient from waiting for them to finish their holes, they go into the clubhouse to complain.

"Let me explain," says the manager. "You see, those men all used to be firefighters, s...

What kind of work do firefighters do on the 4th of July?

Firework

Firefighters

One night outside a small town in Southern Ireland, a fire started inside    the  local chemical plant.  In the blink of an eye, it exploded into  massive flames.  The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles  around.   When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company presi...

Daddy, which letter firefighters hates the most?

R, son.

I’m sick of those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be “saved” or you’ll “burn.”

Stupid firefighters.

The firefighters in Greece are making the fire worse.

You aren't supposed to use water on Greece fires.

What do you call women firefighters?

Firehoes

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Two firefighters save a mother cat from a tree.

The owner promises them the kittens once they grow big enough, and the firefighters happily accept. Half a year later, the kittens arrive and they bring great joy.

The next day, the two firefighters receive an emergency call stating that a barn is burning. The men rush there and learn that a ...

Why kind of women do Australian Firefighters get?

Hose

What do you call 2 Mexican firefighters?

Jose and Hose-B

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor sai...

Milliseconds are important to volunteer firefighters.

It's the amount of time they have in between meeting you, and telling you they are a volunteer firefighter.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were playing golf...

And they were having a hard time because they were constantly being distracted and disrupted by another group of golfers who were playing very badly.

"Why are they even being allowed to golf here?" the doctor asked their caddie.

"Well," said the caddie, " They used to be firefighters....

What holiday do firefighters refuse to celebrate?

May Day.

My friend got jailed 6 months for pulling 4 people out of a burning building.

Turns out they were firefighters.

Firefighters go to rescue a woman from an upper floor of a burning apartment building.

The firefighters say look, we have two ways to get you out. We have this new technology that allows us to form a fireproof slide that can take you down the stairs. Or, you can just come out the window with us and go down the way we've always done it.

The lady says, "The former seems interesti...

The firefighters dog

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngs...

Some people say that firefighters need more money,

So a poll was taken, and they all fell through the floor.

My father wanted me to be a firefighter

So he installed a brass pole from my bedroom to the living room. It didn't work. But my sisters both work at the Catwalk

A lot of people think that firefighters are overpaid, but recently a pole was taken...

...and they all fell through a hole in the floor.

-Milton Jones

A large apartment building is on fire, and people are trapped...

The first firefighters on scene notice that a couple is in a window 10 stories up, frantically waving their arms. They have a baby, and the smoke and fire is getting thick. The firefighters know that their ladder can't reach that high, and desperately try to come up with a plan.

A bystander,...

Firefighters recovered just the bottom of one shoe after the shoe factory burned down

It was the sole survivor.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer go golfing

They get stuck behind a group of golfers who seemed to be moving slower than usual.
One of the country club members explains to them that this is a group of blind men who lost their eyesight as firefighters. The country club allows them to use the course once a year free of charge.
The priest...

An innocent joke I remember from a radio show or CD from about 20 years ago.

A little boy answered the phone one day. The caller, surprised to hear the young voice says, "Hi, is your mommy or daddy home?".

"Mommy is busy."

"Okay, is your daddy home?" The caller asks.

"No, daddy is busy."

"Okay," says the caller. "Is anyone else there?"

"The...

A math joke

A mathematician quits his job at a major university to pursue work as a firefighter. At his local fire station, the firefighters are impressed with the mathematician's resume and ask him a few questions.

"What do you do if you pass a Dumpster, and it's on fire?"

The mathematician respo...

The pastor and the the quicksand

A pastor falls into quicksand, after 10 minutes the firefighters arrive.

pastor: "I don't need your help! God will save me."

the firefighters leave, after one hour they come back.

pastor: "I already told you, i don't need your help, god will get me out of here and save me!"
<...

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain,.....

Can a hooker get laid off?

Saw some videos about the fires burning near Athens.

Apparently nobody told the firefighters that you can't use water to put out a Greece fire.

A woman goes to the doctor.

A woman goes to the doctor and tells him a story.


She is recently retired, and last week, she went on a trip to a secluded beach resort. She started hiking on a trail, got lost, and slipped and hurt her ankle. She was quite worried, because it was in a secluded spot and she couldn't mo...

A California ranch that was once owned by Ronald Reagan was being threatened by a wildfire

Firefighters attempted to save it by pouring water on a nearby hill and hoping it would trickle down.

The Case Of The Industrial Fire

The industrial fire had been raging for a few hours and no one was able to stop it. Someone called all the fire stations in the nearby towns, and almost all of them were there within minutes. Despite managing to contain the fire by forming a circle around it, the center was still going strong, with ...

I hate these people that knock on your door and tell you they are going to save you and that if you don't listen to their word you will burn and die...

... Damn Firefighters

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Golfing

An Priest, a Doctor, and an Engineer are golfing. There is a group ahead of them moving really slow. The course manager stops by and asks if everything is alright. They ask why the group ahead of them is so slow. He explains that it is a blind group of firefighters that lost their sight putting out ...

Engineering teacher gave us this one.

So a priest, a doctor, and an engineer are playing a round of golf but they are stuck behind an incredibly slow foursome. They keep waiting and finally the groundskeeper drives by and they ask him whats going on with the group ahead.

He explains that the group ahead is made up of four fir...

A candy's factory is on fire

A research team of a candy factory have just lately developed a new type of candy that should change the candy market as we know today forever.

One day, the factory is burning up. While the local firefighters arrive to the site, the CEO of the factory shouts "the brave men that will bring me ...

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Heard this from my brother....

Back story: We are both firefighters and brother is EMT.

Me: “Ah shoot, I hit my elbow, gosh it hurts.”

Brother: “I have some Tryactin in my truck.”

Me: “Do you think it will help?”

Brother: “Let’s see, (pauses)....”

Me: “Well...?”

Brother: “Try actin’ like ...

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