Rescuer Jokes

Rescuers have already pulled 10,000 dead bodies from the wreckage and are still pulling out more...

The animal rescuer meets Saint Peter who reviews her resume of thousands of animals she's saved. Shaking his head, he announces: "Denied."

Next is the homeless shelter director. Saint Peter looks over his resume, nods slightly, but still announces: "Denied."

The volunteer pediatricia... read more

He is finally rescued by a team, and he insists on showing them the life he’s built for himself there. They come across a small clearing with a bunch of makeshift buildings.

He points to the closest one, “That’s my home.” He continues to point to the other buildings as they walk by.

“T... read more

A man is drowning. A helicopter arrives with a dangling rope, but he waves it away, shouting,
; "I am waiting for God
to save me!" After several minutes, a man on a raft appears.


Again the drowning man waves the rescuer away, explaining that he is waiting for God. When another boat ... read more

Rescuers said he could have done with another coat

... and went down. A few weeks later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief said, "Yeah." When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the cr... read more

It’s title.

101 Dull Martians

He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said,”T... read more

The Air Force One vanishes somewhere over a remote farm. Quickly, a rescue party is sent to the last known location. Instead of the plane, they just find a farmer on a bulldozer.

Rescuer: "Have you seen the presidents plane anywhere?"
Farmer: "Yeah it crashed on my field about an hour ag... read more

3 weeks later rescuers found a corpse with a 3 foot dong.

They know the first thing rescuers will look for is the black box

A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.

“Charlie Smith,” someone shouted, “is that you?”

“Yes, it is,” came the reply. “Who are you?”

“We're from the Red Cross.” ... read more

A religious man is on his boat at sea. Hes all alone when his boat starts to sink. Luckily a nearby boat sees that he is sinking and goes over to rescue him. The rescuer shouts from his boat "climb aboard, ill save you". The religious man shouts back "no thank you, god will save me." So the rescuer ... read more

Three guys were out fishing and drinking beer one fine early Spring morning. The lake's ice was now completely melted and the sun shone bright. As one of the guys stood to pee he lost his balance and teetered overboard. When he hadn't surfaced after a few moments one of his friends dove in to try ... read more

Rescuers have found 115 dead so far and expect to find hundreds more as they continue digging.

He bravely fought off his rescuers for hour befor he finally circummed.

He was then cremated and the fire lasted 3 days

He ate 6 crocodiles before the rescuers could get him out.

A firehouse got a call about a pub. The firemen rushed there to see the place ablaze. They could hear someone calling for help from inside. Two of them ran in to see an Irishman trapped under debris. They were able to pull him out as the rest of them fought the fire. One of his rescuers asked how th... read more

Out of nowhere the dog starts to lead him onto the road and into oncoming traffic. Just before the blind man is hit by a truck, a man pulls him off the road with the dog. After realising what's happened the blind man gives his dog a treat, his rescuer asks
'He's just nearly killed you, what are y... read more

'With fronds like that, who needs anemones?'

Rescuers reported the race ended in a Thai.

Rescuers have recovered hundreds of dead so far.

As a test pilot climbed out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.

The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?"

The pilot replies, "I don't know, I just got here myself!"

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly loses engine power and the aircraft begins to descend


The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed t... read more

After hearing this, the director reviews the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

'Mr James,' says the official, 'your records and your heroic behaviour indicate that you are ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around his neck'... read more

as the ship was pulling away from the island one of his rescuers was looking back at the island and noticed three huts on the beach. Curious, he asked the castaway what they were for. "Well" he replied "the first one there was my house and that one over there is my church" "and the other?" asked the... read more

A rescue team arrives at the site of a crashed airplane to find only a single survivor. The rather haggard-looking man is found while chewing on a bone, with a rather large pile of human bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked.

"You can't judge me for this," the man says defensively. "I ... read more

And he sees on the news channel there's a massive storm and flash floods coming.. news channel says to evacuate but he's stays put...
The Rain begins and so the flood waters rise.. his sofa starts to float .. so he climbs out onto the window ledge and a rescue boat comes along..

" *Jump ... read more

One rainy day, a very religious woman was standing on her front porch watching as the river across the street started to rise up its banks. A policeman drove down the road and saw her, pulled his cruiser up her drive, and got out.

"Excuse me miss," he called over to the woman, "but the rains ... read more

Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges.

"You have freed me from my near-eternal captivi... read more