My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a horse race announcer.
“And they’re off..”
[gun goes off]
[every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway
A man was driving down highway 407 when a radio announcer said: “be warned of a car driving the wrong way along the highway”
The man, peeking out the window, scoffs to himself as he thinks “just one? All these idiots are going the wrong way!”
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Couples coffee (OC WIP)
A priest, a marriage counselor, and a notorious playboy are all at of a romantic breakfast for couples event when the announcer gets on stage and pulls back a curtain to reveal a coffee-making robot with hundreds of robotic arms. He announces that this robot automatically makes coffee for both the p...
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through." So the ...
Since y'all liked the monk joke, I modified a joke told by my high school math teacher.
Once there was a king and he attended that monk's temple. One day the monk was late. The king asked him why he was late. And he replied that he had to help his wife with an errand.
"You are so revered monk and yet, you fear your wife!", the king exclaimed. " Well, everyone fears his wife",...
What did Santa bring the naughty soccer announcer?
A bipolar patient, dementia patient, and narcissist walk into a club.
And the announcer says “Welcome to the first 2020 presidential debate.”
I got the clearance from a Newfie
So this Newfie goes ice fishing.
He drills the hole, sits down, and puts his line in. Now he’s sitting there and he hears this ominous voice, “There’s no fish down there”
Puzzled, the Newfie gets up, carries his things a ways away. He drills the hole, sits down, and puts his line i...
I was the announcer at the women’s day expo..
“All the women with fashion sense and business sense sit in the first row. All the women with one or the other sit in the second row.” I announced.
“What row do you sit in if you have neither?” A perplexed woman asked.
I answered her “LuLaRoe.”