Soviet joke: a family is watching the evening news when the announcer says taxes on vodka will be going up.

“This means there will be some major changes for our family, comrades,” says the man.

“You mean you will be drinking less?” asks his son.

“Nyet,” says the father. “You will all be eating less.”

Why do golf announcers whisper?

Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.

Why did the TV announcer get mad?

Because someone touched that dial

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

What vegetable can work as a sports announcer?

A common tater.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching TV and the announcer said that there was a documentary about the clitoris on the red button...

But I couldn’t find it.

Couple at a Bull Auction

This couple goes to an agriculture show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull produced 60 times last year." The wife nudges her husband in...

What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?

COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man was driving down highway 407 when a radio announcer said: “be warned of a car driving the wrong way along the highway”

The man, peeking out the window, scoffs to himself as he thinks “just one? All these idiots are going the wrong way!”

What did Santa bring the naughty soccer announcer?

COOOOOAAAALLLLLL!!!!!

My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with acting like a horse race announcer.

“And they’re off..”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I'm in an airplane right now and the pilot just made an announcement...

About safety and all that and when it was finished I guess he forgot to turn off the PA announcer. So not knowing that everyone on the plane can hear whatever he say on the PA system, he tells the co-pilot, "I can't wait to drink a cup of coffee and fuck one of these flight attendants."

One o...

What do you call a potato announcer?

A commenTater

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman and her annoying nephew entered a lawn bowling contest.

The sun was out, the grounds had been immaculately prepared and every retiree within city limits had turned out for the event. Pearl had to admit that she was feeling better about the day now that it had finally arrived.

A few weeks ago when her delinquent of a sister had foisted her awful...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dusty Hill Blinked his eye open.

His head felt fuzzy. His eyes sticky. Dusty Hill Blinked his eyes open. "Wake up Dusty" said a familiar voice. His eyes focused, his brain whirled. It couldn't be who it seemed to be. Jimi mother fucking hendrix?

.

"Wake up Dusty. It's showtime!" Said the coolest voice ev...

I was the announcer at the women’s day expo..

“All the women with fashion sense and business sense sit in the first row. All the women with one or the other sit in the second row.” I announced.

“What row do you sit in if you have neither?” A perplexed woman asked.

I answered her “LuLaRoe.”

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