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A mate of mine once had sex with the exhaust pipe on the back of his lorry.

He found out a week later he was HGV positive.

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A farmer is worried that his sex life with his wife is getting a bit dry (NSFW)

They go to see a therapist, who asks them what they think the problem is. The wife says, "I just don't have time for it, I'm too busy cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and everything else. Sex is starting to lose its appeal".

The farmer is disheartened to hear this, but listens to the ther...

Did you hear about the Trump terrorist who tried to blow up a car?

He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

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After 40 years as a gynecologist,

John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love—car mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in a car mechanics class and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. ...

A blonde has a bump in her car

She starts crying, all upset because she doesn’t want her husband to know and make fun of her.

A brunette comes along and tells her to blow into the exhaust pipe, like in a balloon, and it’ll fix the bump.

The blond blows in the pipe for about 10 minutes when another blonde comes along...

Can you beat my top 3 Polish jokes?

>What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name

>Did you hear about the Polish carpool?

They meet at work in the morning

>Did you heal about the Polish terrorist that tried to blow up the bus?

He burnt his lips on the ...

Gynecologist Career Change

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork so he decided to give up practicing medicine.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classe...

A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.

After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the en...

A Rabbi moves into a Christian neighborhood

Next Sunday, he watches his neighbors wash their cars. First neighbor takes a bucket of water and dumps it over his car's hood. Second neighbor takes a bucket of water and dumps it over his car's hood.

The Rabbi went into the shack, got his iron saw and cut off the tip of his car's exhaust pi...

A gynaecologist wants a change of profession.

A gynaecologist was a bit bored of his job and wanted a change of profession. He decided that he liked the idea of becoming a mechanic and applied for a position at the local garage. Sure enough he got the job and on his first day he was waiting for his first task. A car pulls up needing some work d...

A gynecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers.

He'd always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics. When the class ended, the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.
The gynecologist did his best-and was amazed to find he scored 150%. ...

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Cliff and Billy are two farmers, who have been friends their entire lives.

Billy goes to Cliff's house, but he can't find him anywhere. Just as Billy is about to leave, he walks by the barn doors and sees Cliff through the gap. Cliff has his pants around his ankles and his dick in the exhaust pipe of his old John Deere.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bill exclaims.<...

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The rabbi moves next to the priest.

The rabbi moves next to the priest. On the first day, the priest sees how dirty is the car of the rabbi, and he washes the vehicle, as an act of courtesy. When he wakes up on the next morning he hears the sound of a hack saw. He looks through the window, and sees that the rabbi just cut down the end...

Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."

A gynecologist decides to make a career change...

He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."

The doctor...

A former proctologist was getting tired of his job and the relentless teasing of his friends...

...so he decided to explore the field of auto mechanics.

He went to an auto trade school to get certified and generally excelled at everything. After a lengthy time, the day of his final certification test finally arrived. The former proctologist conducted the hands-on practical and then ea...

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Confucius says... (maybe slightly nsfw)

...man who take woman camping have one in-tent.

...man who puts rooster in freezer gets stiff cock.

...man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

...man who makes love to exhaust pipe have hot rod.

My dad and brothers(and uncles) are to blame for most of these horrib...

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A Hispanic carpenter is feeling depressed

After living a life of always reading other people's directions and instructions to do his job, he decides he wants to to make his *own* decision for once: Committing suicide.

So he scribbles down some words on a piece of paper and reviews what he wrote, nodding in approval. He hops into his...

A blonde goes to a mechanic to ask about fixing dents in her car

She asks the mechanic
"How can I fix the dents myself as I have no money to pay for the repairs."
The Mechanic being a funny guy responds
"Just blow into the exhaust pipe as hard as you can and the dents will disappear".
So the blonde goes home and starts blowing into the exhaust pipe....

Blond joke

A blonde goes to her car in the parking and to her shock there is a dent on the flank. A guy passing by seeing she is blonde tells her: "you need to go on your knees on blow in the exhaust pipe as hard as you can. Then just like a plastic bottle it will go back to normal."
The blonde is very tha...

Bored Proctologist

A Proctologist who got tired of his profession decided to follow his lifelong dream and become a mechanic. After 2 years of school, he took a final exam where he passed with 150 percent. Confused, the Ex Proctologist asked how that was possible. The teacher replied that he received 50 points for cor...

Blonde Auto Repair...

A blonde was driving to the mall (of course!) when she got caught in a sudden hailstorm with hail the size of golf balls. Her car was ruined. She took it to a body shop and asked the appraiser, "How much to fix it?" The appraiser's answer was $5,000. The fair-hair girl exclaims, "Wow! That much? Isn...

A gynecologist decides to retrain as an auto mechanic

He goes to a technical school and learns how to fix cars. The final exam is to take a working engine, take it apart and reassemble it in working order.

After completing the test, he gets the results in the mail: he scored 150 out of 100 points. He calls his instructor to make sure there wasn...

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