A Dad and Son were busy chopping down a tree out the front of their house...

Once chopped down, they began putting the branches into a wood chipper.

“Careful!” the Dad snapped, “I’ve told you before, don’t stand too close otherwise you’ll be completely covered in wood chips and dust.”

“Yes Dad,” sighed the Son. He’d been told off all day.

An Irishman,...

What do you call it when a bunch of ghosts slime the same person?

Boo-kkake!!!

What do you get when you cross a hippo with a monstrous slime?

...

A hippopotamorphous blob!

Hey girl are you a slime ball?

'Because you make my piston sticky

A very rich snail slimed into a Cadillac dealership...

...and said,"I want your most expensive car."
The salesman said,"Very well sir. Is that all?"
The snail said,"No. I'd like it to have a custom paint job." The salesman said,"Yes sir. What do you want the car to look like?"
The snail said,"I'd like every door painted
with a large letter ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A snail slimed into a bar...

... slimed his way across the floor, up the bar and across the counter top and said to the barman "I'll have a pint of Guinness please." The barman turns to him and says, "we don't serve snails here, fuck off!" and flicks him off the counter and out of the door. Three months later the snail returns ...

A Conductor on a train...

There once was this guy who worked for the Railroad as a conductor. Let's say his name was Joe. Well, Joe was walking through the train, en route, collecting tickets from the passengers. He comes to car 12, booth 3. In it was a man.

So, he asked him for his ticket: "Excuse me sir, do have you...

Whats the worst thing about a lung transplant?

The first bit of slime is not yours.

Why does Marshawn Lynch sit in the back at the Kid's Choice awards?

He's just there so he won't get slimed.

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