UPJOKE
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Mandated Jokes

Pete goes for his yearly physical that's mandated through his work

They send them out in groups to the doctor during the work day.

So it's Pete's turn with the doctor and he leaves his buddies in the waiting room to go into the doctors office. They go through all the motions of an annual physical. Finally at the end the doctor asked Pete to bend over the exa...

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I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

Thirty children dead after their school mandated they wear bulletproof vests to prevent shootings.

Swimming lessons should probably have been exempted.

My relationship with my ex-wife is a lot like my relationship with COVID-19.

In each case the government has mandated that I maintain a certain distance from them.

Finnish people eagerly await giving up the mandatory social distancing guidelines

So they can return from the government mandated 2 meters of distance to the normal 5 meters

When I asked the court why I was forced to accompany a gentleman to a social engagement

They said I was mandated

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USSR jokes about America

My dad told me this one was a classic when he lived in the former Soviet Union:

So as you know, Russia and America would send spies against each other frequently. All American spies were mandated to learn Russian and all Russians English.

Well so, the American spy gets dropped off in ...

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The Cod Captain and His Seamen's Semen

Several centuries ago, Irish fishermen sought fortune fishing cod off the coast of Newfoundland. During the long cross-Atlantic journey, many captains worried about their men after so much time away from their wives.

One devoutly Catholic captain was especially concerned that his men might re...

Quasimodo passed away

After years of hanging out in the bell tower, Quasimodo got drunk and careless and slipped over a rail, falling to his death one cold night.

The cathedral HR department put out a posting to get a replacement for him, but due to the eerie nature of the bell tower, they only got one response - ...

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