I have Apple appliances in every room of my home.

In addition everyone in my household owns an iPhone, iPad or both. We are pretty diligent about keeping all of the devices synchronized with each other. All, except for some reason, the kitchen.

I guess you could say, everything but the kitchen’s synch’d.

My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing electrical appliances.

Welp she’s in for a shock.

My grandfather made a fortune manufacturing kitchen appliances

He was a fridge magnate.

Credit: Hot Fuzz

Some people can't even fit kitchen appliances through their front door.

Just let that sink in.

How does Thor power his appliances?

With a lightning Adapter

A son asked his mother, "Why are wedding dresses white?"

She replied, "It shows your friends and relatives that the bride is pure."

Then the son went and asked the same question to his father.

"All household appliances come in white," said his father.

Most appliances use a Linux based OS

But washing machines have windows

My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.

I compromised and bought her a toaster.

How do kitchen appliances greet each other?

They micro-wave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When it comes to most appliances, we put them through some shit...

But when it comes to toilets, we put some shit through them.

What is it called when kitchen appliances get together for a meeting?

A cabinet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A widow, Claire, was looking to move away from the city, and looked for a small town to live her final years in.

She drove a few hours out into the countryside to find a good place to move into. Eventually she came by Barkstown, and this peculiar name piqued her curiosity.

She drove in and was amazed by the amount of dogs there were in this town, but she was getting hungry from not eating all day.
...

Appliances

My wife has made me buy an electric bread maker, electric stove, electric blender, electric toaster and other appliances. Now she's complaining that we have too many appliances and nowhere to sit down. So I bought her an electric chair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate my dodgy household appliances...

My hairdryer sucks and my vaccum blows.

A store manager is doing the rounds one day when he comes upon a new employee talking to a customer

The customer wants a TV, but the employee says they don't have any so the customer walks away.

The manager, annoyed, calls the employee to his office and tells him "We never say no to a customer. Next time, tell him you need to fetch it from the back. Then go buy it from the store next door a...

Why do women get married in white?

To match the kitchen appliances.

Why do brides always dress in white?

Because home appliances usually come that way.

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he ...

White wedding dresses

Two old men were sitting in a restaurant having a cup of coffee when one of them looks at the other and asks, “Why are wedding dresses always white?” The other man thinks for a moment and says, “Well, you know, I think it means the bride’s love is pure.”

The first old man does not seem convi...

My wife has an iron deficiency.

In fact, she’s deficient with most household appliances.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate guys who don't respect women

They're more than just a vagina, they're all of your household appliances in one handy package as well

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a husband comes home early from work...

And see’s his wife’s clothes sprawled all over the living room, surprised and confused, he rushes for his bedroom and see’s her butt naked on their bed with a suspicious look on her face. Alright, where is he? He asks. Furious, he starts throwing a fit and searches every nook and crack to no avail....

Why are wedding dresses white

So that the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

There was once a friendly mute ghost, ironically named sound.

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that...

GF: I'm leaving you!

Me: Is it because I create gf nicknames out of names of kitchen appliances?

GF: No, it's because you're always making fun of my height

Me: You know I love you microbabe!

Old joke time, Why are wedding dresses white?

To match the other appliances in the kitchen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

4 jokes you shouldn't laugh at but you still do ..... NSFW I guess

Reddit give me your worst most racist/sexist/dirtiest joke that you know you shouldn't laugh at but you still do. I'll start off with a few of my favorites:

Q: what do you call 5 black men hanging in a tree?
A: Mississippi wind chime

Q: why do women wear white on their wedding day?<...

Why do women wear white on their wedding day?

All good kitchen appliances come in white. (Don't hurt me)

Three engineers were trying to make smarthome devices (from a friend)

Three engineers and a manager are sitting around some appliances to help make them smarthome compatible.

The first engineer turns his attention to the refrigerator, "We should connect this fridge to the internet and make it tell you when food is going bad, I will need an Intel i7 if we want t...

Recently reconciled with my brother after a long conflict.

I apologised for slashing his tires, and he regretted breaking some of my home appliances.

But hey, it's all water under the fridge now.

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