Elected Jokes

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fare ... read more

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
... read more

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv... read more

The first thing he'll do is to assemble his cabinet.

On her first night in the White House (not counting when she was first lady), she is visited by the ghost of George Washington.

She asks, "What can I do to help America?"

Washington replies "Serve your country selflessly and always be honest"

*Hillary laughs in his face*

... read more

Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.

....Like the words President Bush.

He was Putin!

Stop making cents.

It’s Trudeau.

The night after he was sworn into office, Vladimir Putin had a dream. In it, he stood in a long, elegant hall, and was surrounded by all of the great leaders of Russia, from Ivan the Terrible to Boris Yeltsin. Looking around at them all, he eventually bows his head and says:

"Great rulers o... read more

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

The CEO offered an employee a bonus of $10k or to double it and pass it on to the next employee.

The first employee elected to double and pass it on. The CEO thought what a generous individual this was and then moved on to the next employee.

The next employee also declined the (now)... read more

- Sent from Internet Explorer

Ba Dum Tss

They're now the speaker of the house

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"

"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is ... read more

Oh, Crimea river!

You'd think the Angels would do something like that for Mike Trout.

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w... read more

Not by choice either.

Most politicians act like heroes to get elected and comedians while in office.

He was highest in the Peking order.

Batman: to the Batmobile.

Robin: Batman! The car is not starting.

Batman: Check the battery.

Robin: What the heck is a tery?

[removed]

No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise...’

"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"

Its leading tone is flat.

Like you're about to fire them.

...it will be the first time in History that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a black family.

Because they are naysayers.

But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.

Unfortunately, too many of them got elected.

...there are a lot of rituals in accordance with tradition. Well, there is one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velv... read more

I can't get back over the wall anyway.

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said... read more

Because he promised to make a difference!

Putin has met with 3 of them.

He won 134% of the vote.

will she only make 70% of what Obama makes?

During a security briefing at the White House, the Defense Secretary breaks some tragic news: "Mr President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday while supporting U.S. troops."

"My God!" shrieks President Trump, and he buries his head in his hands. He remains stunned and silent for ... read more

It’s now called the Hypocratic Oath...

So taxpayers can save 23% on paying the presidential salary.

".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."

Politicians never keep their word

That's 2.5 million jobs he's already made!

Today I know why we never developed time travel.