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The first Jewish President of the United States is elected

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fare ...

The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

Batman and Robin were elected from the exploding Batjet

Batman: to the Batmobile.

Robin: Batman! The car is not starting.

Batman: Check the battery.

Robin: What the heck is a tery?

When my wife told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought she was lying.

It’s Trudeau.

Not all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...

Many begin with "If I am elected, I promise to..."

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

How was president Xi elected?

He was highest in the Peking order.

Vladimir Zelenski is a backwards politician.

Most politicians act like heroes to get elected and comedians while in office.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wealthy village man, Narendra Singh, is elected the leader of a group of villages in North India

He decides to give a victory speech to each of these villages. To do this, however, he realized he would need a secretary to introduce him and brag about how great he is, because it would look stupid if he did it himself. So he hires Mohan Nath, a highly respected member of his own village.

M...

"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"

Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
...

Personally, I am against political jokes.

They get elected to office too often.

In the year 2000, Putin was elected President of Russia...

The night after he was sworn into office, Vladimir Putin had a dream. In it, he stood in a long, elegant hall, and was surrounded by all of the great leaders of Russia, from Ivan the Terrible to Boris Yeltsin. Looking around at them all, he eventually bows his head and says:

"Great rulers o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If that fucker Trump gets re-elected, I'm going to Mexico

but not by choice though

If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....

....Like the words President Bush.

Trump is reportedly upset that the Ukraine just elected a comedian as president.

Oh, Crimea river!

How do you talk to elected officials?

Like you're about to fire them.

Hillary Clinton is elected President.

On her first night in the White House (not counting when she was first lady), she is visited by the ghost of George Washington.

She asks, "What can I do to help America?"

Washington replies "Serve your country selflessly and always be honest"

*Hillary laughs in his face*

...

Why can't mixolydian get elected?

Its leading tone is flat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Trump is elected president...

He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man.

Did you here that all newly elected politicians have to take an updated oath of office?

It’s now called the Hypocratic Oath...

Putin and the Journalist

With the Russian Elections coming up, a reporter asks Russian President Vladimir Putin a question at a press conference.

"With Hillary Clinton almost becoming president, and Kamala Harris being elected the Vice President in the United States, do you think that a Russian woman could ever rise ...

What's the difference between winter in Ukraine vs winter in Texas?

In Ukraine during winter, the elected officials stay and fight an invasion.

In Texas during winter, the elected officials catch a flight to Cancun.

If Trump is re-elected I will stay in the country

I can't get back over the wall anyway.

When I was a boy, my dad told me the great thing about America is that anyone could be elected a governor, senator, or even the President!

I'm starting to believe him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How could Donald Trump ever get elected in this great nation?

...said the country pissed off that the super bowl didn’t play music from spongebob.

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

I'd make a political joke but it would just end up being elected president

Ba Dum Tss

BREAKING: Barack Obama just elected President of the US

- Sent from Internet Explorer

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

I'm probably moving back to my home country if Trump gets elected.

Not by choice either.

What happened to the Mexican after Donald Trump was elected?

[removed]

In the Catholic Church, the pope is elected for life.

Putin has met with 3 of them.

A Jewish man is elected president...

Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"

"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is ...

Why don't horses get elected to congress?

Because they are naysayers.

Every time a new Pope is elected...

...there are a lot of rituals in accordance with tradition. Well, there is one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velv...

It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?"

".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."

Why was the subtraction sign elected president?

Because he promised to make a difference!

I don’t think Elon Musk’s comments hurt his odds of being elected to public office

Now he just has to run as a Republican

If Trump gets elected...

...it will be the first time in History that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a black family.

Since Trump got elected 2.5 million Americans want to leave the country

That's 2.5 million jobs he's already made!

I don't think we should be to worried if Trump gets elected

Politicians never keep their word

Vladimir Putin was just re-elected.

He won 134% of the vote.

There was a jungle tribe of people who lived entirely off the land...

They hunted and foraged, and built structures with wildgrasses and leaves. Most of the tribe was kind and giving, except for the one greedy old coot. He did not live modestly: full feasts when others were hungry, 2-story hut when the rest were 1, and the rarest dyes on all of his clothes. This old c...

Trump being elected is proof that we never developed time travel.

Today I know why we never developed time travel.

USA elected a billionaire that is appointing other billionaires to fix the system that made them billionaires

I laughed so hard thinking about this on the dinner table

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