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The first Jewish President of the United States is elected

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.

"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit for the inauguration and stay with me for a few days."

"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."

"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"

"Oh, but you know, cab fare ...

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."
...

The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.

If Biden is elected, I'm leaving the country

If Trump is reelected, I'm leaving the country.

This is not a political post. I just want to travel.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden.

The first thing he'll do is to assemble his cabinet.

Hillary Clinton is elected President.

On her first night in the White House (not counting when she was first lady), she is visited by the ghost of George Washington.

She asks, "What can I do to help America?"

Washington replies "Serve your country selflessly and always be honest"

*Hillary laughs in his face*

...

Hilary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected in to office.

Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Trump is elected president...

He will be the first billionaire to move into government housing after a black man.

If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me....

....Like the words President Bush.

Russia's president wasn't elected....

He was Putin!

David Byrne gets elected US President. His first official act is to ban the penny. He issued an executive order to...

Stop making cents.

When my wife told me that the Prime Minister of Canada got re-elected, I thought she was lying.

It’s Trudeau.

In the year 2000, Putin was elected President of Russia...

The night after he was sworn into office, Vladimir Putin had a dream. In it, he stood in a long, elegant hall, and was surrounded by all of the great leaders of Russia, from Ivan the Terrible to Boris Yeltsin. Looking around at them all, he eventually bows his head and says:

"Great rulers o...

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

The CEO offered an employee a bonus of $10k or to double it and pass it on

The CEO offered an employee a bonus of $10k or to double it and pass it on to the next employee.

The first employee elected to double and pass it on. The CEO thought what a generous individual this was and then moved on to the next employee.

The next employee also declined the (now)...

BREAKING: Barack Obama just elected President of the US

- Sent from Internet Explorer

I'd make a political joke but it would just end up being elected president

Ba Dum Tss

My home stereo system recently got elected as a member of the house of representatives

They're now the speaker of the house

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

A Jewish man is elected president...

Soon after, he calls up his mother to tell her the good news. "Mom, did you hear, I've been elected president!" "Oh, T
That's so great to hear, darling. I'm so proud of you!"

"So," asks the man, "you'll be coming out for the inauguration, right?" "I'm not sure," says his mother, "D.C. is ...

Trump is reportedly upset that the Ukraine just elected a comedian as president.

Oh, Crimea river!

TIL the Pope is elected by the Cardinals.

You'd think the Angels would do something like that for Mike Trout.

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If that fucker Trump gets re-elected, I'm going to Mexico

but not by choice though

I'm probably moving back to my home country if Trump gets elected.

Not by choice either.

Vladimir Zelenski is a backwards politician.

Most politicians act like heroes to get elected and comedians while in office.

How was president Xi elected?

He was highest in the Peking order.

Batman and Robin were elected from the exploding Batjet

Batman: to the Batmobile.

Robin: Batman! The car is not starting.

Batman: Check the battery.

Robin: What the heck is a tery?

What happened to the Mexican after Donald Trump was elected?

[removed]

Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘once upon a time’?

No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise...’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.


Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776


\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "

"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"

Why can't mixolydian get elected?

Its leading tone is flat.

How do you talk to elected officials?

Like you're about to fire them.

If Trump gets elected...

...it will be the first time in History that a billionaire moves into public housing vacated by a black family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How could Donald Trump ever get elected in this great nation?

...said the country pissed off that the super bowl didn’t play music from spongebob.

Why don't horses get elected to congress?

Because they are naysayers.

Say what you like about Donald Trump..

But he's doing more than anyone else in the world to stop Donald Trump from being elected president.

I used to really enjoy political jokes...

Unfortunately, too many of them got elected.

Every time a new Pope is elected...

...there are a lot of rituals in accordance with tradition. Well, there is one tradition that very few people know about. Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velv...

If Trump is re-elected I will stay in the country

I can't get back over the wall anyway.

An airplane was about to crash..

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said...

Why was the subtraction sign elected president?

Because he promised to make a difference!

In the Catholic Church, the pope is elected for life.

Putin has met with 3 of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wealthy village man, Narendra Singh, is elected the leader of a group of villages in North India

He decides to give a victory speech to each of these villages. To do this, however, he realized he would need a secretary to introduce him and brag about how great he is, because it would look stupid if he did it himself. So he hires Mohan Nath, a highly respected member of his own village.

M...

Vladimir Putin was just re-elected.

He won 134% of the vote.

If Hillary is elected.....

will she only make 70% of what Obama makes?

After Trump is elected President.

During a security briefing at the White House, the Defense Secretary breaks some tragic news: "Mr President, three Brazilian soldiers were killed yesterday while supporting U.S. troops."

"My God!" shrieks President Trump, and he buries his head in his hands. He remains stunned and silent for ...

Did you here that all newly elected politicians have to take an updated oath of office?

It’s now called the Hypocratic Oath...

I hope Hilary gets elected.

So taxpayers can save 23% on paying the presidential salary.

It's 2023, a child asks her father "how did Donald Trump get elected?"

".....that was the year all the adults were busy coloring."

I don't think we should be to worried if Trump gets elected

Politicians never keep their word

Since Trump got elected 2.5 million Americans want to leave the country

That's 2.5 million jobs he's already made!

Trump being elected is proof that we never developed time travel.

Today I know why we never developed time travel.

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