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Edible Jokes

A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: (the Washington Post competition)

I'll go first... I love you and the smell of your hair,Please don't be home when I get there.


EDIT- I have to say, the rhymes and creativity; you all are incredible, Now I have to wonder who's most edible...(no really great job to all)

Why do gamblers feed their cows edibles?

Because they like it when the steaks are high

Yesterday I was on a Edible Plants and Folk Medicine Nature Walk

The guide noted that St. John's Wort is believed to be useful for mood, including anxiety and depression.

Older woman who keeps asking questions: "There seems to be a lot here, don't the deer eat it?"

Me: "If they did, they might jump in front of cars less."

The naturalist was a...

What is the most edible part of a car?

The passenger.

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm... that was some good lion meat!".

The lion abruptly stops and says "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he l...

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

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I just took two fiber capsules and a marijuana edible.

I did it for shits and giggles.

Edibles

A town banned marijuana so they fed it to the cattle. The steaks have never been higher.

My friend told me, "did you know trees drop edible stuff that's not fruit?"

"that's nuts" I replied.

What happens to you when you consume an "edible"?

You turn into a Weed Eater.

What happens when a pig eats an edible?

It becomes a pot bellied pig.

I meant to get my mom an Edible Arrangement for Mother's Day

Accidentally got an Oedipal Arrangement and boy is this brunch awkward

Give a man an edible, he'll be baked for a day...

Put a man in an oven, and he'll be baked for the rest of his life.

All mushrooms are edible

But some mushrooms are only edible once

Edible panties are delicious -

I eat them straight out of the box.

I told my psychiatrist that I can only get high if I take THC gummies with my mom.

Apparently I have an edible complex.

What do you call a green and edible table?

A Vegetable

I've been having a terrible time working at the edible paper company.

Luckily, my contract just expired.

I just made a bran cereal with edibles in it

High 'n Fibre

If I eat a Marijuana edible

Will I get a pot belly?

What do you name an edible cat?

Oedipus.

My gardener talked to me about edible herbs I can grow.

It was sage advice.

How do IT stoners measure their edibles?

In gigglebites.

What is yellow and is not edible?

A bulldozer.

The weed gummy maker knew it was bound to happen, however it truly was a spectacle for him to see things finally going wrong. The gummies came out hard as a rock and tasted horrible. Unfortunately it was too late for him to make changes to this batch.

He made the inevitable incredible inedible un-editable edible

Fun fact, clown fish are edible.

But be forewarned, they taste funny.

My buddy was on his mustang after feeding it edibles.

I kept telling him to get off his high horse.

Do you know the four stages of edibles?

I don't feel anything,
I don't feel anything,
I don't feel anything,
Take me to the hospital.

TIFU by mistakenly dropping edibles in tonight's dinner, and my wife has a very important meeting...

I have no idea how high the steaks are...

Told my doctor I ate nothing but candy edibles for a month

Turns out I have highiabetes

Little Johnny and classmates are asked to bring an edible item to the classroom...

"So, Mary, what did you bring today?", the teacher asks.

"An apple. We love apples at home."

"Great, what about you, Annie?"

"I brought a PB & Jelly sandwich. It's so yummy!"

"Everybody loves those... and you, what did you bring today?"

Little Johnny opens his ...

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A mother sends her little son out to get some edible silver balls for the top of a birthday cake...

The son misunderstands, and comes back with a bag of very small steel ball bearings. Being so tiny, nobody notices them as they're swallowed from the top of the cake. That is, until next morning...

The elder daughter comes downstairs and says "Mum, I was so uncomfortable this morning. I had...

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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

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My friend hoarded five pallets of toilet paper rolls but ran out of money for food and medicine. Then he says “I wonder if toilet paper is edible?”...

Ass King for a friend...

The Appetizer

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Here's your beer and a complimentary plate of roasted mushrooms that I picked out in the woods behind the bar just this morning," the bartender says. "Wait, are these mushrooms even edible?" the guy asks. "Oh, come on. ALL mushrooms are edible," the bartend...

A radiologist had fallen on hard times. Looking around for what he could eat, he saw that his keyboard didn't have safety warnings suggesting it wasn't edible. After getting so far, he began having stomach pains, so he decided to take an X-ray. He found an asterisk...

...blocking the colon.

Pun Fact

If you accidentally inhaled an edible… you would have high aspirations.

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What do you get if you make a weed brownie in the shape of your mother’s vagina?

An Edible Oedipal Edible

People are a lot like Vegetables. Sometimes when you're buying produce you see some that are bruised, dented, misshapen..

Not all of them are perfect on the outside, what really matters is that they're really all the same on the inside and every one is equally edible.

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Naked and Afraid is a fun show because you get to watch the participants removed from their comfort zones and they try and get something edible within the allotted time in order to survive a harsh environment that will punish them for every failure.

Incidentally, that is also why I watch Chopped.

Not all babies are sweet...

Some require a lot of sauce to even be edible.

Onions

My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.

I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.

My friend's parents run a marijuana bakery.

They make cookies, brownies, scones, the works. But my friend is odd. He will only eat edibles made by his mother, and he never touches edibles made by his father.



I think he has an edible complex.

A new invention

An inventor walks into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. "Let's celebrate!" the inventor tells the bartender. "My latest invention is finally in production and will be on the market soon ... just in time for this crazy cold snap that is coming next week." "What is it?" the bartender asks. "It'...

Fine, I'll get of my high horse!

But you really should STOP giving the horses edibles, you know?

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Two explorers in the 1950s crash land on a remote island

They are soon captured by the local tribe. They are told that if they do not complete 2 tasks they will be killed and eaten. However if they succeed they can live like kings with their own harem.

First they must go into the jungle and find 10 edible things and bring them back.
They go, an...

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A man is driving when he notices a new bar has opened up

He decides he could use a drink, so he walks in and takes a seat at the bar. He is greeted by the bartender who promptly asks him what he would like to drink. “I’ll take a... I’ll do a Crown and 7-Up,” the man says. The bartender nods his head in acknowledgement, does a quick search under the counte...

I can’t stop eating these weed brownies my mom made.

I guess I have an edible complex

There were two termites discussing what to have for dinner.

“I was thinking about a steak” one termite said.
“The edible one or the wooden one?” Asked the other.
The first one asked, “what’s the difference?”

A cannibal father and son

A cannibal father & son

A cannibal father and son were out looking for food in a local park.
A obese guy comes by and the son ask “dad should we eat him,” father answers “no my son, he have to much fat, we’ll get to tired for days”.

A little while later a skinny man comes by a...

A cake walked into a bar...

It was gonna try to find it's owner because it was celebrating his 50th birthday.

But when the people saw the cake they were very puzzled. What is this thing? (Seeing very well that it had legs and arms)

The cake replied, "I am a cake looking for someone named- ooh I don't remember b...

Englishman, Frenchman and New Yorker Meet The Cannibals

Oldie but goodie

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a New Yorker are out exploring, and they're captured by cannibals. The king of the cannibals says "We're going to eat you now, because we're cannibals and that's what we do. But we're not savages like we used to be, so we're not going to tortur...

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A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation.

They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves.

"I'm an engineer" says American, "So ...

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

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