A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before".

So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "mmm...that was some good lion meat!".

The lion abruptly stops and says " Woah! This guy seems tougher then he l...

Edibles

A town banned marijuana so they fed it to the cattle. The steaks have never been higher.

I just made a bran cereal with edibles in it

High 'n Fibre

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Naked and Afraid is a fun show because you get to watch the participants removed from their comfort zones and they try and get something edible within the allotted time in order to survive a harsh environment that will punish them for every failure.

Incidentally, that is also why I watch Chopped.

What do you call a green and edible table?

A Vegetable

What is the most edible part of a car?

The passenger.

My friend told me, "did you know trees drop edible stuff that's not fruit?"

"that's nuts" I replied.

I'm never eating edibles again!

I watched an entire movie on mute and started crying cause I thought I was deaf.

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Two explorers in the 1950s crash land on a remote island

They are soon captured by the local tribe. They are told that if they do not complete 2 tasks they will be killed and eaten. However if they succeed they can live like kings with their own harem.

First they must go into the jungle and find 10 edible things and bring them back.
They go, an...

TIFU by mistakenly dropping edibles in tonight's dinner, and my wife has a very important meeting...

I have no idea how high the steaks are...

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My friend hoarded five pallets of toilet paper rolls but ran out of money for food and medicine. Then he says “I wonder if toilet paper is edible?”...

Ass King for a friend...

My gardener talked to me about edible herbs I can grow.

It was sage advice.

How do IT stoners measure their edibles?

In gigglebites.

My buddy was on his mustang after feeding it edibles.

I kept telling him to get off his high horse.

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A mother sends her little son out to get some edible silver balls for the top of a birthday cake...

The son misunderstands, and comes back with a bag of very small steel ball bearings. Being so tiny, nobody notices them as they're swallowed from the top of the cake. That is, until next morning...

The elder daughter comes downstairs and says "Mum, I was so uncomfortable this morning. I had...

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

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What do you get if you make a weed brownie in the shape of your mother’s vagina?

An Edible Oedipal Edible

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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

Edible panties are delicious -

I eat them straight out of the box.

Told my doctor I ate nothing but candy edibles for a month

Turns out I have highiabetes

Not all babies are sweet...

Some require a lot of sauce to even be edible.

If I eat a Marijuana edible

Will I get a pot belly?

Little Johnny and classmates are asked to bring an edible item to the classroom...

"So, Mary, what did you bring today?", the teacher asks.

"An apple. We love apples at home."

"Great, what about you, Annie?"

"I brought a PB & Jelly sandwich. It's so yummy!"

"Everybody loves those... and you, what did you bring today?"

Little Johnny opens his ...

What do you name an edible cat?

Oedipus.

Do you know the four stages of edibles?

I don't feel anything,
I don't feel anything,
I don't feel anything,
Take me to the hospital.

What is yellow and is not edible?

A bulldozer.

Who comes up with these edible underwear flavors anyway?

Fruit? Chocolate? It’s not like it’s an ice cream sundae down there. Is hushpuppy flavored or maybe Cheddar Bay Biscuit® flavored edible underwear too much to ask for? They could sell them in the Gift Shop over to the Cracker Barrel. Open up to a whole new demographic.

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A man is driving when he notices a new bar has opened up

He decides he could use a drink, so he walks in and takes a seat at the bar. He is greeted by the bartender who promptly asks him what he would like to drink. “I’ll take a... I’ll do a Crown and 7-Up,” the man says. The bartender nods his head in acknowledgement, does a quick search under the counte...

Fun fact, clown fish are edible.

But be forewarned, they taste funny.

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Dave gets shipwrecked and stranded on a small tropical island...

... he sets out to explore his new surroundings, and finds another survivor. It's Taylor Swift. He's a bit star-struck at first, but manages to pull it together enough to help her up off the shore.

He manages to build a hut for shelter, and starts a fire for warmth overnight, and finds edib...

My friend's parents run a marijuana bakery.

They make cookies, brownies, scones, the works. But my friend is odd. He will only eat edibles made by his mother, and he never touches edibles made by his father.



I think he has an edible complex.

A cake walked into a bar...

It was gonna try to find it's owner because it was celebrating his 50th birthday.

But when the people saw the cake they were very puzzled. What is this thing? (Seeing very well that it had legs and arms)

The cake replied, "I am a cake looking for someone named- ooh I don't remember b...

A cannibal father and son

A cannibal father & son

A cannibal father and son were out looking for food in a local park.
A obese guy comes by and the son ask “dad should we eat him,” father answers “no my son, he have to much fat, we’ll get to tired for days”.

A little while later a skinny man comes by a...

There were two termites discussing what to have for dinner.

“I was thinking about a steak” one termite said.
“The edible one or the wooden one?” Asked the other.
The first one asked, “what’s the difference?”

Onions

My friend told me that onions are the only edible plant that can make you cry.

I bludgeoned his head with a watermelon.

I can’t stop eating these weed brownies my mom made.

I guess I have an edible complex

I just had the best dinner of my life, but I had to eat it with a spoon.

It was an un-fork-edible meal.

Englishman, Frenchman and New Yorker Meet The Cannibals

Oldie but goodie

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a New Yorker are out exploring, and they're captured by cannibals. The king of the cannibals says "We're going to eat you now, because we're cannibals and that's what we do. But we're not savages like we used to be, so we're not going to tortur...

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization.

A strict vegetarian crashes his plane in the middle of the country and has to find his way to civilization. Due to a tragic experience as a child, he refuses to eat meat; he says the idea of eating what was once a living animal disgusts him and he could never enjoy eating meat. According to his ma...

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A team of sociologists have planned an experiment in isolation.

They send an American, a Frenchman and a Japanese man to a deserted island, and arrange to come back and pick them up in a years time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the tasks amongst themselves.

"I'm an engineer" says American, "So ...

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