Landed my dream job at a guillotine factory

Will beheading there tomorrow

Got my dream job today. I get my own 200 thousand dollar company car and a corner window with a view of the city..

Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.

"What's your dream job?"

\-"Well, in my dreams, I don't work."

Just been sacked from my dream job as a maths teacher. Been there since 2010

What a waste of 15 years!

I finally landed my dream job as a palaeontologist

It took years of studying and hard work, but I've never been happier.

As I excavated a new find from the ground, a mother and her young son passed by. She pointed at me and told him, "This is why you need to do well at school and get a good job, or else you'll spend the rest of your life digg...

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I thought I’d found my dream job as a male prostitute

But it turned out to be a pain in the ass.

Having gone through seven years of medical training, my friend got fired from his dream job for one minor indiscretion: sleeping with a patient.

Nice guy, terrible Vet

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A woman is having an interview for her dream job

Coming to the end of the interview the person interviewing her asks “so what would you say is your biggest weakness?”

The woman replies “probably my honesty.”

The interviewer says “well hang on that can often be seen as a really big positive!”

The woman says: “I don’t give a f...

Only good thing to have come out of my accident and becoming paraplegic is realising what my dream job is

Stand up comedian

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A woman named Patty Black finally gets her dream job at the bank

She is told to handle loans, but to get the manager is the loan was strange or asking for an excessive amount of money. After an entire day of nobody approaching her, somebody asks for her attention. It takes her a while to realize, but it is a frog in a suit sitting on the chair in front of her boo...

I aced the interview for my dream job and now i just need to pass the drug test

I'm gonna nail this too I do so many drugs

My dream job is to be a mirror cleaner

I think I could really see myself doing that.

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

I finally got my dream job at the mirror store

I always saw myself working there

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A lady walks up to her neighbour’s door uninvited…

And she decides to celebrate what a fantastic year she has had!

So Eileen tells Gladys “Oh it’s been such a wonderful year. My youngest just got into law school!”

And so Gladys says “That’s nice!”

And so Eileen continues “and work has been great! I was promoted back in March act...

The lumberjack

Delbert lands his dream job. He gets hired on as a logger. On his first day, the boss man takes him out into the woods, gives him his chainsaw, and says "Usually, our guys can cut down about 100 trees a day. Its your first day, so I'll understand if you're a bit short. Now get to it."

And wit...

A man with really bad eyesight was going for a job as a pilot.

It was his dream job, so he asked a friend how he might get passed the interview, what with his terrible eyesight and all.

His friend said "stick a pin in a tree on the other side of the field from the office. When they ask you about your eyesight say that you're able to see a pin stuck in t...

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Headaches.

A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear. He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me."

The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?"

"I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was m...

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Once there was a boy in Alabama who loved trains.

It was his life, he’d get his dad to take him to train shows, play with them at home, read books about them in elementary school, the works. In high school he studied and kept his GPA high so he’d be able to go for his dreams: to be a train conductor. Upon graduating high school he got accepted int...

I have a friend who works in a zoo

My friend works in a zoo, I thought that would be my dream job. I asked him, "hey man, you enjoy your job?".

He said, "no man, I'm not happy at all"

So I asked him, "what do you do at the zoo?"

He told me, "I work as an elephant circumciser. The job is messy, ugly and smelly, bu...

I've been posting my resume online while I was asleep;

hoping to get my dream job.

Little boy was always interested in trains

From the day he could grasp the idea, he had been interested in them. The way they worked, the way they moved, the different kinds. He had decided at a young age that he wanted to be a train conductor.

The time eventually came when he got his dream job for a busy passenger transit line. His ...

About 6 months ago I got a promotion

So naturally I wanted to celebrate. On my way home I grabbed a handle of captain and a litre of cola. I invited my friend Frank to have a few drinks with me. We ordered a pizza, played some Mariokart, got drunk and passed out. Nothing crazy.

The next morning Frank was still there (he usually ...

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So this guy gets transferred to Norway through his job.

He’s pretty excited about it. He’s working his dream job, he’s young, he doesn’t have a wife or kids, he’s looking forward to the adventure. The town he gets transferred to is beautiful. It looks like a Christmas card! The people are so nice and welcoming. He loves this town. He’s there for almost a...

A politician was running for mayor of his small town...

The competition is tough. He is worried he will lose. This was his dream job, he wasn't going to give in. He had one trick up his sleeve.
He printed a few hundred posters of various sizes. He decided he would save money by hanging them himself. He walked around the town and hung posters up. It di...

There was a boy who grew up in San Francisco and he absolutely loved watching the street cars going up and down the streets.

His goal, when he grew up was to eventually drive those things. Before he even graduated high school, he applied to the street car driving school. He got accepted and once he graduated high school he headed off to training. After months of classes and tests, he was off to his first day of work as an...

A couple on their 60th anniversary

Jake and Jane wake up on the day of their 60th anniversary. Jane turns to Jake and says:
Jane: Jake, is there anything you have been keeping a secret in all these years from me? Today is our 60th anniversary and you can come clean! I want be mad.
Jake: Well Jane, now that you asked, it was me ...

A young man once loved tractors

He had his dream job on a farm and had memorabilia all over his home. One day the young man receives his copy of tractor monthly and sees that an international tractor convention will be coming to town.

The young man works harder than ever all month in order to fulfil his dream of owning a t...

I want to be like Leonardo DiCaprio from Inception.

He has a dream job.

I made the best on the spot Dad joke today

I was talking with a customer today, and she was telling me that she was on her way to work. She said she was a live in residential manager or something, but basically she takes care of an old guy. She was telling me she works third shift hours, so she gets paid to sleep.
That's when I told her s...

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