Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

Christians and Harry Potter fans have one thing in common.

They get mad at you when you say that their book has plotholes.

What do Christians say before eating a salad ?

Lettuce pray

To Christians out there....

My tinder date said to me "I used to be Christian"...

I said to her, "Don't worry darling, I don't really care for those sorts of things"...

She replied "Thank God!"
"It's so much better now that I'm Christine".

Two american jewish men send their sons to Jerusalem to learn about their culture.

A year later the two are having a chat:

-- I am so disappointed in my son, I don't know what to do... Once he returned, he claimed to have become christian!

-- My son as well, this is a tragedy.

-- We should go see our Rabbi, maybe he can guide us.

The two then visit the...

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It's funny how Jews, Christians and Muslims have fought each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew walks into a Christian church.

Avram went into a Church, took out his Tallis, placed it over his yarmulke, and proceeded to pray. the clergyman entered to start services, "Will all non-Christians please leave." Avram continued praying. Finally the angered clergyman moved toward Avram, "Will all JEWS please leave." At this, Avram ...

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A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."

So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.
They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what Christians, Hindus and Muslims agree on?

Chicken are Fucking delicious.

What do you call people who believe in Satan?

Christians

Hell is probably full of Christians.

Just like American prisons.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

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Two Communist leaders - one happy, one sad - met in a hallway

"Boris, why the long face?", the happy one asked. "Cheer up!"

"Easy for you to say, Andrei", the sad one replied. "I've just been given an order from the very top. I'm supposed to figure out which of the Party members are secretly Christians and arrest them. But how am I supposed to do that?"...

Why are christians bad at math?

Because they can’t sin.

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A Muslim boy once asked his father: "why is it that Jews can't work on Saturday, Christians can't work on Sunday, but Muslims work on their holy day Friday?"

The dad looked down at his son and said, "God didn't need to force us to take a break because in His infinite wisdom He knew we'd never work that much to begin with."

(I'm Muslim).

Christians are the worst drivers

You only ever see crosses on the side of the road.

I hate when I get heckled by Christians about my grammar.

Jesus, people suck.

How are Christians against piercings?

Didn’t Jesus have 4?

A Jewish man was at home

A Jewish man was at home when his son came home and told him:

“Guess what dad, I just converted to Christianity!”

The man, confused about his son’s sudden decision, goes to his friend’s house and explains to him what happened. He replies:

“You won’t believe what happened. My son...

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

Muslims, Christians, Monks, and Catholics died and went to heaven.

The Muslims approached God and God said, “room 421, but be quiet going past 419.” The Monks approached God and God said, “room 422, but be quiet going past 419.” The Christians approached God and God said, “room 421, but be quiet going past 419.” The Christians asked,” why quiet going past 419?” God...

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Last night, my cousin rambled on about those 'goddamn Christians'...

"I mean, Jesus Christ, man.


My *God!*


HOLY HELL.


Lord have mercy!


They're everywhere! And so is their religion! Even *I* can't get a single thought out without mentioning- wait a second. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT."

A priest is preaching about the dangers of inebriation.

"Christians! If you put a bucket of water and a bucket of vodka in front of a donkey, which will he drink?"

"Water!"

"Correct! And why is that?"

"Because he's a jackass!"

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Why do Japanese christians offer rice wine to jesus?

For christ’s sake

64AD: Nero bans the practice of christianity through the roman empire

christians: i can’t believe this

romans: correct

If Christians read the bible to strengthen their beliefs, what should atheists read to strengthen theirs?

The same.

What do Christians do when they have a surplus of thoughts and prayers?

They force schools to reopen.

What search engine do Christians use?

Ask Jeevus

A man dies, and wakes up on a beach...

There are girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him.

"Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me." he says. The guy wa...

Christians are always wearing a cross and hoping for Jesus to return.

Well, is the first thing you would want to see if you were Jesus is a cross?

50% of Christians say they will go to hell and back for Donald Trump

They're half right

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