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Christians Jokes

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Christians, Muslims, and Jews are always fighting,

but Hindus never have any beef.

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It's strange to see Christians advocating abstinence only sex education...

According to their own religion, even abstinence isn't 100% effective.

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

if Christians read the Bible to get closer to God, what do atheists read to further intensify their non-belief?

The Bible.

What do Christians and mice have in common?

They both worship cheeses

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Imagine if Christians switched church service from Sunday to Saturday.

There would be mass confusion.

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Why do Japanese christians offer rice wine to jesus?

For christ’s sake

I don't understand Christians

They say that gambling is wrong, but they bet their entire life on there being a heaven.

Christians are such hypocrites.

I saw a bumper sticker that said "I stand up for **GOD!**" but that dude was totally sitting in his car.

Christians who celebrate Hannukah

Are in the menorahty.

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A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.

They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Ch...

Why are christians not able to do trigonometry?

Because Jesus took away their sin.

What do you call it when two christians have a baby together?

Cross breeding

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Why are Christians always sexually unsatisfied?

They are always waiting for the Second Cumming.

Christians only

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Sikh." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"
"Buddhism."
“Go to room 18, but be very quiet ...

Christians say "Jesus"

Ancient Greek women say "Hey Zeus"

To Christians out there....

My tinder date said to me "I used to be Christian"...

I said to her, "Don't worry darling, I don't really care for those sorts of things"...

She replied "Thank God!"
"It's so much better now that I'm Christine".

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Boy: Dad how come there are no Jews, Christians or Muslims in Star Trek?

Dad: Cause it's the future son

2 Christians in the Sahara

Were lost and looking for food/water. They found in the middle of the day a small city with a mosque in its entrance. The two men decided to go look for charity there. Before going in they had a discussion:
Man 1: I don't think they will provide us with food knowing that we're Christians, I'll sa...

Hell is probably full of Christians.

Just like American prisons.

A man dies, and wakes up on a beach...

There are girls playing beach volleyball, barbeques everywhere, laughter and joy. All of a sudden, Satan comes up to him.

"Welcome to hell. Enjoy yourself, have a drink, have a hamburger and check out the area. If you need anything or have a question, feel free to ask me." he says. The guy wa...

What do you call people who believe in Satan?

Christians

U know why Christians call the preist 'Father' ?

Cuz calling them Daddy would be too suspicious.

Two Christians are lost in an Arabian desert

David and Michael were going on a safari where they got lost and their car stopped working, they started wondering throughout the desert. With food and water supply almost ending and no reception anywhere they were desperately looking for help. After a very long time in the heat of the desert and al...

How are Christians against piercings?

Didn’t Jesus have 4?

Christians go to church and have to pay tithings

But Atheism is a non prophet organization.

What do Christians say before eating a salad ?

Lettuce pray

Why are christians bad at math?

Because they can’t sin.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

50% of Christians say they will go to hell and back for Donald Trump

They're half right

What search engine do Christians use?

Ask Jeevus

Why do Christians hate butchers?

They don’t condone beating meat

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Do you know what Christians, Hindus and Muslims agree on?

Chicken are Fucking delicious.

Three Buddhist monks die in a car crash…

They arrive in a beautiful clouded world and begin to walk towards a man. He is standing in front of the golden gates of heaven.

“Hello! I am Peter. Behind me, is Heaven. Unfortunately, I can’t let you in since you three weren’t Christians… But! if you can tell me what the meaning of Easter ...

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A Jew walks into a Christian church.

Avram went into a Church, took out his Tallis, placed it over his yarmulke, and proceeded to pray. the clergyman entered to start services, "Will all non-Christians please leave." Avram continued praying. Finally the angered clergyman moved toward Avram, "Will all JEWS please leave." At this, Avram ...

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Jews are the worst Christians

Except for one. One became the best.

Muslims, Christians, Monks, and Catholics died and went to heaven.

The Muslims approached God and God said, “room 421, but be quiet going past 419.” The Monks approached God and God said, “room 422, but be quiet going past 419.” The Christians approached God and God said, “room 421, but be quiet going past 419.” The Christians asked,” why quiet going past 419?” God...

Billionaires and Christians have a lot in common.

For instance, just like Jesus, Jeffrey Epstein died for their sins.

Why do Christians like Swiss cheese?

It's holey.

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Why do Christians hate Gays..?

Cos the last time a dude got nailed..

Christians are always wearing a cross and hoping for Jesus to return.

Well, is the first thing you would want to see if you were Jesus is a cross?

Christians are all perverted freaks.

They're all waiting for the second coming of Christ.

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What’s the difference between Christians and Jews?

Christians get guilt from the Bible. Jews get it from their mother.

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