Domestic Violence Jokes - 29 Hilarious Domestic Violence Jokes

When my wife starts to sing, I always go outside and do some garden work....

so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.

If a married couple in the city get in a fight, it's called domestic violence.

In the country it's called sibling rivalry.

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I don't like domestic violence..

I like international violence, So I take my wife to Japan, Thailand, Croatia.

Just a joke guys..
I don't have money to travel this much..

If a Muslim beats his wife,

would it be domestic violence or child abuse?

Don't settle for domestic violence

Always seek opportunities for international expansion

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Dave is in the court because of domestic violence.

"These papers say you beat your wife with a hammer" says the judge. "Is this true?"

"Yes," says Dave.

"Disgusting son of a bitch," says a man in the audience.

The judge proceeds. "Then, two weeks later, you beat your wife's mother with the same hammer. Is this true?"

"Yes...

Jokes about domestic violence aren't funny.

They hit a little too close to home.

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What happens when you mix Adolf Hitler and domestic violence?

Adolf *Hit-Her*

A couple is going through a divorce and custody of the son comes into question.

The father presents evidence that the wife hits the poor boy whenever he misbehaves the slightest. The mother reveals evidence that the father would get belligerently drunk and use his belt on the boy.

The Judge suggests letting the boy live with his grandfather, but it turns out that almost ...

What's the NFL's No.1 Offense?

Domestic Violence.

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I got a domestic violence charge

From my penis

President Trump says he supports victims of domestic violence.

He still pays alimony to Ivana Trump.

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Have you heard about the electric robot from Japan which is supposed to prevent domestic violence?

Batteries included.

What do you call a group of deer who indulge in domestic violence and blame it on their SO?

Amber Herd

I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert...

...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas

More men have been enrolling in domestic violence support groups than ever

If you can't beat em, join em

Court Ruling from the UK

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulati...

My Dad Is A Magician

He can turn alcohol into domestic violence... But his disappearing act is even better.

If Germany was the Fatherland and the Soviet Union was the Motherland,

does that make WWII domestic violence?

My uncle is a magician

he turned a bottle of whiskey into a case of domestic violence

My dad had this great magic trick he’d show us every night

He’d turn a full bottle of jagermeister into domestic violence

Golfer hits his wife

A cop was investigating a domestic violence call where a woman said that her husband beat her with a golf club. The cop held up a bloody club and asked the husband, "How many times did you hit her?"

The husband replied, "Seven or eight, but put me down for a four."

Did you hear about the redneck magician?

He turns a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.

Met a redneck magician last night..

Told me he could turn a 12 pack into a case of domestic violence

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I've had a good couple of days,

I've just got back from winning the World Domestic Violence Championship.

I knocked my daughter out in the semis and beat my wife in the final.

Yesterday I entered the world blindfolded wanking championship.
I have no idea where I came though.

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Was accused of animal abuse for using an electric collar

but bitch kept calling it "domestic violence"

Did you hear about..

Did you hear about the indian man who was charged with domestic violence, he hit his wife on the head every night at 7 on the dot

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An EMT was called to a scene in the ghetto

This is actually a true story.

My friend who was an EMT working in South Los Angeles was called to a Domestic Violence scene in Compton. Upon arriving on the scene, a man was sitting on the front porch holding the back of his head where blood was spilling out.

"Are you okay? What happ...

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Ray Rice jokes for DAYS!

There's like maybe four or five jokes in this list that were already posted on the internet, but the rest of this list was pretty much made up by me while I was bored. Ray Rice's incident is a gold mine of humor....just not for him. Easily offended need not apply here. Enjoy.

1.) Ray Rice's w...

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