I was so nervous having to present my proposal to the board of directors that I ended up constipated.

Luckily, motion passed.

Today I passed my exams to be a funeral director

Shame it's a dying trade

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

In the Beginning was the plan.

And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form. And the plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers. And they spoke among themselves saying: β€œIt is a crock of shit, and it stinketh.”

And the workers went unto their supervi...

I hate seeing directors make the same movie. It gets boring, I guess I'm...

Board of directors

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

I have a very important job in my company. I make sure that there are enough seats when the Directors meet.

Basically, I'm the Chairman of the Board.

Why do funeral directors hold most services before 12 pm?

Because they're mourning people.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache

Had a case of cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"E...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

I have one question for porn directors who end scenes with a thirty second close-up of the dude's face.

Where the fuck do you get off?

Movie directors are the worst....

They're always going around making a scene.....

Two managing directors ...

Two managing directors are talking. "Tell me, Eric. How do you get your employees to show up so early every morning?"

Eric: "Very simple. I have 50 employees but only 40 parking spaces".

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Three musicians and their wives are all killed in a terrible accident on their way to a music conference.

They are music teachers -- a band director, orchestra director, and choir director. They arrive at the pearly gates and, after a bit of a wait, St. Peter appears and asks them what they want. The one steps forward and says, "I'm a band director, and my wife and I just died and would like to get into...

A CEO and his board of directors gather for a meeting

CEO: We need to stop testing our products on animals.


Board: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time.





CEO: Yeah but we make hammers

Why did the directors of the performance ask for a stage made out of Scrabble tiles?

So they could have a play on words.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Today I overheard a group of funeral directors bragging about their cars.

Mostly they were arguing about who has the most hearse power.

Problem with pay equality is that men tend to go for higer paying jobs

...like doctors or directors. While females tend to settle with lesser paying ones like female doctors or female directors.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

How to fire an Employee...

All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office, one after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned.

Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other four Directors s...

Stephen Spielberg's Circumcision....

...the Directors Cut

What is the busiest industry in the World?

Funeral Directors.

And they say it's a dying trade?

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