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Amazing Grace

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost on ...

I dated a miner once

She was a gold digger.

Two blond guys were working for the city works department.

One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.

An onlooker w...

My girlfriend told me "You're mine!"

I asked her if that was the reason why she acted like a gold digger

Chicks dig golden retrievers

One can even say they are "Gold Diggers"

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An African Warlord see the most beautiful American Woman he ever laid eyes on at the United Nations.

He immediately goes up to her and proposes to marry her.

She politely declined saying she is already engaged to get married.

Yet he is persistent and promises her all the riches of his country in exchange for her hand in marriage.

This peaks her interest and says she will mar...

How do you turn down a materialistic woman?

Tell her: liking you for your money makes her a gold digger...

...and it’s a felony to sleep with a miner.

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Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel.

Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. 'Ah, will you look at that?' One ditch digger said. 'What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' such places?' 

A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and quietly sl...

I knew a woman who made a living grave robbing Nigerian princes.

Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger...

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Three dogs

Three dogs, a German Shepherd, a Boxer, and a Labrador are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.

The German Shepherd turns to the Boxer and says, "So why are you here?"
"I'm a pisser," the Boxer replies, "I piss on everything - the sofa, the ca...

I'm not really into guys with money, I just want someone to make me laugh. So does that make me a...

Lol-Digger?

Three Labradors at the Vet - NSFW

A Chocolate Lab, Yellow Lab, and Black Lab are all at the Vet. The Black Lab looks at the other two and asks, "So, what are you guys in for?" The Yellow Lab says, "Well, I'm a chewer. I chewed the shoes, I chewed the golf clubs, final straw, I chewed a hole through the new leather sofa....I'm her...

A man has to kill to add 20 years into his life. But at a price...

I've made a deal with _Death_. When I "died" death came up to me and said

"Congratulations! You're the 100th billion person to die! You can choose to live on in heaven OR choose to live forever back on Earth! As long as you kill a person, that person will give you 20 more years to live! But ...

I was dating an archaeologist but I had to break up with her

Turns out she was a gold digger.

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A man is walking through a small village...

and he goes inside a bar. There are only two people in it: the bartender and a middle-aged man sitting in a stool. The man sits next to the middle-aged man, who speaks to him, "My name's Pete. You see that wall over there?" He points to outside the window towards a brick wall. "I built that wall. Br...

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Buried Upside Down

Once upon a time, there was a rich, old man, and his gold digger wife. They constantly bickered, day and night. And one day, the old man says "If I die before you, I'll dig my way out of the grave, and haunt you for the rest of your life". And of course, a few months later, the old man dies. After t...

An old couple are vacationing in Israel...

The wife dies quietly in her sleep, the next day the man goes to the grave digger to make the necessary arrangements.

The grave digger says "I can bury her here for $500 or have her shipped back home with you for $1000."

The man briefly considers his options and opts for her to be ship...

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.

As I was standing there, I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, “They’ve lost the plot.”

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Visiting ireland

So an american decides he want to visit ireland to see where his ancestors came from. He goes to visit dublin but he gets tired of it rather quickly because he wants to see the rural ireland so he grabs a map and goes to the smallest town he can find. When he arrives he is blown away by the beautifu...

The laborers digging the trench were getting fed up...

So one of them climbs out, walks over to the foreman, and asks "Why do we have to do all the work and you just watch us?"
The foreman walks over to a tree, places his open hand against it and says "I want you to hit my hand as hard as you can."
The digger winds up, launches the hardest...

Hillbillies looking for a job

Two hillbilly friends decide that they are going to apply for a job at their local power company that was hiring. They walk in & tell the foreman that they are here for the job installing power poles. The foreman looks at them & asks how much time they have in that particular field? The two ...

What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes?

He was just a nerdy digger.

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Boy visits grandpa

...in the small town where grandpa has lived his whole life. Grandpa is taking him across the lake in a row boat, and points out a tall tower in the distance. Grandpa says, "see that tower? I built that tower! I laid every brick, and today it remains the tallest tower in the town and it's recognized...

A Rich man and a Miner

An elderly man walks into a bar holding hands with a beautiful young woman. He is obviously a man of great wealth, as his watch is decked in diamonds and his suit is of Italian make.

As the pair sits down, the bartender says “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t serve minors here,” nodding towards the...

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Some God Awful OC Bartender Jokes

Give it to me straight, I need the feed back
______

A doctor walks into a bar. He appears to be exhausted; his hair is disheveled, his face is drawn. Bartender asks “rough day?” The doctor sits at the bar and says “its flu season, give me a shot.”

______

An elderly man walks ...