UPJOKE
promulgateannouncetellswearsaystateproclaimassertaffirmcondemnprofessaverpromiseavowpronounce

Declaring Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ireland Declares War on France

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," the President of France ...

Did you hear the Supreme Court just struck down a law declaring ketchup to be the best condiment?

They say it doesn’t pass mustard.

Why is declaring yourself the monarch of the moon a bad idea?

You'd have no air apparent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A WW2 joke I heard recently

So, it’s 1941 and a young German boy is listening to the radio. On the radio Hitler announces that Germany is declaring war on the United States.

The boy asks, “Father, where is the United States?”

“Here, let me show you,” His father responds and points at a map of North America.
...

I u/deadroadie am declaring my official run for presidential candidacy.

If any one can claim to be running for presidential candidacy, why not throw my name into the ring. Hell, why stop there, I fully support Cujo as my Vice President because he's such a heckin good boy!

I'm declaring war on calendars

Their days are numbered.

Naming your favorite Beatle is like declaring your favorite child.

It's George.

So, Slovakia is declaring war to China...

And there is diplomats' meeting held before start. China's diplomat is asking things like: "Slovakia? Where it even is? And how big are you? How many are there of you?", on which Slovakian diplomat proudly answers: "Four and half million". China's diplomat smiles and says: "There's 2 billion of us!"...

Gifts for the Teacher

It was the end of the school year, and a teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florists son handed her a wrapped gift. She gently shook it, held it overhead and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "Thats right!", the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess" ...

A reddit mod walks into a bar...

She promptly kicks everyone out, locks the doors and, declaring herself to be the bartender, proceeds to get drunk with power.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.