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Bonds Jokes

who is James bonds favorite bar tender?

Michael J. Fox

My friend calls me James Bonds while I play Call Of Duty....

0 - Kills

0 - Assists

7 - Deaths

Superglue comes with a warning: "Caution - Instantly bonds skin." But a whole shipment got out with a misprint: "Caution - Instantly bonds kin."

That's how I ended up marrying my first cousin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Names Bond

So, James Bond retired and a new 007 took his place. She had trained all her life for this role, and was eager to do her duty for queen and country. Her first day on the job, she was introduced to Q, who debriefed her on all her new gadgets. The one he was most proud of was a dress that could perfor...

Girls are like hydrogen bonds

They just want to have FON!

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What kind of bonds have the worst return rate?

Vagabonds

My dad told me to invest my money into bonds.

So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger.

Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire were finally able to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame by using a Jedi mind trick...

"These are not the 'roids you're looking for ..."

What's the biggest difference between men and investment bonds?

Bonds mature.

The names Bond...

I am writing the next James Bond movie. In order to thwart Bonds womanizing means of infiltration, the latest evil mastermind has employed an army of devout nuns.

I am calling it, Hymen’s Are Forever.

What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?

Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

007 is both James Bonds number and Russias country code, a coincidence...?

...yes, that's a coincidence.

The world's richest man is dying...

The world's richest man is dying. He has made peace with that.

But what is bothering him so much is that no one in the afterlife will even know that he has amassed such a colossal personal fortune. On Earth, everyone knows he's a self-made man who built this huge fortune from scratch, but he...

Why are carbon chains with two double bonds so sad?

Because they're diene

My Chemistry homework is asking me to rank the bonds by relative strength.

Could Pierce Brosnan or Daniel Craig beat Sean Connery in a fight?

You'd think atoms bonds would mean they were being friendly to each other...

But, they end up stealing each other's electrons.

Isn't that ionic?

The bonds of marriage are so heavy that it takes two to carry them.

Sometimes three.

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