All credit card PIN numbers in the World have bee leaked

**0000 0001 0002 0003 0004** …

My wife's credit card was stolen a week ago.

So far they are spending less money than she normally does so I'm not going say anything.

What country does not accept cash or credit cards?

The Czech Republic

A guy's credit card gets stolen, and after a couple of months he finally goes to the police to report it.

Cop: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card before now?

Guy: The thief was spending less money than my wife.

Cop: Then why are you reporting it now?

Guy: I think the thief's wife started using it.

What do Trump and a maxed out credit card have in common?

They both deny all charges.

Hey man why did you choose 0911 as your credit card code ?

Never forget

Man informs the bank 3months after his credit card got hacked

OC: Why didn't you inform us as soon as you came to know you card got hacked?

Man: Because the thief was spending less than my wife did.

OC: So why inform us now?

Man: The spending rate has 4x increased, seems like the thief's wife has started using it

Life for me is always like a credit card

I'm always getting used and denied

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Your credit card is like your penis

If you stick it in to anywhere that lets you don't be surprised when it comes back to haunt you. If you give it to the wrong person it can get expensive fast. If you can get protection for it you should. You shouldn't go whipping it out in public lest you attract the wrong kind of attention.
...

There are three dimensions to credit cards

... length, width, and debt.

The judge in a stolen credit card case...

The judge in a stolen credit card case found that the prosecution accidentally demagnetized all of the evidence.

So they dropped all the charges.

My wife always uses credit cards. I recommended she try cash

But I know she's afraid of change.

The women I want to date are like my credit cards...

No interest.

My credit card got stolen 3 months ago and I still haven’t reported it missing.....

....Whoever has it is spending far less than what my wife usually does.

Why does an incel get turned on by a credit card reader?

It's the only time they get asked to 'please insert'

My credit card reminds me of school,

0% interest for the first 9 months.

Some guy over the phone asked for my credit card details.

"Sure," I said. "It's blue and there's bits of cocaine on it."

Why did the dad put the credit card statement on his feet?

Because it said ‘new balance’ on it.

I can't understand why my credit card keeps getting declined

Every time I log into my account online it says I have an outstanding balance.

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My sex life is like my credit card.

It expired a long time ago.

I called my credit card company when I got my bill and said, "I can't pay this." "Well, let's see if I can help you, sir. What was your last statement?"

...



"I



CAN'T



PAY



THIS."

I’m really good at managing my credit card...

...My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding.

It's crazy to think that people would break into houses by swiping their credit card.

Nowadays, you have to use the chip to break in.

Hey baby, are you an introductory credit card offer?

Because your terms are hard to understand and you keep saying you have no interest.

In my credit card statement there was an extra 666$ charge written in tiny fonts ...

As usual, the devil is in the details ...

This new credit card I applied for allows me to pick the security question they ask me and the answer I give them

So whenever I call them they have to ask me, "What are you wearing?" and I have to answer them, "I don't think that's appropriate!"

Credit: Eugene Mirman from "The Absurd Nightclub Comedy of Eugene Mirman"

I couldn't find my credit card this morning.

Someone must have swiped it.

I'm sorry.

My credit card company is super nice, they really help boost my self esteem...

They always tell me I have an outstanding balance!

Six months ago, my wife had her credit card stolen.

Tonight I learned this guy took it. But I'm not going to turn him in. He spends a lot less per month than she did!

Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit card?

Neither, he used praypal.

A tangent applied for a credit card, but was denied.

He couldn't find anyone willing to cosine.

What's big, black and steals you credit card?

Sony Playstation 3

A thief stole my wife's credit card,

I let him keep it Because he spends less than my wife does, I said to the police officer,
The officer says, then how come you are reporting it to me a year later,
I said "because the theif's wife started to use it"

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I'm a completely broke farmer. The other day I tried buying fertilizer on my only credit card and it was declined.

I literally can't buy shit.

Apparently people are using smart phones instead of credit cards now.

I tried this but my cocaine was very lumpy.

A man pickpockets a random person and steals her credit card

as the man walks off with the card, he says to himself 'hasta la visa'.

Google knows!

Subject: Today's Reality


CALLER: Is this Gordon's Pizza?


GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.


CALLER: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.


GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.


CALLER: OK. I would like to order a ...

credit card

Guy 1 : " Hey man, you have been looking awfully happy lately"
guy 2 : "yeah someone Stoke my wallet and all my credit cards"
guy 1 :"Then why are you happy?"
guy 2:" The thief is spending less on my cards than my wife"

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

GOT MY CONCEALED GUN PERMIT YESTERDAY

went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm for home protection.

When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instruct...

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A boy was told to get the first five letter of the alphabet for school by asking his family

A six-year-old goes to school and his homework was to go ask his family for the first 5 letters of the alphabet. he goes home. he asks his mom who was taking a nap what is the first letter of the alphabet

the mom says "shut up I'm tired" .he makes a not in his mind about it

he then goe...

A man went into a bank to withdraw some cash from his account.

After sometime his turn came and he took the $300 that he wanted to pay his house rent.

He counted it again before he started walking towards the exit.

A clerk comes running from his desk and stops the man. "*Is something wrong*?", asked the man.

"*I just wanted to tell you that...

I just scored a 180 on an IQ test answering three simple questions !

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

I've got everything I need

A Married Couple Is Driving Down The Highway Doing 80km/h. The Husband Is Behind The Wheel.

His Wife Looks Over At Him And Says: “Honey, I Know We’ve Been Married For 15 Years, But, I Want A Divorce”

The Husband Says Nothing But Slowly Increases Speed To 100km/h.

Wife Then Says:...

I've decided to become a tightrope walker!

I figured I should give it a try since all my credit card companies say my balance is outstanding!

Social Club

An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
<...

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender is in shock, an actual horse just walked into his bar, sat down at the bar like a person, and ordered a beer in perfect English.

He tells the horse, "I'm sorry sir, I just have to go speak to my manager for a moment."

So the bartender goes to the back, and explains the s...

“Take a card, any card,” the magician says.

I take his credit card.

A man walks into a bar

While he is talking , phone starts ringing & he picks it up






Lady:- hi ,I came to the mall to do some shopping with my friends, can I use your credit card to buy some things ?






Guy:- yea, buy whatever you want





Lady :- tha...

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says.

"With what money?" says his mother.

They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's ...

A guy almost lost all his money on Reddit.

To read the second part please input your credit card information bellow.

I ran into a beautiful woman who wanted to F*** me today...

I think her exact words were, "Sign up for this credit card..."

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink...

He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.


The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't s...

At a Bass Pro Shop

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a fishing rod for her son's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. An associate is standing there in dark shades. She says "Excuse me, could you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says "...

Had a big mix up at the store today...

Apparently, when the clerk said "strip down facing me" they were referring to my credit card

Women only need 3.5 inches to achieve maximum pleasure...

...it's called a "credit card"

We were at Kyle's place last week and had an idea

You know how everyone has occasionally had the great idea to try and snort assorted things? Like pixie stix and rock candy? That's where this story takes place.

Somehow the topic of conversation wandered to the effects of cocaine and other substances on the nostrils. The attention seeker of t...

I went to the store and got arrested because of a simple misunderstanding.

When the lady at the register said strip down facing me, it turns out she was talking about my credit card.

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

Hi funny people I need your help.

I have a credit card that is made of metal and is very heavy. People frequently comment on how heavy it is and I have been trying to come up with a witty response for nearly two years now. I've tried, I'm hard on things, I think they are concerned I would wear it out and I take spending seriously bu...

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I walked up to a seven eleven cash register.

The cashier looked at me and said “strip down, facing me”. How the fuck am I supposed to know she was talking about my credit card

A mother and daughter were making lunch together

The mother says "are you doing drugs"

The daughter says "of course not! Why?"

The mother says "well you're cutting the food with a credit card"

A couple wins a free day at a golf course

But just a few minutes into the game, the husband breaks the window of one of the most luxurious houses nearby.

When they arrive to try to talk their way out, the door is open, and a man with a luxurious robe stands next to a expensive looking broken crystal lamp.

- are you the owner o...

A man goes to prison

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera...

I like you helping me in the kitchen, Kevin, but do you use drugs?

— No, mom, I swear!
— So, why you're cutting onions with the credit card?

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bathroom.

Much to their surprise, the mirror greets them, saying,

"I am a magic mirror. Each one of you can tell me one way you think you are better than each of the other ladies. If you are right I will give you a reward beyond anything you could imagine. If you are wrong, I will suck you into the mir...

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Alexa: I need sex.



**Husband:** Hey Alexa, I need sex.

**Alexa :** most certainly... you Don't worry. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 degrees.

The Viagra is kept on top right shelf of your wardrobe. The vagina gel is kept next to it.

I have hired your favourite Thai massager...

A grumpy old man and his wife . . .

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for abou...

A New Metal has been added to Chemistry

Name: Woman
Symbol: Wm
Atomic mass: Light when first found... tends to get heavier with time.


**PHYSICAL PROPERTIES**

- Boils at any time
- Can freeze at any time
- Melts if treated with love
- Very Bitter if Mishandled


**CHEMICAL PROPERTIES** ...

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[NSFW] A business man was robbed in Las Vegas on his way to the airport

After he had checked out of the hotel late at night, 2 muggers have robbed his purse, mo and notebook, leaving him behind with his luggage.

He had hours left to get to the airport, and he was lucky that his ticket was at the side compartment of his luggage. He walked up to the street to the ...

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Laughlin cabbie

A successful businessman flew to Laughlin, Nevada for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.
So he went out to the fr...

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A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra...

A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra,

The pharmacist says he has two kinds, one that costs $20 and one that costs $30

The man asks for the one that costs $30, opens the bottle and pops a pill. He pulls out a credit card to pay and the pharmacist says

“Sorry, we don’t...

It’s proved, that it is easy to please a woman with just 3.5 inches.

I am talking about credit card length.

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My Grocery Store Experience

5-7min read. Based on a true story.

---

I was at the grocery store yesterday picking up some ingredients to make breakfast for the week. I already had a few essentials picked out like Milk, Eggs, & Bacon. Yes, Bacon is an essential. I moved to the cereal aisle but got stuck decidin...

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[NSFW] A businessman goes to Las Vegas (long)...

And he gambles away the shirt off his back. All he has left is the second part of plane ticket. So he goes to a taxi and asks him if he can take him to the airport. He offers his credit card number, phone number, everything, but the Taxi driver said that if he doesn't have $15, he should the hell ou...

home invader

A home invader breaks into a house and finds a couple in the bedroom and holds them at gunpoint.
The owner points to the woman and says, "You have to let her go right now.
You can have all the money and jewelry in the house, you can have my credit card and car keys.
You can even shoot me bu...

Did you know some can talk to a food and it becomes salted

They just need to be 10 year olds that play fortnite and have access to their mum’s credit card

A son of a wealthy arab prince goes to college in europe

After a few months he gets a letter from his father asking how he is, and how's college life, etc.

And he replies to his father: "oh, everything is fine here, but it is really strange, most people here come to college by train and bus, and I'm the only one driving a golden Ferrari every day t...

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