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Deadlines Jokes

Worse than deadlines are

Antivaxers kid's EKG

I love deadlines.

I love the whoosing sound they make as they go by.

I'm reading a book about meeting deadlines.

I should have finished it a week ago.

It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines...

They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.

I get plenty of exercise.

I'm frequently jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.

A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.

Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.

"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.

"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"

What do we want!?

Megaphone holder: What do we want!?


Mob: EXTENDED DEADLINES FOR PROCRASTINATORS!


Megaphone holder: When do we want it?!


Mob: LATER!

Why was the zombie in such a rush to get to his book signing?

He had deadlines to meet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend called me to tell me that I should learn from my manager roommate.

(this happened half hour ago, my roommate' s name is not actually jack)

She said, "Now that you are in lockdown with your friend Jack who is a manager in his company, you should learn some skills from him"

Infuriated, I told her that Jack can't teach me anything!

She says, "you ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's wife tells him she'd like to go on vacation...[NSFW]

And he's like "i can't, work, projects, deadlines" so she goes on vacation by herself.
She leaves and comes back with a brand new car, jewelry, and a stash of cash.

He asks her how did you get all this money? She's like " I gave blowjobs and earned enough for all this".

"Oh come ...

Mark is bowled

Mark was juggling with deadlines and couldn't make it to the hospital for his wife's delivery. They were regular to the hospital and it had an automated response service for regular patients. Anxious about his wife and the kid, he picked up his phone and texted '5444 1'.

Unfortunately, Mark ...

Job Application Humor

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Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest
convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."

That's what we're afraid of ...

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