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What do you call a dog with no hind legs and stainless steel testicles?

Sparky.

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I recently went on Amazon looking for a popcorn machine.

After a few minutes of searching I settled on an 800W electric stainless steel popcorn machine for £45. As I added it to my basket, I saw that they had an upgrade to Amazon Prime called Amazon Prime X. It claimed to deliver your order in 20 minutes or less. I assumed it was bullshit but I had a free...

The health inspector shut down the restaurant on the corner of main street and second avenue...

A new owner rebuilt the kitchen area. The inspector was very impressed with the new kitchen. Stainless steel counters and shelves. Floors of white marble. More lighting install making a bright and clean looking work area. Tongs hanging everywhere, the food was not touched by human hands.

The ...

Pepper and salt shakers.

True story - happened at a restaurant this afternoon with my 4 year old daughter L.


L, pointing to the stainless steel shakers: How do you know which is salt and which is pepper?

Me: Look at the holes on top. If it is the letter S, it's salt. If it is the letter P, it's pepper.
...

A man is sitting in a bar alone...

...after a few beers he needs to visit the restroom.

The restroom is empty except for one man by the urinal (one of those big stainless steel urinals without stalls).

The man walks over to the urinal and starts unzipping his pants.

He glances over at the other man and notices th...

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A boy gets into a horrible accident and ends up losing an eyeball

So him and his father go to the hospital and ask the doctor what type of options they have for a fake eye.

The doctor says, "well we have a nice plastic one that looks very real and it's great quality. Its 20 grand."

The dad says, "that's a little too much for us. Any other options?...

As the result of an accident, a man lost teeth and had to have a partial plate made.

His dentist built a standard dental plate and fitted it into his mouth and it worked just fine.

In three months, the man was back at his dentist. The dentist looked in his mouth, and the plate he had just put in was so deteriorated it was beyond repair.

The dentist was shocked that it ...

I built the most American guitar ever

Made completely out of mirror polished, stainless steel from the World Trade Center in the shape of a bald eagle carrying a rifle.

Only has one octave, but I enjoy playing it, from C to shining C.

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Amazon Prime X

The other day, I was browsing Amazon. I love popcorn and had found this incredible, stainless steel popcorn machine. I already have Amazon prime so it's quick and it's free shipping.

At the checkout, there is an upgrade button. Curious, I wanted to see what it was since I already have Amazon ...

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A young morticians apprentice crashes through the door of his mentors office and says excitedly: "Hey Monty! You gotta check out this lady that just came in."

Monty slowly gets up from his chair.
"You know Mike, there isn't much I haven't seen. A lot of bodies have come through these doors."
"Yeah, but have you ever seen a chick with a shrimp in her pussy?"
Monty is intrigued. He follows Mike out to the stainless steel table and looks at th...

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The sex shop

A woman shyly goes into a sex shop. She tells the man there that she's interested in buying a dildo but has no experience with these things.
"Well how about *this* one?" he asks. "It's gentle, not too big, and very popular with beginners."
"How much is it?"
"$50."
The woman buys...

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