A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says.

"With what money?" says his mother.

They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...

and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagin...

I told my doctor, “I think I have ADHD because I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford.”

Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

Me: But I keep losing my Focus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a Ford

Fucking old rebuilt dodge

I need a new car, I can't seem to hang onto my Fords.

I always seem to lose my Focus.

I see the new Ford Bronco is coming out soon.

I bet the glove compartment is absolutely killer.

Three friends die and go to heaven...

and meet God at the gate. God tells them that he will give them cars to drive into heaven, but first they have to tell him how many times they cheated on their wives, and they shouldn't bother lying because he has a big record book of every person's actions.

God turns to the first man and ask...

I'm worried about my flatmate. In the last week he has recently just purchased himself a new Ford, Tesla, BMW, Toyota

I think he might have a car owner virus.

Ford is working on a special edition O.J. Simpson Bronco

But instead of white it will be Nicole Brown with blood red interior

My wife drives a big Ford F-150 extended cab/extended bed. She said she saw another one just like it today and decided to ram into it.

I asked her why the hell she would do that and she said she was trying to make a Ford Fusion.

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He is a pick up artist.

Ford have announced their new car.

But the Ford Siesta has caused some safety concerns.

Harrison Ford just turned up at my AA meeting

I've never seen Han So low

If your Doctor spoke like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the W...

My neighbour recently bought a BMW, a Volkswagen, 2 Fords, a Toyota and a Chrysler...

I think he's got the car-owners virus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

From a distance my boss looks like a young Harrison Ford

Up close he just looks like the cunt that he is.

Ford should manufacturer a sedan called the Ore

It would be the four-door Ford Ore

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man dies and gets to heaven....

At the gates, St. Peter tells him "you did well, but you were unfaithful to your wife on many different occasions."

The man new this was true and said "I'm sorry and I'll accept any consequences given to me."

St. Peter said "for this, you'll be given a smokey old Ford to ride, in heave...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Applying for a sales position

A man goes to apply for a job in a big Walmart. He's interviewed by the personnel manager and asked:

\- Do you have sales experience?

\- Yes sir, I worked selling clothes.

The manager decides to give him a test, so he says:

\- Come to work tomorrow at 9 AM. You'll work al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is fording a swamp.

He's chest-deep in the water and has already crossed a half of the swamp when suddenly something grabs him by the scrotum underwater. The guy stops dead, not knowing what to do. He hears a voice from underwater:

"Plus two or minus two?"

The guy thinks: "okay, I don't know what he's tal...

What do you call a car concentrating on crossing a river?

Ford Focus

With Ford v Ferrari being so successful

Chevy has decided to come out with their own movie. Total Recall

So, a Frenchman, an American and a Russian are at a car show.

Frenchman looks at the show car and says "we French also have good cars. At home we drive Citroen, but when we go abroad we drive the luxurious Renault".

The American agrees, and says "we also drive Ford pickups at home, but abroad we drive Cadillacs to impress".

The Russian thinks for...

What is a Ford F125?

An F150 that the bank still owns.

American presidents are on a sinking ship!

Ford says: What do we do?

Bush says: Man the lifeboats!

Reagan says: What lifeboats?

Carter says: Women and children first!

Nixon says: Screw the women!

Clinton says: You think we have time?

85% of all Fords made are still on the road today...

The other 15% made it home.

What happens when you leave your ADHD medication in your Ford Fiesta?

It turns into a Ford Focus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Take most Ford and most Dodge models...now put the word Anal in front of the model name

Anal charger, Anal challenger, Anal expedition, Anal Fiesta...

Why are so many Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars Fords?

So kids can get used to pushing them at an early age

Its crazy how much people love Ford Mustangs

I hear they're a real hit with the crowd

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta.

Now I have a Ford Focus.

I asked for a pair of vans last Christmas...

So my dad got me two ford transits

Can someone describe what this new film "Ford v Ferrari" is about, please?

In Le Mans terms.

95% of all Ford trucks made in the past 20 years are still on the road.

The rest have been towed home.

A telemarketer called me up 15 minutes ago on my cellphone (they call every fxxking day)

He said, "We have a vehicle warranty and have noticed that you are in need of one."

I said, "How do you know that I am in need of a warranty right now?"

He said, "Your previous warranty just recently lapsed and we need to make sure that you are continually covered."

I said, "I a...

Ford and Renault were working on a joint car project......

...where they combined the Renault Clio with the Ford Taurus.

They gave up when male test drivers couldn't find the car.

What does Ford stand for?

Found On Road Dead

My step dad is a super Chevy guy and told me this when I was young, drop your best Chevy/Ford jokes

In 2020 Ford is re-releasing the Bronco

There will be a special edition OJ trim level:

Standard White paint with dark tinted windows, governed to 30 mph, extended range gas tank, and has an undersized glove box.

Bad car acronyms. I know a few, you got others?

Ford => Found On Road Dead. ... ... or ... ... First On Race Day. (Depends if you're a fan)

Fiat => Fix It Again Tony

BMW => Bavarian Money Waster

Subaru => backwards is U R A Bus

Chevrolet => acronym for all the engine problems to expect... Cracked ...

Harrison Ford said this joke on Jimmy Fallon

Two cannibals walk by past each other in the woods in opposite directions. Cannibal 1 says to the other, "hey, how's it going?".

Cannibal 2 replies "not so good, I ate something funny".

Cannibal 1: "really ? Like what?

Cannibal 2: "a missionary"

Cannibal 1: "well, how d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

Without a doubt, the Ford F-150

My favorite pickup line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I crashed my Ford a few days ago and went to a mechanic to get it repaired. Later that night I was arrested and my laptop confiscated

In hindsight perhaps I should have said “I crashed my Ford” instead of “I fucked my 15 year old Escort”

I bought the new "Ford" vacuum cleaner, but it doesn't work.

I guess it's the only thing Ford has made that doesn't suck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BECOMING AMERICAN

Two Saudi brothers come to America and one buys a house on the west coast and the other on the east coast. They are so excited about being Americans and during their goodbyes they make a $10,000 bet: in two months they will meet again and the one that is the most American wins.

Two months pas...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old couple comes into a Ford dealership looking at getting a new truck

Salesman walks them around to a brand new single cab pickup, after all its just the two of them, they won’t need much space.

They hate driving in the big city, so the salesman’s driving, old man rivers in the middle and his wife on the right.

They ride around for a bit and the salesma...

The stupidest joke I'll ever make

An Italian man is married to his American car. They've been having financial problems, but the car wants to do something special for their new Mexican neighbors. The car asks "How about we throw them a party?"

To which the Italian man responds with "No"

"Why Not?" says the car spouse...

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

I wanted to buy the first car

But I couldn't a Ford it

Two Ford Fusions collided head-on on the highway.

The good news is that the reaction released enough energy to light up New York City for 3 hours.

I wish Ford installed heated bumpers.

Would keep my hands warm while I’m pushing mine to the side of the freeway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My father ladies and gentlemen...

So, when we were younger we used to run a single line off the back of one of the snowmobiles, put a splitter on her with two lengths of ski rope about 25' long, gear up with helmets and suits, and throw two guys on on those flying saucers, (you know, like the ones on National Lampoon's Vacation) and...

What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?

Pardon me.

When Gerald Ford died, he was quite shocked to find himself in hell.

Being upset about this, he found Satan, and confronted him.

"I don't understand why I'm here. I served my Country in an honest and honorable manner, never missed Church, saved Betty from her addiction, and I can't think of a single thing I could have done to deserve going to hell."

Be...

How is driving a Ford truck similar to visiting Thailand?

Either way, you're likely to blow a tranny

Fords coming out with heated tailgates.

So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it home.

What do you call a party car driven by Harrison Ford?

A Ford Fiesta.

Han Solo keeps taunting he'll steal cars...

...he's harassin' Ford!

Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?

because he was flying solo and went look no hans...

You know what I like about ford?

They circle the problem for you.

You'd think Henry Ford was African

The way he Madagascar

^^^^I'll ^^^^^let ^^^^^^myself ^^^^^^^out

Doug Ford and Walmart are quite similar

They both love their rollbacks.

Tim Cook was just named as the new CEO of Ford, and I for one am really excited!

Now everyone will have the chance to buy a Ford-Apple car

Did you know Jesus had a Ford

That's why he walked everywhere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fishing is expensive

A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see ...

I visited ford's theater on vacation

Is it wrong that I got a Lincoln shot glass from the gift shop?

Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford pass each other in the hallway (Oldie but a goodie)

Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford pass each other in the hallway. Nixon bumps into Ford's shoulder. Embarrassed, Nixon turns to Ford and says "Pardon me!"

And so he did.

Why couldn’t 1 Ford Focus give the other Ford Focus a message?

Broken transmission.

I heard Abe Lincoln was having a fine old time at Ford's Theater...

that is until he asked John Wilkes Booth for a headshot.

I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership

I lost my focus

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says "You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don't worry, you'll be accepted in -- only you won't get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage"

Confused the man asks "I get a car though?"

St Peter replies "Of course. Everyone needs ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ford cars and anal.. If you replace ford with anal you will get some interesting results.

Anal Explorer
Anal Fiesta
Anal Focus
Anal Flex
Anal Fusion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sent on a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside.

The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"How's ya gettin' on today, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, tw...

My father works as a statistician at Ford.

He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph.

My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one...

Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harrison Ford told me this joke.

A guy is working at a grocery store, when a lady walks in. The lady says "excuse me, sir, where is the broccoli?" He looks around for a second, and says "well, it looks like we're all out of broccoli today. Come back tomorrow and we'll have some more." He goes back to doing his work, and about t...

It's insane that car companies, especially Ford, pay hundreds of millions to try to stay ahead of the game

I guess they can't a Ford to lose out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler and Stalin go straight to hell after their death. There, they meet God.

God asks Hitler how many women he had relations with ?

Hitler replies ,” one ,only one.”

God gives him the keys to a brand new Mercedes for his loyalty.

God asks the same question to Stalin and is met with the answer of 7-8 women. The good not happy with this answer gives Stalin...

Why are Ford cars so popular?

Because they are affordable.

Fords new heated tailgates..

Fords working on a new heated tailgate feature, that way when you have to push it in the snow your hands won't be cold.

Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford?

Because he's Indie!

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

It said Focus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a Ford and a tampon?

The tampon comes with a tow rope.

Did you hear Renault and Ford are going release a hyrbrid vehicle this year

mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' together

What do you call Harrison Ford making a Venn diagram?

Comparison Ford.

What would Chrysler's version of the Ford Focus be called?

Chrysler Concentrate

I went to a car show but there were nothing but Fords

I guess you could say it was a real Ford Fiesta

3 men are in line to get into heaven

St. Peter is waiting at the gates of heaven and calls the first man up.

Peter says, "You never cheated on your wife! I'm going to let you drive around heaven in a Ferrari!"

So he gets in the car and drives off through the gates.

Peter then called 2nd man up. Peter says, "Oh no, ...

Harrison Ford has broken his ankle.

There will now be a new Star Wars cast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are taking their wives to play golf.

The Englishman's wife walks up to the tee, bends over to put her ball on the tee, the wind blows her skirt up and she isn't wearing underwear. The Englishman says, "My heavens Elizabeth where are your underthings? She replies "Reginald, on the money you give me for the household, I can't afford un...

My friend and I decided to race our Ford Pintos.

Mine broke down three miles down the road. I had to walk the rest of the way.


I won.

he's not all bad: after an 12 hour shift at a local food kitchen, mayor Rob Ford selflessly turned down a hot meal.

"I've got more than enough to eat at home"

Ford claims that 90% of its cars are still on the road today

That's pretty bad, apparently only 10% of them made it back home

Kevin dies and goes to heaven...

He gets in line and sees Saint Peter asking everyone a question before they head past the pearly gates. As he's third in line, he overhears Peter ask the guy in front, "Sir, were you faithful in your married life?". The man looks down and replies, "Well, I did have two affairs". Peter nods and hands...

A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.

"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."

Why didn’t I buy a mustang?

I couldn’t a Ford it

It was the mid-1820’s when Phillip and his brother Terrance decided that they wanted to better their lives.

So the two brothers packed a wagon with everything they owned and started out from their small home in Missouri. The trail to Oregon was very tough and the relationship between the brothers was already stressed at best.

Phillip, being the older brother, was constantly very critical of his you...

Ford Ibble

A car salesman asked me, "What are you looking for in a car?"

I said, "It has to be affordable"

He said, "I'm sorry sir, I've never heard of a Ford Ibble."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.