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Ford Jokes

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says.

"With what money?" says his mother.

They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's ...

85% of all Fords made are still on the road today...

The other 15% made it home.

What does Ford stand for?

Found On Road Dead

My step dad is a super Chevy guy and told me this when I was young, drop your best Chevy/Ford jokes

Have you ever noticed how most Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put "anal" in front of them?

Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger, Focus

I left my adderall in my Ford Fiesta.

Now it's a Ford Focus.

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of a Ford F-150.

He’s ….a pickup artist.

According to J.D. Power, Ford is one of the most reliable brands.

75% of Fords are still on the road. The other 25% made it home.

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Joke from a Ford automobile joke book published by the Standard Thermometer Company sometime in the 1920s

Boob: They tell me that all Ford cars will be painted red next year.
Simp: How's that?
Boob: The State laws insist that any tin can made to carry gasoline must be painted red.

Saw a ford pushing a dodge the other day

What i wanna know is how they managed to keep that rope between them tight?

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From a distance my boss looks like a young Harrison Ford

Up close he just looks like the cunt that he is.

How do you get a Ford F150 to go faster?

Get a few more guys to help push.

I told my doctor, “I think I have ADHD because I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford.”

Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

Me: But I keep losing my Focus.

I used to have a Ford Focus.

Then after I left a bunch of Tequila in the glove compartment it turned into a Ford Fiesta.

Wanna hear a Ford joke?

Never mind, it won't start.

Did you hear Renault and Ford are going release a hyrbrid vehicle this year

mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' together

Why are so many Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars Fords?

So kids can get used to pushing them at an early age

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Take most Ford and most Dodge models...now put the word Anal in front of the model name

Anal charger, Anal challenger, Anal expedition, Anal Fiesta...

I’m currently reading a book about the life of Henry Ford.

It’s an autobiography.

Ford is coming out with a new truck for those who don’t give a damn about anything or anyone

It’s the new F-U50

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says "You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don't worry, you'll be accepted in -- only you won't get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage"

Confused the man asks "I get a car though?"

St Peter replies "Of course. Everyone needs ...

Toyota and Ford decided to do a rowing competition

They both got their best teams together and had them compete. The result was a disaster for Ford. The Toyota rowing team beat them by leagues.

Ford had a crisis meeting, hired the best analysts and consultants, and after half a year they came up with a conclusion: The Toyota rowing boat had ...

Without a doubt, the Ford F-150

My favorite pickup line.

Why couldn’t 1 Ford Focus give the other Ford Focus a message?

Broken transmission.

he's not all bad: after an 12 hour shift at a local food kitchen, mayor Rob Ford selflessly turned down a hot meal.

"I've got more than enough to eat at home"

Ford came up with a new slogan

"Some assembly required."

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Police troubles

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:
Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
...

Jesus Christ himself was a Ford man

....he walked everywhere.

I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta,

It is now a Ford Focus.

I can't claim credit for this one, I heard it on one of my favorite streamers' streams.

Fords coming out with heated tailgates.

So your hands stay warm while you're pushing it home.

Henry Ford owned a brothel

He packed the brothel with the most beautiful women in Detroit. Any man could come in and take one out on a date. They were known as the Ford Escorts.

The Ford Edge..

For when you want to get almost all the way there.

I had a ford Fiesta once, then I left my prescription of Adderall in the glove box overnight,

when I came out in the morning, I had a Ford Focus.

Ford should manufacturer a sedan called the Ore

It would be the four-door Ford Ore

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Windows vs. Ford

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

'If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to ...

An old Soviet joke

A Soviet delegation visits an American car factory.

"Whose factory is that?" asks a Soviet visitor.

"It belongs to capitalist billionaire Henry Ford," answers the American guide.

"And whose are the hundreds of cars in the parking lot?" asks the visitor.

"They belong to th...

Why do Ford vehicles have heated rear bumpers?

To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it

I just bought a 1995 Ford Thesaurus.

A car, an automobile, motor carriage , a motor vehicle.

Have you heard about Ford's new electric coffee car?

It's the Mach-E Auto.

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A guy is fording a swamp.

He's chest-deep in the water and has already crossed a half of the swamp when suddenly something grabs him by the scrotum underwater. The guy stops dead, not knowing what to do. He hears a voice from underwater:

"Plus two or minus two?"

The guy thinks: "okay, I don't know what he's tal...

What happens when you leave your ADHD medication in your Ford Fiesta?

It turns into a Ford Focus.

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Ford cars and anal.. If you replace ford with anal you will get some interesting results.

Anal Explorer
Anal Fiesta
Anal Focus
Anal Flex
Anal Fusion

Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?

because he was flying solo and went look no hans...

With Ford v Ferrari being so successful

Chevy has decided to come out with their own movie. Total Recall

Two men are discussing habits.

The first man says, "Do you smoke?"

The second man replies, "Why of course, two joints a day! Why do you ask?"

The first man says, "Well how much do they cost?"

The second man says, "Only 20 each!"

"And how long have you been smoking?"

"A few years, why?"

"S...

Ford have announced their new car.

But the Ford Siesta has caused some safety concerns.

3 men are in line to get into heaven

St. Peter is waiting at the gates of heaven and calls the first man up.

Peter says, "You never cheated on your wife! I'm going to let you drive around heaven in a Ferrari!"

So he gets in the car and drives off through the gates.

Peter then called 2nd man up. Peter says, "Oh no, ...

What is a Ford F125?

An F150 that the bank still owns.

Fords new heated tailgates..

Fords working on a new heated tailgate feature, that way when you have to push it in the snow your hands won't be cold.

What do you call Harrison Ford making a ven diagram?

Comparison Ford.

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What do ford mustangs and horny people have in common?

They both create accidens willingly.

In 2020 Ford is re-releasing the Bronco

There will be a special edition OJ trim level:

Standard White paint with dark tinted windows, governed to 30 mph, extended range gas tank, and has an undersized glove box.

Ford and Renault were working on a joint car project......

...where they combined the Renault Clio with the Ford Taurus.

They gave up when male test drivers couldn't find the car.

The new Ford F-150 comes with a heated tailgate.

That way you can keep your hands warm when you're pushing it home in the winter.

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Harrison Ford told me this joke.

A guy is working at a grocery store, when a lady walks in. The lady says "excuse me, sir, where is the broccoli?" He looks around for a second, and says "well, it looks like we're all out of broccoli today. Come back tomorrow and we'll have some more." He goes back to doing his work, and about t...

Ford is working on a special edition O.J. Simpson Bronco

But instead of white it will be Nicole Brown with blood red interior

My father works as a statistician at Ford.

He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph.

Ford Ibble

A car salesman asked me, "What are you looking for in a car?"

I said, "It has to be affordable"

He said, "I'm sorry sir, I've never heard of a Ford Ibble."

You know what I like about ford?

They circle the problem for you.

Ford Focus

Sitting in traffic today waiting for the light to change. The car in front of us was a Ford Focus. I turned to my daughter and said.. if that driver opens her door and steps out of the car, does she get all blurry? Because if she did, wouldn't she be "out of Focus" ?

Why are Ford cars so popular?

Because they are affordable.

Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford?

Because he's Indie!

My neighbour recently bought a BMW, a Volkswagen, 2 Fords, a Toyota and a Chrysler...

I think he's got the car-owners virus.

Harrison Ford just turned up at my AA group.

I've never seen Han so low.

I'm worried about my flatmate. In the last week he has recently just purchased himself a new Ford, Tesla, BMW, Toyota

I think he might have a car owner virus.

You'd think Henry Ford was African

The way he Madagascar

^^^^I'll ^^^^^let ^^^^^^myself ^^^^^^^out

Can someone describe what this new film "Ford v Ferrari" is about, please?

In Le Mans terms.

Doug Ford and Walmart are quite similar

They both love their rollbacks.

I bought the new "Ford" vacuum cleaner, but it doesn't work.

I guess it's the only thing Ford has made that doesn't suck.

Rob Ford..too soon?

*Some* people though it would be nice if Rob Ford could be mayor for tumor years.

Harrison Ford has broken his ankle.

There will now be a new Star Wars cast.

What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?

Pardon me.

Harrison Ford said this joke on Jimmy Fallon

Two cannibals walk by past each other in the woods in opposite directions. Cannibal 1 says to the other, "hey, how's it going?".

Cannibal 2 replies "not so good, I ate something funny".

Cannibal 1: "really ? Like what?

Cannibal 2: "a missionary"

Cannibal 1: "well, how d...

It was July 17, 1946

The temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, had invented the first automobile air-conditioner.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were t...

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

It said Focus.

Gerald Ford goes to hell

When Gerald Ford died, he found himself in hell, which puzzled him greatly.

"How is it that I'm in hell?" He wondered, "I was a good Christian, I was faithful to my wife and country, never stole, lied or cheated...yet here I am."

While he was pondering this, he felt a tap on his should...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office, where he is read the riot act. The captain says, "You're a good cop, but these reports just aren't going to cut it anymore, Joe! They're practically illegible! The next report, if there's even one word misspelled on it, you are going on sus...

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What's the difference between a Ford and a tampon?

The tampon comes with a tow rope.

95% of all Ford trucks made in the past 20 years are still on the road.

The rest have been towed home.

Why are most Hotwheel cars Ford?

So people can grow up getting used to pushing a Ford.

Ford should create an 8-cylinder Fusion model

It would be a V8 Fusion

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An old couple comes into a Ford dealership looking at getting a new truck

Salesman walks them around to a brand new single cab pickup, after all its just the two of them, they won’t need much space.

They hate driving in the big city, so the salesman’s driving, old man rivers in the middle and his wife on the right.

They ride around for a bit and the salesma...

A Chevy Silverado, a GMC Sierra, a Ford F150, a RAM 1500, and a Toyota Tacoma are driving in convoy

Best pickup line ever

I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership

I lost my focus

When Gerald Ford died, he was quite shocked to find himself in hell.

Being upset about this, he found Satan, and confronted him.

"I don't understand why I'm here. I served my Country in an honest and honorable manner, never missed Church, saved Betty from her addiction, and I can't think of a single thing I could have done to deserve going to hell."

Be...

What would Chrysler's version of the Ford Focus be called?

Chrysler Concentrate

My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one...

Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?

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