A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says.

"With what money?" says his mother.

They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's ...

“Doctor, I think I have ADHD. I can never remember where I parked my Ford.”

Doctor: That’s not how ADHD works.

Man: But I keep losing my Focus.

When people ask if you have a Ford or Chevy?

I just dodge that question

What do you call Harrison Ford making a ven diagram?

Comparison Ford.

Toyota and Ford decided to do a rowing competition

They both got their best teams together and had them compete. The result was a disaster for Ford. The Toyota rowing team beat them by leagues.

Ford had a crisis meeting, hired the best analysts and consultants, and after half a year they came up with a conclusion: The Toyota rowing boat had ...

I need a new car, I can't seem to hang onto my Fords.

I always seem to lose my Focus.

According to J.D. Power, Ford is one of the most reliable brands.

75% of Fords are still on the road. The other 25% made it home.

The new Ford F-150 comes with a heated tailgate.

That way you can keep your hands warm when you're pushing it home in the winter.

Have you heard about Ford's new electric coffee car?

It's the Mach-E Auto.

What’s the difference between a Ford Fiesta and a Ford Focus?

Adderall.

I'm worried about my flatmate. In the last week he has recently just purchased himself a new Ford, Tesla, BMW, Toyota

I think he might have a car owner virus.

A Chevy Silverado, a GMC Sierra, a Ford F150, a RAM 1500, and a Toyota Tacoma are driving in convoy

Best pickup line ever

My young son just made up this joke (I've formatted it for clarity)

A man rushes into the Police station and says "Someone stole my Ford Transit"

The policeman at the desk asks "what happened?"

"Well", said the man, "A Belgian man came to test-drive the van I was selling"

"He gave me his expensive cell phone to hold as collateral while he drove ...

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I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license...and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
...

What do you call a Ford Fiesta out of gas?

A Ford Siesta!

I see the new Ford Bronco is coming out soon.

I bet the glove compartment is absolutely killer.

Ford should manufacturer a sedan called the Ore

It would be the four-door Ford Ore

Why are so many Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars Fords?

So kids can get used to pushing them at an early age

Why are Ford cars cheap?

Because they’re affordable.

Why do you want a Ford?

Because its a-Ford-able

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What do ford mustangs and horny people have in common?

They both create accidens willingly.

Michigan Lawyer: "Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?"

Barney: "No sir. I ain't got no money, but I do get a 1928 Ford Car!"

Lawyer: "Well you can raise money on that. Now let's see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?"

Barney: "A 1928 Ford Car."

Ford is working on a special edition O.J. Simpson Bronco

But instead of white it will be Nicole Brown with blood red interior

Harrison Ford just turned up at my AA meeting

I've never seen Han So low

At his deathbed, father-of-three Joe tells his wife Joan: "Let John take over the family business." Joan: "Jimmy's better in business. Let John help him." "OK but let Jack have my F150." Joan: "But John is better at maintaining it." OK, but let Jack have the Ford Mustang."

Joan: "Can he share it with Jimmy?" Joe sighed and said: "Honey, who's dying - - you or me?"

My friend tries to impress girls by drawing realistic pictures of the Ford F-150.

He is a pick up artist.

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My wife, Father and mother in-law, and myself are at dinner. The restaurant is packed. I say, "Service sure is slow tonight." Father In Law, "Tell me something I *don't* know." followed by a smirk. Feigning a smile, I ignore the comment.

A little later into dinner my wife and I are talking about some car trouble we were having this past week. I say, "Ford should really figure out their electrical." Father in law chimes in uninvited, "Tell me something I *don't* know!"

"Ok, 'dad'. Funny.", I think to myself. I again ignore the...

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Take most Ford and most Dodge models...now put the word Anal in front of the model name

Anal charger, Anal challenger, Anal expedition, Anal Fiesta...

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From a distance my boss looks like a young Harrison Ford

Up close he just looks like the cunt that he is.

What happens when you leave your ADHD medication in your Ford Fiesta?

It turns into a Ford Focus.

My neighbour recently bought a BMW, a Volkswagen, 2 Fords, a Toyota and a Chrysler...

I think he's got the car-owners virus.

With Ford v Ferrari being so successful

Chevy has decided to come out with their own movie. Total Recall

Ford have announced their new car.

But the Ford Siesta has caused some safety concerns.

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A guy is fording a swamp.

He's chest-deep in the water and has already crossed a half of the swamp when suddenly something grabs him by the scrotum underwater. The guy stops dead, not knowing what to do. He hears a voice from underwater:

"Plus two or minus two?"

The guy thinks: "okay, I don't know what he's tal...

What does Ford stand for?

Found On Road Dead

My step dad is a super Chevy guy and told me this when I was young, drop your best Chevy/Ford jokes

Its crazy how much people love Ford Mustangs

I hear they're a real hit with the crowd

Can someone describe what this new film "Ford v Ferrari" is about, please?

In Le Mans terms.

American presidents are on a sinking ship!

Ford says: What do we do?

Bush says: Man the lifeboats!

Reagan says: What lifeboats?

Carter says: Women and children first!

Nixon says: Screw the women!

Clinton says: You think we have time?

What is a Ford F125?

An F150 that the bank still owns.

95% of all Ford trucks made in the past 20 years are still on the road.

The rest have been towed home.

Three men died and went to heaven

Three men died and went to heaven. Where it has been decreed that each person gets a vehicle according to their deeds.
The first man arrives and god asks "How long were you married for?"
"20 Years" said the first man
"And how many times did you cheat on your wife?" God asked
"Uhh... 5 ti...

Ford and Renault were working on a joint car project......

...where they combined the Renault Clio with the Ford Taurus.

They gave up when male test drivers couldn't find the car.

In 2020 Ford is re-releasing the Bronco

There will be a special edition OJ trim level:

Standard White paint with dark tinted windows, governed to 30 mph, extended range gas tank, and has an undersized glove box.

If your Doctor spoke like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the W...

Ford is creating a new company to manufacture electric vehicles using Tesla software and batteries.

They're naming it Edison.

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What's the best car to tell a prostitute you own?

A Ford Escort

I bought the new "Ford" vacuum cleaner, but it doesn't work.

I guess it's the only thing Ford has made that doesn't suck.

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I crashed my Ford a few days ago and went to a mechanic to get it repaired. Later that night I was arrested and my laptop confiscated

In hindsight perhaps I should have said “I crashed my Ford” instead of “I fucked my 15 year old Escort”

What did Richard Nixon say when he bumped into Gerald Ford?

Pardon me.

It’s nice to see that celebrities have taken up book writing during the pandemic

One Direction by Kanye West

Guitars by Mel Gibson

Mining by Brad Pitt

Pear Cider by Katy Perry

Ship Building by Tom Cruise

How to Move Things by Jim Carrey

Escape from Prison by Morgan Freeman

American Motors by Harrison Ford

Wild Animals by Wi...

Three friends die and go to heaven...

and meet God at the gate. God tells them that he will give them cars to drive into heaven, but first they have to tell him how many times they cheated on their wives, and they shouldn't bother lying because he has a big record book of every person's actions.

God turns to the first man and ask...

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An old couple comes into a Ford dealership looking at getting a new truck

Salesman walks them around to a brand new single cab pickup, after all its just the two of them, they won’t need much space.

They hate driving in the big city, so the salesman’s driving, old man rivers in the middle and his wife on the right.

They ride around for a bit and the salesma...

Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?

because he was flying solo and went look no hans...

Harrison Ford said this joke on Jimmy Fallon

Two cannibals walk by past each other in the woods in opposite directions. Cannibal 1 says to the other, "hey, how's it going?".

Cannibal 2 replies "not so good, I ate something funny".

Cannibal 1: "really ? Like what?

Cannibal 2: "a missionary"

Cannibal 1: "well, how d...

Without a doubt, the Ford F-150

My favorite pickup line.

Three CEOs of car companies are kidnapped.

They are told to either pay $1bn for release, or attempt to escape 3 hazard-filled miles out of the city using any method of transportation they choose.

The first CEO asks for a Ford Mustang. He makes it one mile before being spotted by a group of snipers and eliminated.

The second CEO...

The Goldberg Brothers - Are well known as the Inventors of the automobile Air Conditioner.

Here's a little known fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. 

The four brothers walked...

What do you call a car concentrating on crossing a river?

Ford Focus

Pick up lines change as you get older.

In your 20's - I have an original 1965 Ford Mustang.

In your 40's - I have an original Picasso.

In your 60's - I have my original hips

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An old man dies and gets to heaven....

At the gates, St. Peter tells him "you did well, but you were unfaithful to your wife on many different occasions."

The man new this was true and said "I'm sorry and I'll accept any consequences given to me."

St. Peter said "for this, you'll be given a smokey old Ford to ride, in heave...

Bad car acronyms. I know a few, you got others?

Ford => Found On Road Dead. ... ... or ... ... First On Race Day. (Depends if you're a fan)

Fiat => Fix It Again Tony

BMW => Bavarian Money Waster

Subaru => backwards is U R A Bus

Chevrolet => acronym for all the engine problems to expect... Cracked ...

When Gerald Ford died, he was quite shocked to find himself in hell.

Being upset about this, he found Satan, and confronted him.

"I don't understand why I'm here. I served my Country in an honest and honorable manner, never missed Church, saved Betty from her addiction, and I can't think of a single thing I could have done to deserve going to hell."

Be...

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Applying for a sales position

A man goes to apply for a job in a big Walmart. He's interviewed by the personnel manager and asked:

\- Do you have sales experience?

\- Yes sir, I worked selling clothes.

The manager decides to give him a test, so he says:

\- Come to work tomorrow at 9 AM. You'll work al...

I woke up one day, and wanted to go to the store.

I went to my garage and saw that my car wasn't there.


That day, I realized I shouldn't have bought a Ford Escape.

You know what I like about ford?

They circle the problem for you.

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, Saint Peter tells Ford, "You have been such a good guy and your invention of the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."

Henry Ford thinks about it and says, "I want to hang out with Adam, the first man." Saint Peter points Adam out to Ford. When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

Adam says, "Yes."

"Well," says Ford, "you have some major design flaws in your inventio...

What do you call a party car driven by Harrison Ford?

A Ford Fiesta.

You'd think Henry Ford was African

The way he Madagascar

^^^^I'll ^^^^^let ^^^^^^myself ^^^^^^^out

I tried to start up a business as a Ford dealership

I lost my focus

Doug Ford and Walmart are quite similar

They both love their rollbacks.

I visited ford's theater on vacation

Is it wrong that I got a Lincoln shot glass from the gift shop?

Did you know Jesus had a Ford

That's why he walked everywhere

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Ford cars and anal.. If you replace ford with anal you will get some interesting results.

Anal Explorer
Anal Fiesta
Anal Focus
Anal Flex
Anal Fusion

Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford pass each other in the hallway (Oldie but a goodie)

Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford pass each other in the hallway. Nixon bumps into Ford's shoulder. Embarrassed, Nixon turns to Ford and says "Pardon me!"

And so he did.

My father works as a statistician at Ford.

He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph.

I heard Abe Lincoln was having a fine old time at Ford's Theater...

that is until he asked John Wilkes Booth for a headshot.

Why couldn’t 1 Ford Focus give the other Ford Focus a message?

Broken transmission.

My friend is getting a new car - a "tangerine" ford focus. Dad drops this one...

Tangerine focus... Isn't that the same as orange concentrate?

So, a Frenchman, an American and a Russian are at a car show.

Frenchman looks at the show car and says "we French also have good cars. At home we drive Citroen, but when we go abroad we drive the luxurious Renault".

The American agrees, and says "we also drive Ford pickups at home, but abroad we drive Cadillacs to impress".

The Russian thinks for...

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Harrison Ford told me this joke.

A guy is working at a grocery store, when a lady walks in. The lady says "excuse me, sir, where is the broccoli?" He looks around for a second, and says "well, it looks like we're all out of broccoli today. Come back tomorrow and we'll have some more." He goes back to doing his work, and about t...

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Sent on a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a petrol station in a remote part of the countryside.

The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundlander manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"How's ya gettin' on today, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, tw...

Cheating husband dies and makes it to the pearly gates.

St Peter looks at him and says "You were unfaithful to your wife 28 times. Don't worry, you'll be accepted in -- only you won't get a brand new car like those who were more loyal in their marriage"

Confused the man asks "I get a car though?"

St Peter replies "Of course. Everyone needs ...

Fords new heated tailgates..

Fords working on a new heated tailgate feature, that way when you have to push it in the snow your hands won't be cold.

Why do hipsters love Harrison Ford?

Because he's Indie!

I wanted to buy the first car

But I couldn't a Ford it

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What's the difference between a Ford and a tampon?

The tampon comes with a tow rope.

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

It said Focus.

What would Chrysler's version of the Ford Focus be called?

Chrysler Concentrate

A C-Level, a middle manager and a worker talk at the Christmas party of their company.

They discuss what to do with the Christmas bonus.

"Well", said the C-Level, "I'm probably gonna do a trip around the world, expand my villa in Malibu and with the rest, well, maybe a new Ferrari"

Said the middle manager "Well, I'm gonna make a vacation in Malibu and get a pool for my h...

he's not all bad: after an 12 hour shift at a local food kitchen, mayor Rob Ford selflessly turned down a hot meal.

"I've got more than enough to eat at home"

Harrison Ford has broken his ankle.

There will now be a new Star Wars cast.

The stupidest joke I'll ever make

An Italian man is married to his American car. They've been having financial problems, but the car wants to do something special for their new Mexican neighbors. The car asks "How about we throw them a party?"

To which the Italian man responds with "No"

"Why Not?" says the car spouse...

I went to a car show but there were nothing but Fords

I guess you could say it was a real Ford Fiesta

I asked for a pair of vans last Christmas...

So my dad got me two ford transits

A motorist stopped at a country ford and asked an Irishman sitting nearby how deep the water was. "A couple of inches." replied the Irishman. So the motorist drove into the ford and his car promptly disappeared beneath the surface in a cauldron of bubbles.

"That's odd" thought the Irishman. "The water only goes halfway up on them ducks."

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