Cross Eyed Jokes - 17 Hilarious Cross Eyed Jokes

Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job?

Because she couldn't control her pupils.

My cross eyed wife and I just got a divorce....

We didn’t see eye to eye.

To make matters worse, I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

My cousin's cross eyed girlfriend dumped him

We have a feeling she was seeing someone on the side

I accidentally bumped into

A cross eyed man in the street today. He told me to watch where I’m going. I told him to go where he’s watching.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Cross eyed Cow

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow’s butt, and blew into the tube until the cow’s eyes str...

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet…

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

Sick

"Can you have a look at him," he says,
"I think he's cross-eyed".

So the vet picks up the dog and examines him.

"I'm going to have to put him down," says the vet.

"Why, just because he's cross eyed?"

"No," says...

My cross-eyed bull

Did I ever tell you about the cross eyed bull I bought?
I couldn't put it in the shows, at least, that's what I thought.

but a friend comes out and says, “hold on pard’ let me have a look.
them eyes ain’t that bad. Call up a vet. His number's in the book.”

Well I didn't have...

I was a guide in a city tour for cross eyed people

“If you look to your right, you will see the Eiffel Tower on your left”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

My girlfriend dumped me because I’m cross eyed.

I think that’s why at least. We never could see eye to eye though.

People who are cross eyed were probably never told "keep making that face and it will stay that way"

Double crossed imo

You know, I’m glad I’m not cross eyed ...

Because the then I’d have love at second sight.

My wife told me to stop seeing other women

“Damnit,” I yelled, “I’m cross eyed”

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cold lips

There once was a young apprentice shepard learning the ropes of his job at an old remote farm in the mountains. The old shepard took the young apprentice under his wing. "Looky here rook, you're going to be staying alone for the night at the farm. We've had problems with the wolves before, but if th...

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How to fix a cross-eyed bull...

A man on a farm had a bull who went cross eyed one day. He didn't know what to do so he decided he would call the local vet. The vet went down to the farm and said "Ah! No problem, I know just what to do." He went to his truck and got a long pipe. He then inserted that pipe into the bull's ass and b...

Best one liner jokes

I didn't ready the sidebar so crucify me if need be.

I was just looking for the best one liner jokes you've ever heard. Clean or dirty, doesn't matter.

One that always gets me: Have you heard about the depressed, cross eyed girl? She never looked forward to anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tough pill to swallow...

So There's this couple and one day the boyfriend finds the a little stuffed bear at a thrift shop and buys it for his girlfriend and gives it to her as a gift
" I saw that this little guy s eyes were sown pointing to each other, and I got it because I know you love imperfect things, because you...

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