The inventor of the crossword puzzle lives near me.

Street's three across and two down.

I asked my wife, “I’m stuck on a crossword clue—Overworked Postman— can you help me?”

She said, “Sure. How many letters?”

I said, “I’m guessing—too many.”

The world's crossword champion was buried today.

8 foot down and 3 foot across.

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

Joe was doing a crossword puzzle in a train car.

the guy next to him and the two women behind her were also doing the same puzzle.

once, the guy asked him "whats a word ending with *k* and means intercourse?"

he replied "talk"

behind him, the woman asked "hey you got an eraser?"



later the guy asked "you know a w...

A husband and wife are doing a crossword puzzle.

Husband: Programs for mobile devices. 4 letters

Wife: Apps

Husband: Adolescent, 4 letters

Wife: Teen

Husband: Contraction meaning failed to perform, 5 letters

Wife: Didn't

Husband: Take a life, 4 letters

Wife: Kill

Husband: Religious songs, 5 l...

Cardinal on way to Vatican Doing Crossword In Airplane

Asks guy next to him for help:

"Can you help me, I need the first letter to a 4 letter word and am stuck. I have a guess but I think it's not right. Last 3 letters are unt"

Neighbor: "Yes, of course, it's an A as in Aunt"

Cardinal: "Thank you! Of course. Would you happen t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While doing a crossword, the cyclops asked his wife,"How do you spell Hawaii?" Karen replied, "You need two i’s." Cyclops growled...

"My life is just a big fucking joke to you, isn’t it Karen?"

Doing a crossword puzzle I came across a clue “Part of the body where you might insert a plug. 3-Letters”

Turns out the correct answer is “EAR”. I was way off.

This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"

They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".

Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"

Then they'll leave in disgust.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm doing a crossword and I'm stuck on one clue. It is "contents of a postman's bag"

How many letters?

Fucking loads

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is taking his first ever flight

A man is taking his first ever flight and he's very excited. He's wanted to fly on a plane ever since he was a little boy. He's especially excited about the prospect of who he could be seated next to. His mind full with anticipation over the possibilities- it could be a celebrity, his favorite athle...

Why couldn't Jesus complete the crossword?

Because he got stuck on 2 across

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle.

I had to turn to Google for help with a crossword puzzle. The clue was "Dishonestly gaining a advantage," eight letters.

I immediately felt bad for looking it up, that was cheating.

A man is having trouble with a crossword puzzle, and asks his wife for help

"What's another word for an overloaded mailman? 16 across".

"How many letters?", she replies.

"Thousands I'd imagine."

The solution to the toilet paper shortage is the same as the solution to a crossword puzzle.

One square at a time.

Me - “What’s a 3 letter word for compete?”

Dracula - “Vie.”

Me - “It’s for a crossword.”

I saw this on Twitter(@clichedout) and it made me smile so hopefully someone else will get a kick out of it.

A blonde is doing a crossword puzzle...

"What's a 7-letter word for 'easily perceived or understood' that starts with 'O'?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"It should be, but I can't figure it out. That's why I'm asking."

I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles.

Does that make me erasist?

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight.

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight. “This is exciting,” thinks the gentleman. “Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope begins a crosswo...

Two men are sitting next to one another on a plane...

The one guy is doing a crossword puzzle and is growing increasingly agitated.

“Need any help?”, says the guy on the aisle.

“Thanks. I need a four letter word for a female, ending in ‘unt’”.

“Aunt?”

“Wow! Thanks!”

“No problem. Anything else?”

“Um... you...

I turned to my wife last night

I turned to my wife last night and said ......."I'm into anal".

She gave me a look of despair, glared at me and then said "Animal".

I just love it when we do the cryptic crossword together!

My father loved crossword puzzles so much.

He loved them so much that he stipulated in his will that he should be buried six down and three across.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was doing an adult sex crossword and I said to my wife,

"Female gland to be stimulated for pleasure, can't think of that one."

"I know," she replied, "I'll bet it's not even on the tip of your tongue."

My ex, Alexandra, was doing a crossword.

"I need your help," she said, scanning the clue. "The form of a language that people speak...eight letters..."



I said, "Dialects."



She said, "That's mean, and I prefer it when you call me by my full name."

Patient: my crossword is making me depressed

Doctor: try not to get two down

His Holiness the Pope is an avid fan of crosswords, and one day he was struggling with one...

"I can't seem to get this last word to fit!" He complained to his aide.

"Have you checked the other cross words, your Holiness?"

"Yes, but it's only the one word, and it's a four letter word for a woman, that ends in 'unt'''

"A yes, aunt!" Said the aide.

Suddenly the Pope...

"I need help with a crossword," I told my wife. "Six letters, a group of people with common ancestry."

She said, "Tribal."


I said, "No, that's only four letters."

Did you hear about the World Crossword Puzzle Champion who died?

He was buried six feet down and three feet across.

Two blondes were doing a crossword.

One asks, "How do you spell paint"? The other one replies,

"What colour"??

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

What do clowns fill their cars with?

Laughing gas!

-----------

This has probably been made before, but I just thought of it after my mom, while doing her crossword puzzle, said aloud "fuel for a funny car" and I suggested laughing gas. It wasn't the right answer, unfortunately.

Update, the answer is "Nitro" which i...

"I'm stuck on the last piece of a crossword. 12 letters, the clue is: 'getting in your way'".

He said, "That's 'inconvenient'."

I said, "I know. That's why I need your help."

I'm making my own Crossword Puzzle but I'm struggling to think up a clue for 3 down, 'Armageddon'.

Ah well, it's not the end of the world.

"I need help with this crossword," yelled my girlfriend, almost in tears. "9 letters, another word for 'concentration'.

I think she's seeking attention.

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords!"

It crossed his mind that if ...

So the Pope is doing a crossword puzzle when a Bishop walks in.

"What is a four letter word for a woman that ends in -unt?" the Pope asks. The Bishop thinks for a minute, afraid to say such a word to the holiest of men. Then a miracle comes to him. "A-unt?" he suggests. "Yes, that fits better, got an eraser?"

Crossword Puzzle Pope

A businessman is getting on a flight when he hears from another passenger that the Pope is going to be on the flight.

"WOW, great!" he thinks, being a devout Christian, "What a good place to be today."

Just before the aircraft doors are closed the Pope enters the plane and sits next to...

What do you call a stable female?

A mare.

(This was a clue on the Daily Crossword app today which I couldn't figure out. I thought it was cute.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Recently, I've managed to get really into crosswords.

Like those really cryptic ones you get in the weekend papers, with clues like 'fish worn on head, (5, 7,)', and stuff like that. I get really intense about them, though, and can't stand starting a new one until I've finished the last one. I refuse to use dictionaries and things on principle, and I'l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two blondes solving a crossword

Two blondes are spending some time together, the one is watching TV while the other struggles with one particular crossword question for some time now...
After a while she decides to ask her friend for help..
- Do you know the answer to the clue "Female sex organ"?
-...

The Pope and one of the Cardinals were sitting around doing crossword puzzles.

The Pope says, "Can you think of a four-letter word meaning 'woman' that ends with the letters, U-N-T?"

The Cardinal thinks for a moment. "Why yes, father. That would be 'AUNT'"

The Pope laughs, "YES! Of course! ...ha ha ha..." (pause) "Got an eraser?"

If you see someone doing a crossword puzzle

Whisper in their ear, 7 up is lemonade.

Why is Jesus never able to finish more than half of a crossword puzzle?

He always gets stuck on across.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Al the farmer was stuck on his crossword puzzle and asking everyone for help. . .

"What's a three letter word that means low?" he asked his wife. She suggested dim but that didn't fit. Then he asked his son who suggested dim too, and so Al grew even more frustrated, but it was time to milk the cows. While out there he decided to ask his favorite cow Margaret the same question:...

I was having some trouble with a crossword.

I said to my dad, "I'm stuck on this crossword. Six letters, a broad road in a town or city. I still haven't got it!"

"Avenue?"

"No, I haven't, stop rubbing it in."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen's Crossword

The queen had just completed the annual knighting ceremony. She had picked Claire Heinz, the scientist who's work was considered unethical by most, but she respected her anyways. An angry mob had already formed and was attempting to barge into the Buckingham palace.

This was nothing new. T...

James Thurber's crossword puzzle.

Laid up in the hospital, James Thurber passed the time doing crossword puzzles.

One day he asked a nurse, “What seven-letter word has three u’s in it?”

She said, “I don’t know, but it must be unusual.”

Crossword clue: F**k, used by Gordon Ramsay a lot more than the average person

Fork

I was doing a crossword and asked my Jamaican friend for help

I asked him, "Hey, what's a 10 letter word for colossal or huge?"
He said, "Monumental!"
I replied, "No, I'm not."

I met the inventor of the crossword last week.

Can't remember his name. P something T something R.

A blonde is about to solve a crossword...

... but still misses some answers.

She asks for a help her best friend,

"Jane, could you help me solving this pls. - the clue says 'Feminine intercourse part' - with 4 letters.."

"Across or down?" asks her friend.

"It's across"

"Then it should be lips"

Addicted

I went to see my psychiatrist last week.
I explained to him that I was getting depressed because of my addiction to crossword puzzles.
He said try not to get too down.

The Pope gets on an aeroplane and sits next to an Irishman

His cardinals sit behind him and the Irishman. The aeroplane gets high up in the air and the Pope takes out a crossword that he's been solving and gets stuck on one clue. The clue has three letters already filled.

*"14. A woman in your life."*

*"\_UNT"*

The Pope shows the clue t...

My dad’s answer to everything is alcohol.

He doesn’t drink, it’s just that he’s really bad at crossword puzzles.

A guy sits on a plane and realizes he’s sitting beside The Pope.

He’s too intimidated to say anything but after awhile The Pope taps him on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me my son, but I’m doing a crossword puzzle and I’m stuck. The clue is ‘a 4 letter word that you can call a woman’ and it ends with U-N-T.”

The man sits for a minute, stumped until he exc...

Why was chickan across road?

That would be because my brother is terrible at both crossword puzzles and spelling.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriends joke

Her: i had a crossword puzzle today that i couldnt get

Me: what was it?

Her: "an overworked postman"

Me: but how many letters?

Her: too many

Me: fuck.....

A devout Catholic man has just boarded a plane, and he's really dreading the long flight ahead. All of a sudden, the pope boards and takes a seat right next to him! What an honor!

The man sits there, thinking about how best to conduct himself and what to say, when the pope takes out a golf pencil and starts doing a crossword puzzle. Wow, His Holiness does crossword puzzles? the man thinks. I hope he asks me for help. That'll be my in for a wonderful conversation!

Sure ...

It's big, pink and hard first thing in the morning, and sometimes I get my wife to help me with it.

Anybody else like the *Financial Times* crossword?

A Wrong Answer

While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband’s help.

"The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is ‘tiresome sameness.’"

"Monogamy," he answered

A man takes a seat on a plane next to, none other than, the Pope.

The whole flight the man sweats beads being so nervous having been sat next to his holiness.

The man is able to keep his calm and avoid an awkward conversation as the Pope focuses all of his attention on a crossword puzzle.

A couple hours into the flight the man hears his Holiness mu...

The Pope In The Airplane

The pope is in an airplane doing a crossword puzzle and this guy sitting next to him is totally taken aback with excitement. He thinks to himself "I'm pretty good at crosswords maybe he'll ask me to help him with one of the words."

Sure enough the pope turns to him and says "What is a four...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This message is for those who appreciate the finer points of the English language

His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.

"May I ask you a question, My Lord?"

"Go ahead, Carson ," said His Lordship.

"I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."


...

A man visits a zoo

A man visits a zoo and asks to speak to the director about the new "Rent-an-Animal" program. The zoo has fallen on hard times financially, so they decided to rent some of their animals outside the usual visitation hours. Usually its the small, cuddly ones, but this man asks for one of the elephants....

What is God's favorite puzzle?

Crosswords.

An office manager is interviewing an applicant.

He asks the woman if she has any unusual talents. She says she’d actually won a few national crossword puzzle contests. “Sounds good,” the office manager replies, “but we want someone who will be just as intelligent during office hours.”



“Oh,” says the applicant. “That’s good because ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mother always said, 'It's now or never'.

Wonderful woman, absolutely shit at crosswords.

'A foolish person'

Two friends chilling in the park during their lunch, one is doing a crossword puzzle in the paper.

Man 1: How do you spell buffoon?

Man 2: Do you want the British, or American spelling?

Man 1: British or American!? What are you on about?

Man 2: Well the British spelling i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was getting very frustrated on the sofa, newspaper in hand.

"Honey, I need help with this crossword. Five letters, another word for 'rest' and 'loosen'. I can't get it for the fucking life of me!!"

"'Relax'" she replied.

I said, "Fuck off, I've been on this for hours now."

Four across...

Two men are sat completing a crossword puzzle on a train, sat across from them is a Priest. The first man starts to scratch his head, and he asks the man across from him:

"A word, four across, ending with unt..."

The other man asks him:

"Well, what's the clue?"

He replie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was relaxing on a long flight...

A man was relaxing on a long flight keeping to himself when he starts to get bored. He starts looking around the cabin and notices that he's sitting next to the Pope who's doing a crossword. He starts to think this will be an interesting story to tell his friends back home when he feels a tug at his...

So a man gets on a plane...

...he finds his seat and realizes he's sitting none other than the pope. The man is Catholic and greets the pope with:

"His Holiness".

The pope welcomes him and then goes back to his crossword. The man is nervous, worrying about doing something to offend the leader of his religion. Ab...

What's pink and hard?

The Financial Times crossword puzzle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A duck, wearing a hard hat, walks into a bar...

At 12 o'clock on the dot, a barman is surprised by the door of his pub being front-kicked open in an angry fashion...

In walks a duck, wearing a hi-vis vest, a hard hat and a scowl that says he's having a bad day.

Before the barman can say a word, the duck exclaims, "WANKERS!!!! CUNTS...

A man is sitting on a plane next to the pope...

The pope was working on a crossword puzzle and the man saw that one of the problems was a four letter word for female that ended in "unt".

The man wanted to help the pope, but really didn't want to say the answer. Finally, after thinking and thinking, the man tells the pope "aunt". The pop...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pope is on an airplane

So this guy boards an airplane and finds himself sitting next too the Pope. Trying to not make a big deal out of it the guy takes his seat and minds his own business.

About 20 minutes into the flight the Pope takes out a crossword puzzle and begins working on it. As the flight progressed the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John Wayne

It was a slow day for Mike. He was hunched over the counter doing the crossword in newspaper to pass time as he waited for customers to visit his shop.

The door opened and the bell rang, in walks his good friend Johnny.

"Hey there Johnny! How ya doin'? What can I get you, buddy?"
...

A man was sitting next to the Pope on an airplane.

The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. Suddenly, the Pope turns to the man and asks, "My son, do you know a four letter word referring to a woman?"

The man, having just gotten out of a terrible relationship, could easily think of one, but he knew the Pope wouldn't appreciate it. Instead, he s...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.