A drunk man staggers into an empty church. He looks right. He looks left. When he spots the big crucifix in the middle, he makes his way down the center aisle, muttering under his breath. Finally, when he's right underneath it, he waves his bottle around and starts screaming at it.
"YOU! S'all YOUR fuggin' fault!" he screams. "I los' ma job, ma wife lef' me, ma kids ran 'way, and today ma dog died! Jus' you wait! I'ma come back with ma shotgun and give ya what for!"
And then he leaves, cursing and shouting all the way.
Meanwhile, the priest has been hiding in the...
I replaced the handles on a chest of drawers with crucifixes.
Now it's a cross dresser.
I made a custom mold by pouring silicone over a crucifix. 24 hours and one epoxy pour later...
and Christ is resin.
I heard that a crucifix is very uncomfortable
But I tried one, and it fit me to a t.
I have a bag with a crucifix, Buddha, and the Quran inside.
Is this sacrilegious?
Jesus wasn't angry at the soldiers who crucifixed him
He was just crossed.
A religious woman works in an epidemiology lab...
One day, she sets up two agar plates, and swabs the first with smallpox. Remembering how dangerous her line of work is, she touches the crucifix around her neck and says a quick prayer.
She gets a new pair of gloves, then swabs some Ebola onto the other plate, but not before again tapping her...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
My uncle converted to Christianity
My uncles and I were out one day getting our bagels and gefilte fish and we noticed the placard. “$1,000 to convert!”
Well, being the shrewd mensches we are we decide one of us should go ahead and check. Uncle Hersch draws the short straw so he goes in.
One crucifix, slightly used. May not work properly, the last guy we stuck up on it was up and walking again after two days.
Two of my favorite jokes by my favorite comedian
"Me and girlfriend..... we’re not together anymore. She's got a new boyfriend now. They just moved in together. Actually, I’ve heard rumors that he's abusive, which kinda makes me want to go over there with a baseball bat...... and then blame it on her boyfriend."
"My girlfriend has the great...
3 religious leaders were fishing
3 religious leaders were out fishing. To not hurt the sensibilities of Reddit, we will name them thusly:
* __Ted__ - the leader of the religion you belong to, or a version of Stephen Hawking that is able-bodied. * **George** - the leader of a religion you like, or at least tolerate; or Nei...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Two nuns are driving down a lane
Two nuns are driving down a lane, late at night, when all of a sudden, the devil leaps out from behind a tree and climbs on to the car.
The older, wiser nun quickly grabs her crucifix, and screaming "QUICKLY! Show him your cross!" to her passenger.
The other nun winds down the window a...
A young carpenter was looking to make some money...
Shortly after Jesus was crucified, a young carpenter saw his opportunity to make some money from the late martyr. He began making small wooden crucifixes depicting Jesus, and people were queuing up to buy them.
One day, a man came in with a request. "I want you to make the biggest crucifix y...
The Pope and the Rabbi (not the apple one)
The Pope is walking down a street in London, when the heel breaks off his shoe. He looks around, and sees two shops advertising shoe repair. Looking closer, he sees a star of David on the wall in one, and a crucifix in the other. He thinks for a moment, and decides he'll go into the Jewish run shop,...