Long John Silver just donated us one of his crew members.

Thanks for the stranger kind Silver!

Well endowed navy crew member- nsfw

There once was a man who was in the navy who was very well endowed, but for some reason had a really high pitched voice. One that had the whole crew laughing and making jokes about him. So one day he went to see the doctor. The doctor said his high pitched voice was due to him having such a big memb...

A Roman Pirate screamed at his crew members: "How many ships did you loot today?!"

They replied: Aye Aye Captain!!

An English ship is in distress at sea.

One of the English crew members is doing a radio call asking for help: “We are sinking! We are sinking! Can anyone hear? We are sinking!”

A German ship is nearby and receives the emergency call. One of the crew members answers: “Oh how nice! What are you sinking about?”

Once upon a time, there was a pirate who never lost a battle...

He was so courageous. His strategy was simple, lead by example, as long as he was at the front of the battle his crew were motivated.

But he had a trick up his sleeve. A new crew member joins this pirate to study him as he is so fascinated by his victories.

First battle comes along, hi...

An englishman gets lost at sea

There's a ship that's been sent to another continent to bring goods there. During the travels the ship gets into a storm, and is crushed against the rocks. The only man who survives is an englishman, and now he's on a deserted island all alone.

After two months the other party at the contine...

A man boarded a plane in New Orleans with a box of crabs...

A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.

The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs thaw out. ...

A pirate captain was out at sea when his first mate ran to him suddenly...

The first mate shouted “Sir! Theres a ship on the horizon armed with 10 cannons and 100 men!”

The captain replied, “bring me my red shirt and prepare for battle!”

The pirates fight and win the battle, making off with all the treasure. A few days later, the first mate again run up yell...

An old joke from Isaac Asimov(fairly long).

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy....

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A young boy ran away to the docks and joined a pirate ship to begin his new life as a cabin boy.

He met the captain, which had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch. The captain, glad to have another crew member on board immediately put the new cabin boy to work, mostly doing dishes and cleaning and such.

The young boy worked for a month without a single complaint, but the capta...

A joke my religion professor told me...

A Dutch Calvinist gets stranded on a deserted island...

He saved his Bible in the shipwreck, so he maintained a prayerful life despite being stranded. The island was full of fruit and wildlife that he could hunt, so he survived well. Every day he swims out to a channel to see if any ships w...

Ahoy Matey!

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak ...

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Two whales are chilling in the ocean when a boat floats above them...

Whale 1: Hey, you know what would be funny? If we went under the boat and tipped it over with our blow holes.

Whale 2: Haha yeah, let's do it!

*The two whales proceed to go under the boat, blow their blow holes and tip it over*

Whale 1: Hahaha that was great! You know what woul...

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A blonde gets on a flight going from Barcelona back to London..

She gets on the plane and immediately sits in first class. The cabin crew explain to her that she doesn't have a ticket for first class but she refuses to move.
One cabin crew member tells the captain about the situation, the captain says "Ah, my wife is a blonde. Let me speak to her"
He goes ...

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

One day, an old man was hammering a large, wooden stake into his garden.

Unfortunately, that same day, the captain of the Navy was walking past. When the stake caught his eye (despite it being very basic and unattractive), he decided he wanted to own it. So, he waited for the old man to leave, and promptly pulled it out and carried it away to his submarine, where he foun...

BREAKING NEWS!

Two tanker ships collided and sank in the southern Pacific Ocean yesterday. One was filled with red paint and the other, smaller tanker, was filled with blue paint. All crew members survived but now are marooned on an uninhabited island.

(Thanks to The Two Ronnies for this oldie)

A ship is navigating along the Mediterranean coastline through some thick fog...

One of the crew members approaches the captain. "Sir I think we made a wrong turn and were heading downriver though Egypt."

"Egypt?" The captain ponders over his charts for a moment before shaking his head "No no, I think were definitely on course"

The crew member shrugs and returns to...

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A film director is getting ready early in the morning to start work.

It's 6am. There's a knock at his trailer door. He answers and a crew member tells him that they've been postponing too long and have to get to work asap.

The director knows this but appreciates the reminder. He only has time to get dressed, no brushing his teeth, no eating, nothing else. ...

There was once a military submarine called the Word Sub.

When the submarine was built, they couldn't come up with a name for it. Eventually, the crew was instructed to call the submarine "any word they want". The believed it would be funny to name the sub something mundane, so they began to refer to it simply as the "Word Sub".

As the Word Sub was ...

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Whales

So, there are two whales swimming around, when they see a boat. The first whale says, "Hey, let's go blow that boat over!" The second whale replies, "Alright, let's go." So the two whales blow the boat over, sending the crew members overboard. Then the first whale gets an idea, "We should go eat tho...

A pirate ship is sailing in the ocean when an enemy ship approaches...

"Captain, an enemy ship approaches!" A crew member shouted from the crow's nest.

The captain turned to his first mate and said, "Bring me my red shirt." The first mate, somewhat confused, ran to the captain's quarters and brought the captain his red shirt. They battled the enemy ship and won....

A man is tasked with setting out Christmas decorations on a submarine

He spends all night thinking about it, and eventually decides on a Christmas tree. He spends hours putting the tree up, adding tinsel, baubles, and finally the star on top. He takes a step back, and looks proudly at his work. But when he comes back to it later, he finds it torn down.

The next...

The sailor, the captain, and the barrel.

Once, there was a sailor. The captain welcomed him aboard as a new crew member.

The Sailor was just settling in when he notice that there were no female sailors. He was a hardy young man whole needed his fill of beer, bacon, and most of all: women. So the sailor went to the captain and asked...

Yall know the one with the airplane safety instruction ?

A business man has to go over sees on a business related trip so he has to take a plane for the firs time in his life . He goes through the whole process and boards the plane sitting down . The safety instruction begins and the flight attendant begin to explain " If any of the engines fail , do not...

A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...

... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put ...

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A magician goes on a cruise...

Every night he does tricks for the crew. Unfortunately there is a parrot that belongs to one of the crew members who always say how the tricks are done. This goes on for a few weeks and the two developed a hatred for each other. One night when he is doing a trick the ship unexpectedly sinks. The m...

Wounded Pirate

A pirate captain sets sail with his crew determined to conquer the seas.

On the first day a crewman in the crows nest of the ship calls out, “Arrr! There be one battleship on the horizon, captain!”

The captain jumps up and excitedly yells, “Get me my red shirt!”

His first mate a...

The Captain of an American Airliner receives a message from a few miles ahead...

The Captain of an American Aircraft Carrier is sailing his ship through a deep fog, so much that he can barely see anything. They are moving slowly, and all crew members are instructed to be on high alert, ready to act at a moment's notice. Suddenly, he receives a call from something just a few mile...

Old but gold, Captain Jack Arrow.

Jack Arrow was a captain of a pirate ship. He was always chased by danger. As one day, a crew member came up to captain jack and said " We got an enemy ship approaching us from behind, sir!!!" Captain Jack, with all confidence, replied "Bring me my red shirt!". As the enemy ship boarded Captain Jac...

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The Barrel.

A guy decides to join the Navy. On his first day of service, he gets familiar with all the facilities around the ship he will be serving on. The guy asks the sailor showing him around, "What do you guys do around here when you get really horny after months of being out at sea?", to which the other r...

Captain of a Ship..

Captain of a Naval ship spots pirates on the horizon, He calls the men to arms and asks "Quick men, Bring me my red shirt." Just before they encounter the pirates he puts on the Red Shirt, they fight, the win the battle.

That night while celebrating the victory some of the crew members ask th...

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A captain and his surviving crew made it to land after their ship was damaged.

They fortunately found a small city near the coast, but it was nighttime and the crew of twelve needed a dry place to sleep before they could try to salvage what was left of the ship. Unfortunately the inn was full, so they decided to go from house to house asking for quarter.

Most homes said...

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