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Counselling Jokes

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Counselling.



A couple goes to marriage counselling. They are sitting talking to the counsellor and she asks what their main problem is, the wife says, “it’s my husband’s work. Because of that, I don’t get any pleasure from sex.”

The counsellor says, “does he work long hours and is never home, or i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Marriage Counselling

A couple go to get counselling. The counsellor asks why they think they need counselling and before the man gets a chance to speak his wife starts.

"He’s always horny and often wants sex at the least convenient times."

"Ok!" says the counsellor "can you give me an example?"

The ...

After 12 years of regular counselling sessions,

my psychiatrist said something that made me cry like a baby.

He said: “No hablo ingles.”

Marriage counselling

A husband and wife go to see a marriage counsellor. At the start of the session, the counsellor asks them what the problem is. The wife starts listing every issue the couple had ever had in the 15 years they have been married. She goes on and on. When she’s finally done, the counsellor gets up, embr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselling.

When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,...

I heard the counselling course for self harmers is fully booked

Those who missed out are kicking themselves.

Was giving a door counselling.

We didn't get anywhere at first but he soon opened up to me.

At a marriage counselling session for men...

... the counseller asked the men to divide themselves into those that always listen to their wives as a group, and those that are able to stand up for themselves as another group.

Expecting a sweeping outcome, the counseller was surprised to see John sitting alone in the group for men able to...

A necromancer and a funeral director are at marriage counselling.

Counsellor: So, why are you guys here today?

Funeral Director: “He only wants me for my bodies!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmer John and his wife Mary lived on a big piece of land in the middle of Ohio.

They did pretty well for themselves, but as all affluent farmers will know, farming is not easy money. After a few years of living together and working very hard, their marriage started to fall apart. Being just as determined to keep their marriage together as they were to keep their farm running, t...

Life is like a box of chocolates

It starts sweet and ends up with you on the toliet giving yourself counselling.

Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine shut off and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I g...

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