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Coughs Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

I used to cough in public to hide my farts.

But nowadays, I am farting in public to hide my coughs.

What do you call a Facebook mom who coughs at her unvaccinated child?

A social media influenzer

My wife says she coughs up a bunch of phlegm every morning.

I told her that's snot, ladylike.

Sneeze , cough

After 2019-

Someone sneezes.
Me: "Bless you".

Someone coughs.
Me: "Bless me".

Roses are red, I've got a bad cough

Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

They say keep your friends close, but your enemies closer...

*coughs*

Girlfriend: Oh no how am I gonna tell dad I’m pregnant?

Me: Leave that to me

*later at dinner*

Her dad: *coughs* I need water

Me: Oh no! Grandpa needs water!

Me: Boss, I can't come in today, I have a wee cough

Boss: I'll give you a week off then

Me: Two wee coughs??? I can't afford to miss that much work!

A drunk staggers into a church one evening, goes into the confessional box and sits down. He doesn't say a word.

The priest coughs to try and get his attention. There's no response so the priest coughs again. There's still no response from the drunk.

The priest coughs a couple of more times and still doesn't get any response, so finally he pounds on the wall.

The drunk slurs, "There's no use knoc...

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