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Concedes Jokes

Just an inch !

An American, an Afghan and an Frenchman sitting outside a bar, keep arguing about how their country is more advanced. A heated debate between the American and Frenchman continues whilst the Afghan can't seem to beat either of them and seems visibly frustrated.
" Our military is so advanced that ...

Kanye West Concedes After Failing to Get 0.5% of Vote in Early Returns

Now he is an electoral college drop out

Police stop a driver suspected of DUI.

"We need to perform breathalyzer test to determine the fact" the policeman informs the driver. "Can't do" answers the driver. "And why not?" Inquires the policeman "Because I'm asthmatic." "Very well, concedes the policeman "then we'll perform blood test." Can't do that either" replies the drives "A...

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A mathematician, a philosopher, and an idiot come before the gates of heaven.

St. Peter looks over the three of them and says, "Heaven's getting pretty full, so I can only let one of you in. The other two will have to go to hell." So he snaps his fingers and Satan appears.

Satan says, "Each of you can ask me one question. If you can stump me on the first try, you win, ...

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A scoutmaster and his girlfriend go hiking in the woods...

They take a break in a rocky clearing with odd writing. After a while, they get frisky, and decide to play a little game called hide the sausage. They look around for people even though they’re in the middle of nowhere. It seems all clear and they go for it. Little did they know, they were in the mi...

News: Hillary Clinton concedes her defeat to Donald Trump in a private phone call.

Safe to say she's learned her lesson with emails!

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A man goes to the doctor for a routine exam.

Peering into the patient's ear with a scope, the doctor asks the man if he masturbates regularly. Embarrassed, the man concedes that he does.

"I must recommend you stop" advises the doctor sternly.


"But why?" the patient asks, now concerned.


"Because you're disrup...

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A king declares that all Jewish people must leave the kingdom, unless one can beat his priest in a contest.

The rules are simple: without saying a single word, the contestants must argue their faith until one concedes. Among the Jewish citizens, only one old man steps forward to compete.

The priest and the old man take the stage before a crowd, and the contest begins.

The priest raises his ...

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A man sees his doctor about terrible headaches he has had for most of his adult life.

The doctor isn’t sure what is going on, so arranges a scan. The scan comes back as normal, so the doctor refers the man to a neurologist who is also unable to find a cause though does offer some advice.

“I did meet one man who had similar headaches, the only thing that helped was having his t...

New bull on the farm

Three bulls on the farm. They were just working out divvying up the heifers (young female cows). The biggest claims 60 of the 100 heifers. The second one claims 30 and the smallest, a puny runt gets 10.

Just as they ironed out the details, a huge trailer rolls up and out walks a monster of a ...

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A novice is working in the scriptorium and he gets to wondering . . .

. . . if he is copying copies of copies of copies of copies, might errors have crept in somewhere. So he asks the abbot, who concedes the point, and descends to the manuscript repository to find the earliest copy of the MS in question.

The novice waits patiently, but the abbot is gone an awf...

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A Jew walks into a church during services, and begins to pray

He puts on his tallis (a Jewish garb for praying), takes out a prayerbook, and recites the beginning of the traditional service. A clergyman notices the Jew, and, bewildered, says, "Will all non-christians please leave."

The Jewish man just continues his prayer, not paying any attention to th...

During the Gulf War, a soldier has just arrived in Iraq

Two days after being deployed, he gets asked by his best mate back at home to the mate's best man at his wedding. The soldier quickly agrees, and go to ask his commanding officer for leave.

"Leave? After only two days? You must be mad, to even consider asking me for it. You won't get leave un...

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A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.

A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.

The guy asks, "What's in the box?"

The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad."

The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?"

The older guy nods. The young gu...

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An incredibly wealthy genius loves riddles.

Bored with being smarter than anyone he meets the man decides to offer his fortune to anyone who is able to stump him with a question or riddle. Thousands of people come to try and trick the man and without effort he answers every riddle and piece of trivia he is challenged with.
Finally an old...

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The pope decides to remove all of the jews from italy.

The jews, obviously, disagree with this; so the pope agrees to have a debate with a rabbi for if the jews should stay in italy or not. The jews vote and decide on an old, wise rabbi.

The time for the debate comes, and it dawns on them that they can't understand each other, so they decide to ...

Lancelot!

Lancelot, the chief knight of King Arthur, wanted to spend some time with Queen Guinevere. He couldn't, however, get her away from Arthur, so he calls Merlin the wizard to help him.

"I want to be with the Queen, help me"

So Merlin pours some itchy powder in her underwear. Soon, the Que...

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A man walks into a bar with a monkey.

The bartender says "get that monkey out of here, no animals allowed in the bar!" The man says, "he is very well trained, let him stay". The bartender nods and says, "what'll it be?". The man orders a beer, amd then a few more. After he's good and drink he slides a beer to his monkey. The monkey down...

Bar Contest

So a guy who's new in town walks into the nearest water hole. As he walks in he see this huge jar full of ten dollar bills. Curious, he asks the barman what its all about. 
"If you can complete three challenges you win the whole jar." 
The guy thought there must have been thousands in th...

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James is suffering from severe headaches. [Long]

For as long as he can remember, he's had debilitating headaches that have hampered his life in every way. He finally seeks medical help. After some tests, the doctor returns:

"James, I don't know quite how to say this. It seems your testicles are pressing against the base of your spine, pi...

A Brazilian and Argentinian find a lamp after a football (soccer) match...

On their way back from a very tight football match, two fans, one Brazilian and one Argentinian bump into each other and see a lamp at their feet.

Assuming there is a genie inside, they begin arguing who gets to rub the lamp first. The Brazilian concedes and allows the Argentinian to go firs...

Two long time friends, Ollie and Brock, woke up early for work as they always do.

They each got into their trucks and headed to the local Ag plant where they work as produce haulers.

"What do you have for us today Flower?" asked Brock as they walk in. Their secretary’s real name is Ava but they always jokingly call her Flower.

"Well we've got three shipments that a...

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The pope is in Mexico visiting. He lowers the partition and kindly asks if he can drive.....

Driver: Excuse me your excellency?

Pope: I said, would you mind if I drive today?

Driver: B..bu...but, sir I will most certainly loose my job if I did that.

Pope: In all these years I have never driven. I used to enjoy driving so very much. I promise, you will not loose your...

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An old farmer and his neighbor butt heads

An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits...

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