Computer Scientist Jokes

Its cause DEC 25 = OCT 31

By checking how they pronounce the word “bios”

The mechanical engineer says: "lets check the carborator, it's probably the carborator"
The chemical engineer says: "its most likely the gas line, lets check that"
The electrical engineer says: "no, it has to be the car's circuts"
The computer scientist thinks for a minute and says: "lets ... read more

He turned it down, because he did not want to RISC losing his ARM.

They stare at your shoes instead of staring at their own

The Al Gore Rhythms

After the animals exited the ark, the Lord came to the animals and the Lord spoke "Go forth and multiply".

The snakes came to him and said "Oh Lord, we cannot fulfil the commandment, for we are adders"

Thus spoke the Lord "Go and cut down the trees, and out of the trees you shall fashi... read more

Because they're always coding!

'A group of engineers and computer scientists from the same university are attending a conference in the next town. The decide to take the train. The engineers buy one ticket each. The computer scientists scratch their heads, pool their cash and buy a single ticket. The engineers think this is stran... read more

She was like a 10.

It’s called a Pierre to Pierre network.

The shampoo bottle put him in an infinite loop.

They ask for a table for 4

The waitress replies 'but sir, there's 5 of you'


The computer scientist says 'no, look there's 4 of us, see! 0...1...2..3..4..'

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

0 to 1

Probably because I am fluent in Python

The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."

The mathematician: "A wife. You have security."

The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without ... read more

A computer scientist, a surgeon, and a civil engineer were gathered at the pub. The surgeon boasts, Surgery is the oldest technology in the world. It’s in the Bible. God removed Adam’s rib while he slept. This is clear evidence that surgery pre-dates all other technological endevors. Without so much... read more

To the foobar.

They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist says, "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle, a white zebra! There are white zebra's! We'll be famous!"

The statistician explains, "It's not significant. We ... read more

Over the course of the day they see two people enter a building across the street and three people exit. They all seem perplexed about this occurrence. The physicist says, "There must have been some error in our measurements!" The biologist replies, "The two must have reproduced!" The mathematician ... read more

He's a big server.

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked "Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest professio... read more

The car breaks down and all three of them step out and stare at the car.

The physicist says, "Probably a mechanical failure, let's look at the engine."

The chemist says, "Unlikely, the fuel is probably of a low grade which must be the culprit."

The computer scientist says, "Let'... read more

Scientists walk into a bathroom. How do you tell them apart?

The physicist stands at the perfect distance to pee into the urinal without any splashback or dribble.

The biologist saves a urine sample for later analysis.

The chemist washes his hands *before* he pees.

The co... read more

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!")

Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this... read more