My neighbor sells home security systems door to door. He's pretty good at it too.

If nobody's home he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table.

I used to sell home security systems.

It was super easy.

I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.

I'm making a fortune selling home security systems. It's easy-peasy, all I have to do is say, "Hello!"

At 3 in the morning.

Whilst sitting on the end of their bed..

Why did the bakery install a security system?

To protect the dough!

Did you hear about the husband who found that his wife had run off with the man who installed their security system?

He became quite alarmed

I got a job installing security systems...

I find it pretty alarming

My security system was delivered today...

Someone stole it before I got home.

A local convent, which had no security system, suffered a kidnapping.

No fence, nun taken.

The guy installing the new security system said we should upgrade because of the increasing crime rate.

Typical alarmist.

My alarm system kept breaking down

The alarm system kept breaking down so, instead of repairing it I decided to get a guard dog instead.

I went to the pet store and the shopkeeper showed me a lot of breeds to choose from. A Rottweiler, a German Shepherd, A Doberman, but there was this one tiny little pug that caught my eye. I...

Tim and Edward decided to team up in an attempt to steal an expensive jewel.

It belonged to a woman in their neighborhood. Her house was fairly isolated so they decided they could proceed during the day. The woman seemed a bit careless and had no security system set up, so they easily got in and out of the house with the jewel.

Back to a safe place and out of view o...

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...

A prison decides to renovate its showers

An ageing prison facility is constantly beset by long queues for the shower area, which the managers decide to do something about because having all the prisoners together in one area outside of their cells might get nasty. So they look into the problem, and realise that, although the showers themse...

Irish bank robbery

Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy breaks into a house...

As he starts to burglarize the place he hears a voice.
Voice: Jesus is watching
the guy looks around and dosent see anything. So he keeps sacking the place.
As he is picking up jewlery off a dresser he hears the voice again.
Voice: Jesus is watching
This time he was sure it ...

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