Two men are roommates in a hospital. Because they are both weak from sickness, the men are unable to speak for weeks.

Finally, one man says to the other, “American.”

​

His roommate replies, “Canadian.”

​

Another week goes by and the first man says weakly, “Danny.”

​

The roommate can only reply, “Phil.”

​

Another week...

There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''.

So John and Mike went to the Mosque ...

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Men think about sex every 7 seconds...

Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds... So it doesn't get weird.

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

‘Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes ...

“Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

Waitress: [slaps me a good one across the face] ...“The men I please are none of your damn business!”

Two men, Jim and John, are walking their dogs when they pass by a restaurant.

“Let’s go in and get something to eat,” Jim suggests.

“We can’t,” responds John. “Don’t you see the sign says No Pets Allowed?”

“Oh, that sign?” says Jim. “Don’t worry about it.”

Taking out a pair of sunglasses, he walks up to the door. As he tries walking into the restaurant, t...

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law, unfortunately killing her instantly.

At the funeral service, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head "...

Do you know why there are fewer 'all men are trash' posts now?

Christmas is coming

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men die and are sent to Hell. Satan punishes them based on their sins

They must all spend 80 years locked in a room with their guilty pleasures in life.
The alchoholic will have all the booze he can drink. The sex addict will have countless beautiful, horny women. And the pot head will have all the weed he can smoke.
The three men face their punishments happil...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do men always give their jackets to their women when they are cold?

Who wants a blowjob from a woman who is shaking with her teeth?

How do you stop a fight between two blind men?

Just say you're rooting for the man with the knife.

Two men are sharing a hospital room.

"What are you in here for?" the first man asks.

"I'm getting a circumcision ," his roommate replies.

"Damn," exclaims the first man. "I had that done to me when I was born, and I couldn't walk for a year."

If men call short women petite. What do women call short men?

Friends.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: 
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

First thing men look into a women is her heart

That her breasts are in the way is not our fault.

[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

Three men are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Stoner Joke. Three Men Died and Went to Hell Where They Met the Devil. (Warning! Long one)

Three men died and went to hell where they met the Devil. The Devil told them that they had sinned in life and therefore had to spend the next 666 years in hell to atone for their sins. However, since the Devil wasn't entirely merciless, he would let them choose for themselves how they were going to...

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?

We wouldn’t know, the women always get to keep the house.

I like to play chess with old men in the park

Although it’s hard to find 32 of them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do Japanese men do when they have erections?

They vote.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the gates of heaven.

"In honor of this holy season," he said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "This represents a candle," he said.

"Very well, you may pass through the pearl...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heaven

When they get there, St. Peter greets them and tells them, "We only have one rule here in heaven. Don't step on the ducks."

So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.

It's almost impossible not to step on a duck there's so many, and though they try their...

3 men are in line for heaven

So three men are in the line for heaven and there is a new rule. When you approach the gates you have to say how you died and then you get in

So in the line, there are two fully dressed men and then a naked man

The angel says please come up and a dressed man does

The angel sa...

The year is 1804 and a young man enlists on a ship..

..his first voyage is to last 3 years, and even though the work is hard the young man takes to it like a fish in water.

After only a few days he is running the riggin like an old hand, he swabs the decks without complaint and spends his free time in amicable companionship playing cards or tel...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I walked into a room full of men masturbating

The looked shocked I didn't stop

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If Medusa had big boobs, she’d be highly ineffective towards men.

But then men quickly become hard when they look at her.

Three Russian men are sitting together in a prisoner's car of a train headed to the Gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

What do married men and Santa Claus have in common?

They only come once a year.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Men's brains

My girlfriend told me that Men's brains are all in their penises. I told her that I like it when she blows my mind.

Seen written on a stall in a men's bathroom:

"My wife follows me everywhere."
Written just below it:
"I do not"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men, Joe, Bro, and Buddy, all lived in a small town.

One day, Joe went hunting alone, and for the next few days no one heard from him. About a week afterwards, a body was found and brought into the coroner’s office.

The coroner, after thoroughly examining the body, needed a positive identification in order to verify that the body was indeed Jo...

To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing"

Have you ever considered being more interesting?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three Old men reminiscing in a nursing home.......

........complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.

The first old man said "I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble."

​

The second o...

Long ago there were two men, David and Nikolay the Wise

They were laying outside on a field one day comparing their intelligence when David turned to Nikolay.

He told Nikolay that he had a higher iq so he must be smarter. Nikolay just laughed and told him there was only one way to tell who was smarter. They must go to a canyon and cross it, the fi...

What do you call it when two men without arms get into a fight?

Unarmed combat

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two drunk men walked in to a brothels m (NSFW)

Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act, on their way back.........
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noi...

A rich mother in law has 3 daughters who are married off to 3 men....

She wanted to test whether her sons in law really cared about her or not. So she devised a plan. She invites her first SIL for a run and after reaching a river she purposefully slips into the river's current.
Without any hesitation first SIL jumps into the river and saves her. The very next day h...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut but if a man does it he's...?

Gay.

He's gay.

Two men are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there two women golfers in front of them who are taking quite a long time to play each hole.

The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we can play through?"

The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back.

The first guy says, "What's wrong?"

The second guy says, "One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress."

The first guy says, ...

2 Florida men get into a fight

I have no idea what happened, but I'm sure it'll end up on the news.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two men with Alzheimer's at the beach

​

They're peckish and want some food.

The first man, Bob, says “Carl, do you want to buy us a couple of ice creams?”

Carl: Sure what do you want?

Bob: vanilla ice cream in a cone, a flake and chocolate sauce

Carl: Ok, I’ll be back now.

Carl walks ...

Two men grow up together, but after college one moves to Maryland and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

“Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why Hooters?”

“They have those servers with the beautiful bosoms, the tight shorts, and the gorgeous legs.”

“You’re on.”

At age 42, they meet and play golf ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Indian tribe captured three men

The tribe told each of them to find 10 fruits of the same kind and if they don’t, they’ll kill them. The first guy comes back with 10 apples, and the tribe members told him to put all of them up his ass without making a sound, or they’ll kill him. After the second apple he screamed and they shot an...

On the roof of a very tall building are four men-

One is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white.

The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof.

Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof.

Ne...

Three men go to hell

Three men go to hell and the Devil offers them all a second chance on earth as long as they can out smart him. The first man steps up and says "I'm gonna melt this block of cheese and I bet you can't put it back together." The man melts the cheese and the Devil puts his hands over it, turning it bac...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 Men Get Stranded On An Island...

3 men get stranded on a desert island. After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of fruit."
The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do Jewish men like to watch porn movies backwards?

Cause they like the part where the hooker gives the money back.

Two men are robbing a condo in a big city.

Suddenly, the building alarms begin to go off and the men hear police sirens outside.

“Quick, jump out the window!” the first man shouts.

The second man gives the first man a look of confusion and replies, “Are you insane, Mike? We’re on the 13th floor!”

Mike rolls his eyes an...

Two homeless men are dumpster diving for food outside of a synagogue...

One of the men pops his head out and says to the other, “Man, these onion rings are really chewy!”

3 men walk in the desert

They are thirsty and would do anything for a drink. Suddenly they see a giant slide and a sign next to it. It reads, “Slide down the slides and shout the name of the drink you want and when you reach the bottom of the slide, there will be a pool of it

The first man slides down the slide and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two men start talking at a high school reunion.

“It’s been a long time, what have you been up to?”

“I’m a business man now, I run a very successful company”

“Ah, I can see that by the briefcase and suit”

“What do you do?”

“Oh, arrr, I’m a pirate.”

“Ah, I see that by your peg leg, hook and eye patch. How did you ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men are stranded on a desert island. (Long) (NSFW)

Three men wash up on a desert island. They don’t know each other and don’t know where they are. Soon, they get very hungry. They go into the island to see if they can find any food. They happen to stumble upon an enormous cache of perfectly ripe fruits. They eat to their heart’s delight, and when th...

A little boy came running up to me and pleaded, "Please help! My daddy is in a fight!" I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"

He shouted, "I don't know! That's what they're fighting about!"

Why do people think that men are better at some things than women?

Because they have heard that two heads are better than one.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Tom's scrotum

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pai...

Three old men have just arrived in heaven and are attending an orientation meeting.

They are all asked, "When you are at the funeral and your friends and families are mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

​

The first guy says, "I'd like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man."

​

The s...

Two men are sitting in a bar drinking.

The first man notices two old men across the bar. He points at them and says to his friend, “That’s us in about ten years.”

​

His friend looks up, laughs, puts his head back down, and says, “That’s us now, because that’s a mirror.”

​

​
...

Two men are sitting in a bar

One man looks at the other and says

"So, you're married right? You and your wife ever.... Get freaky, and decide to put it in the other hole?"

The second man responds

"WHAT!? And run the risk of getting pregnant? Hell no!"

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and...

90% of all traffic accidents are due to men. Do you know why?

Because they gave their wife the car key.

Two men are watching the news

Two men are watching the news, when they start talking about a suicidal woman on top of a building, about to jump.

One of the men tells the other.

"I bet you 50 dollars she won't jump."

The other man thinks for a second, then accepts the bet.

But, the suicidal woman on th...

My girlfriend this morning: "Men were made to be heaters. Warm me up"

"Why do you think man discovered fire? So we can get out of these responsibilities"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 men are walking through the desert when they stumble across a lamp. They dust it off and a Genie pops out, the genie says "I will grant each of you 3 wishes!"

The first man says "I wish for a million dollars!" "Alright" says the Genie and just like that a million dollars appears at the man's feet.

The second man says "I wish for unlimited money" "Alright" says the Genie "Check your bank account" The man checks on his phone and sure enough there's a...

3 Mountain Men Are Sitting in a Bar Trying to decide What to Name Their Newly Settled Land

They throw all the letters of the alphabet into a hat and draw them out one at at a time.

​

The first draws, "'C', eh."

The second, "'N', eh."

The third, "'D', eh."

Research shows that 80% of men don’t know how to use condoms

These men are called dads

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...

They become VERY ANGRY

Two men die and arrived in heaven

Curious as to why others are here, they struck up a conversation.

Man 1: “ Bro how did you die?”

Man 2: “Due to cold, and you?”

Man 1: “ I doubted my girlfriend with another guy, searched the entire house but found none. I felt too guilty and committed suicide.”

Man 2: “ ...

The difference between men and women is that men insult each other but don't really mean it

and women compliment each other but don't really mean it.

Today I saw 2 blind men fighting...

I shouted, "I bet $10 on the one with the knife!"

They both ran away.

Women are not the property of men.

Properties value goes up as it age.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman pregnant with twins is in a bank when two masked men enter with shotguns, a shot goes off and the woman is hit in the stomach by two stray pellets in the crossfire.

The woman goes to the doctors and they tell her that the pellets hit the unborn infants but that they would be ok, they'll just naturally pass the pellets as they get older. Years pass and the now mother is approached by her daughter "Mom, Mom I was on the toilet and a pellet came out!" The mother t...

When I'm in public I always like to use the women's restrooms instead of the mens.

It's always quieter in the women's restroom, especially when they know I'm in there...

Why are men always happy when their wife are in labor?

It's the most painful experience of her life and she can't make him do it.

Studies show that 9 out of 10 men struggle with erectile dysfunction

I think that's crazy. Men nowadays are just getting soft

What do men in Thailand say when they can’t get girls?

“Phuket! I’m just going to Bangkok instead!”

It's Judgment Day and three married men are sent to heaven

Three friends are standing in line waiting to be judged: Jim, Billy and Kevin.

​

Forward comes Jim and God tells him: "Jim, you've been loyal to your wife and never cheated". God gives Jim a brand new sports car and tells him to drive to heaven and off goes Jim.

&...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. "Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Men will be men

While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my two wheeler and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulle...

2 men are stranded in the desert, dying of thirst.

As they walk with all hope lost, one of them spots a well in the middle of the desert.

'Look, a well!' - said the first man

'There is no way that well has water... ' - replied the second man

'We should check if it has water. Look, let's drop that rock into the well to check whet...

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Surname.

Why are women and children evacuated first during disasters?

So the men can think of a solution in silence.

Why did Aristotle believe men could mold themselves through their actions like clay?

His teacher was Plato.

God said that all men will find love in every corner of the Earth

Then he made the Earth round and laughed and laughed and laughed.

2 men are sitting in a bar.

1 man says: smart people doubt everything. Only stupid people are certain about things! His friends asks him: are you sure about that? He answers: absolutely!

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day.

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've susp...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men are sitting by the pool on vacation.

One of the men says: "Last night I had sex with my wife three times, and in the morning she said that was the best sex we've had"

One of the other men proclaims: "We'll yesterday I had sex with my wife 5 times and do you know what she had to say this morning?"

The two other men shook t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men are walking home one night... (long) (nsfw)

Three men are walking home one night. Their path brings them through an alleyway. A crazy woman jumps them with a gun, and says that she will kill them unless their combined penis length was at least 15 inches.
So the first man pulls his out, and it is 8 inches. The second pulls out his own memb...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call it when a bisexual person shoots down flirtations from both men and women?

A double bi-pass!

Two men walked into a bra

They get two cups and they don't have to pay.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two men are at a train station....

First man goes to the ticket counter and is flustered by the attendant's huge breasts. He stammers out "Uh..I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh...I mean..Pittsburgh". Embarrassed, he pays and goes back to his friend and tells him "Man, I just had the worst Freudian slip...I asked for 'pickets to Titt...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If men get cock blocked

Do women get beaverdammed?

3 men go to a hotel late at night

Only one room is left and there is only one large bed to sleep on, the men decide to go and share it.

The morning after...

Man on the left: Guys, I had an awesome dream last night. I hooked up with this smoking hot blonde and got a handjob!

Man on the right: whoa, what a coinc...

Why do most men die before their wives?

They want to.

Saw a group of Sikh men jamming out to heavy metal the other day

They were definitely Down With The Sikhness

Three men walk into a bar...

The fourth one ducks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call 20 naked men sitting on top of each other's shoulders?

A scrotum pole.

Two Blond men find three grenades

They talk about it and decide to take them to a police station. On the way there one asks:

What happens if one of them explodes?

The other one replied:
We’ll just tell them we found two.

three men walk up to the gates of heaven,

the gatekeeper asks each man to describe how he died.

​

the first man walks up to the gate keeper and says:

'i was concerned my wife was cheeting on me so one day i said i was going to work, walked outside our appartment then walked back in saying i had forgotten somt...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In the beginning, when Man was first created, all the members of the body held a meeting to decide who should be in charge.

The brain said that it should be in charge because it had the power of decision making and so controlled what everything else in the body did.

The eyes pointed out that they were the ones who saw everything, including whatever objectives the brain was going to decide to pursue, so they shou...

Why do all of the men who prefer their wives making sandwiches in the kitchen work outside in the shed?

Because they’re all tools.

Two men exit a bar.

Man 1: Wait! I forgot to go to the bathroom!
Man 2: Don't worry, I'll teach you.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men...

Once there were three men who walked into an empty clearing in the middle of a huge forest, uncomparable by any means to that of any cluster of trees. However, this clearing had a peculiar item lodged in the ground near the center, a shiny golden lamp. The first of the three men slowly worked on dis...

A department store opened in downtown area that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.

At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.

* The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
* There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
* You cannot visit a floor more than on...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three Men in the Jungle

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two ladies in heaven

1st woman: Hi Wanda!

2nd woman: Ohmigod, Sylvia! How did you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One thing I really enjoy doing is wearing nothing but a colorful tight bikini bottom that shows off my cock, and then going and strutting around in front of other men and letting them ogle me.

Or as it's also known, "Bodybuilding"

Women's Friends Vs. Men's Friends

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.


Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The ...

What chemicals are best for keeping men away?

Deter-gents.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(NSFW) Three men and a bed

Three guys walk into a motel and find out there is only one room with only one bed. Since it's the only motel in town, the guys decide to share the bed. They get to their room, squeeze in, and fall asleep. 
The next morning, the guy on the left side of the bed wakes up and says, "I had the crazie...

How do blind men rob eachother?

By accident

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. ...

The first man had married a woman from Iowa and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning.
It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Minnesota. He had giv...

A knight and his men return to their castle...

...after a long hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asks the king. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh," says the knight. "...

Dead men and music

What’s the difference between a dead body and someone that makes music?

One composed as the other decomposes

3 rich men get on a plane.

A Canadian, an American and a Mexican.
They decide to each throw something off the plane over their country to represent how they feel about their country.

The Canadian walks up and throws a silver bar off the plane. The others ask "Why did you do that?" To which the Canadian replies "Be...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Guy named Eddie walks into the men's room at a bar.

As he's standing at a urinal, another fellow walks up to a nearby urinal. Eddie glances over and notices the other guy has no arms; both of the sleeves of his jacket are empty and folded over. Armless guy says to Eddie, "Hey buddy, do you think you could help me out?"

"What can I do for you?"...

What's the difference between men and women after death?

Women: Ugh...I'm so bloated!

Men: I've never been *this hard* before!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men are in a public restroom

The first man, from Harvard, finishes his business at the urinal and walks to the sink. He uses plenty of soap and hot water and announces to the room, "At Harvard, they teach us that cleanliness is next to godliness."

The second man finishes and moves to the sink. He uses minimal soap and wa...

Three men died and ended up in Hell...

They were greeted by a fallen angel who told them, "You can stay here happily for all of eternity... as long as you don't step on a frog." The men all agreed to not step on any frogs and they went on their way.

The first man only lasted a couple of hours before he ended up stepping on a frog....

What do you call a one wheeled cycle for castrated men?

A eunuchcycle